Meeting David Wilson

I've been watching "Meeting David Wilson," a documentary about race, which I recommend. It points out to me again what Beverly Morgan Welch said, that "Slavery is an X-rated conversation."

We are still an incredibly racist nation, and you don't see it in this documentary as much as you see it in the commercials supporting it. They are all geared toward African Americans. I think it's fabulous to have commercials featuring faces that are not lily white. Please, lets have more of them. But, what I find troubling about this is that the commercial selection is indicating that corporate America thinks no white people will be interested enough in race to watch this documentary. Sad.

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Generations of Stafford Poetry

Poet William Stafford was a native of Hutchinson, Kansas, and his work is revered here, with good reason. He was the Poet Laureate of the United States in 1970, before the position had that title, and won a National Book Award. His portrait is part of our mural downtown. He's holding a page that says, "Any star is enough if you know what star it is." He wrote more than 20,000 poems through his daily practice of quiet time spent writing. For those of us who are dedicated journalers, I feel compelled to mention he also kept a daily journal for 50 years.

I appreciate the use of the language in poetry. It requires so much from the writer, and has a lyrical quality unlike any other kind of writing. Poets write and speak with a beauty unique to the form.

Tonight I went to a poetry reading by Kim Stafford, one of the four children of William, who is an exceptional writer in his own right. He read some of his work, and some of his father's. He also sang some songs he had written. It was a fabulous evening.

Of course, it's difficult to "report" on an evening of poetry, but there were some incredibly poignant moments.

One of those was when he was relating the last conversation he had with his father, when they were talking about events that had occurred in his father's youth. His father told him those stories were ones he hadn't told, that he was, "waiting for someone to ask." That struck Kim - that his father, who wrote every day for 50 years, had stories he hadn't told, for which he had been waiting to be asked.

He was also funny. He talked about being in New Orleans and going to the famous Cafe du Monde and the waitress coming over and saying, "You want anything mo' baby?" He said, "Just to hear that every day the rest of my life." Needless to say, that got a big laugh.

He said after leaving there, walking down Decatur street about 2 in the morning, they came upon upon a woman who was a sanitation worker, crying at a shrine of candles, coins and flowers. He asked her what was wrong and she told him her hairdresser, Robin, had died because he'd been generous and given his key to the wrong person. She said Robin also told her, "You're more than the sanitation." She told Kim that Robin was like that with everyone.

Kim went back to his hotel room and wrote a song about it. Unbeknownst to him, it was recorded when he played it the next day, and ended up being used at Robin's memorial service. When he later got an email from Robin's family, Kim said he realized that that was the absolute best circle of creation. First, "you hear something that must be told." Then you shape it with whatever tools you have available to you and "you give it back." The song was beautiful and included the line, "You be you, like no other, Robin said to me."

He said he was reminded of a quote about how the deepest poetry will be spoken by ordinary people in times of great trouble. That seems true in so many cases.

I cannot lay claim to any poetry. I fear I do not have the necessary command of the language to write poetry, but I do believe in times of trouble we share our souls in words - written and spoken - that are meaningful like no other. For me it has been things like Remembering Mama and writing down my core beliefs, where the language works for me seemingly effortlessly. The work shows through in the daily writing. Maybe the lesson is to spend time in deeper contemplation on an emotional level more often.



Kim gave us some "homework assignments," one of which was related to his father's poem, "Why I am happy." He suggested we all write about why we are happy. I have so much to be happy about, thankful about, that it could be a very long piece.

Another of his father's poems he mentioned was, "Vocation." The last line of it is, "Your job is to find what the world wants to be." Kim said he may use that line above the doorway when they build the William Stafford Institute for Peace.

Kim is the executor of his father's body of work, and said at one point he asked his mother if she thought he had done enough for his father's work. She responded with a question - what do you think he would say. It occurred to Kim while he was sheetrocking, that if he asked that question of his father that his father would probably answer him by writing using Kim's hand. As soon as he posed the question in his head, the answer came to him. He then asked how to know when he should focus on his own work or his father's work and the answer came, "Do what is most alive."

I love that concept. "Do what is most alive." It's how I live daily life, as much as possible, to do what is most alive (intense, different, daring, possible). I've never thought of it that way, so this gives me something to think about. It seems important to explore this further.

Kim read a couple of poems about his Aunt in Nickerson who he's staying with. The last one he read was a perfect illustration of why poetry can express something with such a beautiful turn of phrase. He planted the image of a phone there that can reach anyone they've lost because she remembers the good in them. He wrote that "she has been keeping house for everyone," a phrase I just loved. It speaks of home and all it means. Just lovely.

He also wrote a poem for the director of the art center, about his exhibit that is on display. What an honor to have a Kim Stafford poem about your work. Amazing.

A number of us went to dinner with Kim before the event, and I had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. He's a very personable gentleman. He will also be at the poetry event on Saturday that I promoted a few weeks ago. I'm guessing you might still be able to secure a spot if you're a reader who's in the area and interested in attending.

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Author Max McCoy speaking in Hutchinson

See more about Max McCoy in the entry about the
Tallgrass Writing Workshop.

The Hutchinson/Reno Arts and Humanities Council in cooperation with the English Dept. at HCC and the Hutchinson Public Library will sponsor an evening with award winning Kansas author Max McCoy on Monday, April 14^th at 7: 00 pm in the Auditorium of the Hutchinson Public Library. McCoy will read from his forthcoming novel I, Quantrill, and his nonfiction work in progress, Strangely Heavy: A True Story of Passion and Rivalry in the Meteorite Fields of Kansas.

A native Kansan, McCoy was born in Baxter Springs and has lived in Kansas all his life. Kansas and Missouri tend to figure heavily in his novels.. A graduate of Pittsburg State University he earned his M. A. in English from Emporia State University and is currently a professor of English at Emporia State University.

Max McCoy is an award winning novelist, investigative reporter, screenwriter, and independent filmmaker. The topics addressed in his journalistic work are wide ranging and include serial killers, atomic bomb survivors, and white supremacists. His fiction is varied as well, embracing westerns, historical novels, and thrillers such as the Indiana Jones Series.

This program is free and open to the Public. For more information contact the Hutchinson/Reno Arts and humanities Council, 620-662-1280. hrah@cox.net.

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Friends

Teresa and I had a wonderful dinner tonight. We spent it dissecting our collages and the layers of meaning in them. We love this sort of thing. And we can't understand why everyone doesn't want to do this. But, alas, we know that is not the case.

Maybe our shared affection for such things is part of the reason we have been friends for so long. I haven't done the math, but I'm sure it's more than 15 years now, maybe closer to 20. The time does fly, doesn't it?

Teresa is someone who's very spontaneous - always ready to do whatever - I love that about her. When I was planning the weekend in Ramona I just assumed Teresa would want to go. She likes the same sort of things I do, and she's always willing to try something new. She's someone I can call last minute for lunch or dinner and if she's not busy she'll generally go. I like it when people will just DO instead of contemplating it for forever.

She is a talented artist, as you can see in her collage, which has a balance of color, pattern and form.



I looked back through my photos and found this one where she was doing the first "rough draft" layout.



Teresa is someone I know I can rely on for the truth - told in a very kind, compassionate way. She is an incredibly generous friend and I'm grateful to have her in my life.

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Ramona Retreat for Vision Collages

This weekend some friends and I rented this guest house in Ramona, Kansas to have a retreat. We spent our time working on the process described in "Visioning" by Lucia Capacchione.

Teresa, Peggy and I heard her speak at a "Food for Thought" event four years ago this month, and have wanted to do this since. It's hard to believe it took four years. There's a lesson in that, alone.



There were six of us. Starting in the back, that's Andrea, me, Cynthia and Susan. In front are Peggy and Teresa.

This is a multi-stage process. The heart of it is journaling and collaging.

You start with a "focus statement" that is the guiding part of your collage - what you want. Then you hunt for pictures from magazines...








We organized them and glued them...





Then we journalled about our finished projects...



Central to this process is the focus statement on which you base your collage. Each of our finished projects were distinctly different. I asked the group and everyone agreed that I could share them with you.

Susan's focus was, "Leading a life with more energy."





Cynthia's was, "Living a passionate life."





Andrea's was, "What financial security looks like?"





Patsy's focus was, "Freedom and inspiration to create and appreciate beauty."





Peggy's focus was, "Experiences I'd like to have" and morphed into "Seek knowledge"





Teresa's focus was, "Live life in movement and quiet contemplation."



It was an inspirational weekend. We brought food to share and just munched as we worked. Saturday evening some were done before the others and so they cooked our spaghetti dinner. It worked out perfectly.

This was a great spot for it. The house has five bedrooms, one with two beds in it, so we were able to spread out a bit and then come together to work on our projects. The kitchen has everything you need - from a microwave to a full sized fridge and stove.



I definitely recommend Cousin's Corner, the guest house. It's run by two sisters from California, who have roots in Ramona, and ended up coming to Kansas through a visioning process of their own.

It was a great way to spend time with friends. I can't wait to do something like this again. Not sure what we should do next, but I know there's something just waiting to be discovered.

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Hail in Hutchinson

Just the other day I was thinking, "Geez, I've still got to deal with the roof." I had hail damage last year and after dealing with all the insurance stuff it was too late in the year to get it done. Then I thought, "Hmmm... I think I'll just wait until after hail season this year before I get it repaired." Tonight that seems like a good decision.

This is my front walkway, early on. I've rarely seen hail completely cover the ground, but I have tonight. My neighbor's driveway was white.



However, I don't think this probably did much damage. I didn't see anything larger than pea sized, but there was a lot of it. A Street looked like it had snow on it.

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Tampa Kansas Church

I took this in Tampa, Kansas this weekend. I love the shadow of the cross.

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Surrounded by Friends

Tonight I'm tucked into flannel sheets while the wind whips around the house I'm staying at in Ramona Kansas. I'm also warmed by the presence of five friends. We've shared a day of intensive vision collaging and will leave in the morning different than how we arrived.

Mama's Scissors

A couple of weeks ago I got out Mama's sewing scissors. I have looked at them a few times since her death, but haven't used them.

She was very particular with her sewing scissors. She kept them in the box they came in and they were only used for fabric. Mama was the type of person who always "made do" with things, not necessarily buying the best things for herself, although she would get quality for me. When she did splurge on something for herself she took exquisite care of it.

I brought the scissors down and have used them a couple of times in a sewing project I've got going, but I'm being very careful with them. It feels good to be using them.

The love she put into sewing projects was palpable. She sewed for me. She sewed for my nephews when we were younger. She sewed for almost everyone in the family at one time or another - maybe some simple mending, or maybe chair cushions when she reupholstered furniture, or maybe a dress. Whatever she made, she used these scissors, then stored them carefully away in their box.

It feels good to have my hands around something Mama wrapped her hands around so many times. And I think her magic touch is with me because the project I'm working on is going more smoothly than I expected.

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Sewing Machine Life Lessons

I recently brought a sewing machine downstairs to work on a project. It's the Singer Stylist 534, the machine my mom got me one Christmas when I was in high school. She had a Singer Featherweight, which I now have, that I absolutely love. But, my home ec teacher insisted we be able to do zig-zag stitches, which were all the rage at the time, and the Featherweight didn't have that capability. So, I got this machine for Christmas.

When I left home I took the Featherweight for basic repairs and Mama kept this machine because she still did a lot of sewing, including many clothes for me. She sewed for me until the last few years of her life - everything from work clothes to costumes to prom dresses. She was a gifted seamstress.

After she died, I brought this machine to my house, but I haven't used it in the subsequent nearly seven years. I generally use the Featherweight, but this project involves heavier fabric and I didn't want to tax that machine.

The other night when I lifted the cover off the machine, there was a spool of green thread sitting where she had taken it off the top and moved it underneath the dials without unthreading it so the lid would fit on. I don't know what the last thing was she sewed on the machine, but I'm certain when she put that spool of green thread on the little ledge she didn't expect it would be the last time she sewed with that machine. I'm sure she expected to make or mend something else at some point in the future.

That's always true for all of us - we never know when something will be the last time. We go through life expecting tomorrow will come. We never know when we sew something, or kiss someone, or come home, if it's the last time we'll do that thing. There's something terrifying about that and at the same time I find it comforting.

This uncertainty is the great equalizer. It doesn't matter how much money you have, how smart you are, or what kind of house you buy, it may end at any moment. This drives me to experience as much as I can every day.

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Sign of the Times

My favorite deli in Hutchinson has closed. Daisy's Deli was always very busy at lunchtime. I didn't go there often, but I went regularly. However, I know for some people it was a daily stop. We drove by last night and saw paper on the windows and this sign: "Closed. Overwhelming cost of groceries, fuel surcharges and fuel costs have caused us ot make hard choices. Thank You Daisy's Customers for all your past support. Linda Birney."

Daisy's has been in business for quite a few years, so this isn't a case of a new restaurant just not making it. I'm sure sorry it's gone and I'm especially sorry that the horrible economy has taken down a local business. The chains will survive, of course. It will be the local places that can't make it.

One of my favorite spots in town recently raised their prices. I notice because I know how much my ticket always is because I get the same thing everytime. A few years ago when prices went up the owner was stressing over telling me and I assured her there was no reason to be concerned - I understand. That was probably five years ago. This time she told me a week or two before because I usually have my check made out. I was happy to see she wasn't worried about telling me this time. I understand an increase. Of course, at some point you're worried you'll run your customers away and they won't pay it. And, with customers having to deal with fuel cost increases as well, it can get tight. (Gas is $3.19 a gallon here at the moment. I paid $3.24 a few days ago when I filled up.)

I wish Daisy's Deli had just raised their prices, but I'm sure they did the math and decided people simply wouldn't pay what they needed to make it work. They made these big, thick sandwiches and served a variety of soups every day. Greg brought me one of their BLTs for lunch the day of the potato bar.

I will miss them. And, I am concerned what the loss of this business says about the economy in general - and I don't just mean in Hutchinson. I'm afraid this story is playing out over and over again in the country.

Todd McCracken, president of the National Small Business Association trade group, said in a February USA Today article that small businesses — 26 million in the USA alone — often lead the economy out of recessions. "That's difficult to do if they can't get the credit and capital they need to grow," he says.

A US News and World Report article on March 10, 2008 says, "A weaker economy is making things a little bit tighter. High gas prices act, in effect, as a major tax on small businesses. 'To the extent that energy prices go up, they feel the pinch,' says Steve Preston, head of the Small Business Administration."

NPR did a great story just this morning about how China is becoming more expensive and so American companies that are relying on them for cheap sources are going to have raise prices because as they put it, "there's not another China." Of course, this sticker shock isn't going to hit until next year.

And, by the way, this is not just "cyclical" change in the economy. This is the result of poor management on the part of the US, massive debt, and a host of other factors - many of which could have been addressed in the last five years if we had chosen to do so. Instead, we've focused our efforts on creating more debt. Our national debt increases an average of $1.71 billion dollars a day. Yes... billon... each day.

Fred Kaplan summed up the economy beautifully when he was here when he said, and I'm paraphrasing, "we buy China's cheap goods with the money they loan us." It's hard to believe it wasn't even eight years ago that we were a solvent nation, with a surplus in the budget, and now we owe more than 9 trillion dollars.

The thing that none of these stories and statistics and quotes bring to life is the real story of a real business with real people who are now without income. I don't care if economists call is an official "recession," I just know people can't keep up at this pace. I got a 2.5% increase in salary this year. Gas prices alone have increased more than 20% here in the last year. You don't need to be a math genius to see that that can't continue for very long.

If you had increased your debt level more than 1.5 trillion dollars a year in the last six years would you still be able to borrow? Yeah, me neither. Sure, the government has some holdings - all federal buildings and such - but I'm not sure they're worth 9 trillion dollars combined.

I'm reminded of James Carville's sign posted in Clinton's campaign headquarters during the 1992 campaign, when Bush senior was viewed as unbeatable, that has been morphed into, "It's the economy, stupid."

By the way, that sign also other things on it - accounts vary, but it seems to have said:
Change vs. more of the same
The economy, stupid
Don't forget health care
Those all seem pertinent today as well. And, this is a great example of how a central message is critical to anything you want to market.

Greg and Photos

Greg is a professional photographer. He takes wonderful pix, as you might expect. He, also, will suffer for pix. He will lay down on a sidewalk in the summer, or in a snow bank in the winter. He got this hyacinth photo by laying in the dirt in his backyard.

Later in the day yesterday we stopped by the post office because he had spotted this flowering tree earlier and wanted a picture.

Greg got out and spent a few minutes looking for the perfect shot. I stayed in the car and snapped a photo of him taking a photo.



This is the sort of photo you get by staying in the car. Below is the kind of photo you get by actually get out of the car, framing a shot, and knowing what you're doing.



We don't know what kind of tree it is, but it's pretty.


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Greg

Greg and I went to Skaets tonight. We were looking at pix we had taken earlier and I snapped some of Greg sitting in the restaurant. This is an environmental portrait of Greg - in a diner, with some pop, and his camera nearby.

Greg is one of my favorite people on the planet. I can't imagine my life without him in it. We've known each other for more than twenty years now. He's one of the people I know I can always depend on. Those sorts of people are hard to come by and I'm thankful that for most of my adult life I've had Greg in it.

As you might guess from the fact that I was at Skaets, I'm feeling better. I'm almost afraid to say it, because I don't want to jinx it, but I think I'm getting well. I felt pretty normal yesterday and today. I even went to the office today for quite awhile. I'm so very thankful to be feeling better and hoping it continues.

I have another ten days of antibiotics and I will be taking them all - just like the doctor ordered. I always do. And so should you. Otherwise you just kill the weak germs and the strong ones grow again, a little stronger than they were before. That's how we get things like MRSA.

Well, it's time for my little pills and then off to bed for me. I still seem to need a lot of rest, but I figure that's good for me. Although I can't sleep sometimes after I wake up in the morning, I do stay in bed and rest until a reasonable time to get up.

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Trish in Action

At the Women's Show yesterday, Trish gave a speech about what the city council is doing. She had a pretty nice little group gathered to hear her talk. She was explaining all kinds of things the council is looking at and some upcoming votes we'll be doing.

She also had a booth for the first time. She was doing free legal checkups and talking to people. Every time I looked down her way she was busy, so I think it was a good experience for her.

We happened to be on the same aisle with Trish and with the Volunteer Center and the Zoo. It was a nice location. I was gone last year when they did the show, and other people set it up for me. They tell me this was our spot last year, too. It's a good location.

I didn't even take a photo of my own booth yesterday. It's one of those things that never looks as good in the photo as you expect it to. People do really elaborate booths, but I keep mine pretty simple. I like to be able to set it up and take it down pretty quickly - otherwise you're just overwhelmed with it after a long day.

This show runs from 9-4. They tell the non profits to not pack up before then and that you'll lose your spot if you do. On our aisle Leah and I were the only ones that waited until 4. Some booths were already completely clear by the time we started.

Trish had a nice banner done. That's something I've got to get is a new banner for the MHA. It's always one of those things I'm going to get around to but now that we have the new logo I need to actually get it done.



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Pity Party Freak Out

I had to work an all day event yesterday for the MHA. I was really tired by the end of the day, but I made it OK. We had made plans to go to the movie last night and although I had to force myself to go I figured I could leave if I started feeling worse. But, I was OK. I was very tired last night but was sure the new drugs were working great.

Today, again, I'm back in bed. I'm just exhausted. I've felt worse the last 10 days than I have the whole time except when I first got sick in Kentucky. It seems I'm getting a little better, then worse again.

Lying here thinking, I'm starting to really, really, really freak out that I've been sick enough long enough that my doctor is looking at things like lung cancer and emphysema as reasons. I have never smoked a single cigarette in my life - never even tried it - so it would seem unlikely. But, of course, when you can't breathe well there's generally some reason. And after more than two months of care it pays to check for other causes. Thank goodness he didn't find anything serious, and I'm glad he's a doctor who will say "I might be missing something... lets do an xray to be sure." But, nonetheless, I'm freaked that I've been sick so long such things are a concern.

It has been less than four  months since my cousin died from what seemed to be nothing more than a cold/infection. I'm mindful that one has to take such things seriously.I've been very serious about it but it's still with me. Other than a couple of friends, no one has seemed too concerned about me - other than me - but I know how unusual it is for me to be in bed during the day. It's practically unheard of. The last time I was sick enough to be in bed for more than a day was 5 1/2 years ago - that was 2 1/2 days.As Leah said yesterday, "you're never sick." This has been almost two weeks. I'm starting to freak out a bit. I'm eager to be well.

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As I was getting ready to post this Greg's mom called to check on me. Isn't that nice?!?!?

La Vie en Rose

Teresa, Kathie, Greg and I went to see La Vie en Rose at the Fox tonight. This is the movie about Edith Piaf's life. I had a little trouble keeping up with the multiple jumps from one decade to another and one continent to another. But, it left an impression on me. I may never consume another drop of alcohol. I'm not a big drinker anyway, but I may never touch it again.

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Impromptu Introduction

I had the most wonderful experience this afternoon. I met a lovely young woman named Jade, while I was setting up for the Women's Show that's tomorrow. Jade came over and said she had read a bio on www.wecouldliveanywhere.com and wondered if that was me. It was, of course.

She has also seen me at Wal-mart, where she works. In fact, she had seen me just a little bit earlier because I'd been to get another prescription. (Antibiotic round FIVE for those of you keeping track!)

I'm so glad she introduced herself. We had a nice conversation. I know she's someone I'd like to know better. She's working with a city program to encourage recycling. Interestingly enough, I had just bought a reuseable bag at Wal-Mart. I recycle at home, but I know I can cut down on the amount of bags I'm putting back into the environment. I may not always have one of them with me, but every one I avoid taking out of the store is a benefit. So, I'll make an effort. I just have to get a system going where I've always got some in the car and remember to take them in with me.

I like living somewhere where people will introduce themselves to you. I felt bad that I didn't shake her hand, but I explained I'm trying to keep anyone from getting anything I've got. Peggy's mom has been in the hospital for a week and I had intended to go see her but I haven't felt like going anywhere and I certainly didn't want to expose anyone to what I've got - especially not someone who's not at their optimum to begin with.

On that front, I went to the doctor again today - third time in the last few weeks. Three doctor visits are usually spread over three years for me. Today he sent me for a chest xray to make sure he wasn't missing something, but it was fine - no tumors or anything like that. He just wanted to be sure and I appreciated that considering how rare it is for me to be this sick for this long. I have felt pretty rough for quite a while. I thought I was much better the last couple of days and woke up worse today. So many people are ending up hospitalized with this gunk and it's Friday and I just didn't want to chance it. So, at least I know it's just typical stuff and nothing serious.

I've felt bad enough today I've had to remind myself... "Patsy... you have a cold... keep some perspective... people have real health problems... you have a cold... buck up..." But inbetween that I was nearly in tears because I've just not been "normal" in so long. Hopefully that's just around the corner. Maybe a couple of pills of this heavier duty bug-killing-drug will have me on the mend. And maybe I can stop whining. Geez, I hope so... because I'm sick of my whining... I can't get away from me...

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Food Photography

Just recently I was talking with Greg and how I needed to improve my food photography. He mentioned that we both tend to just do "grab shots" instead of treating it as a real subject. I know food stylists use other things to stand in for food, although I guess in ads you have to use the real thing. But, just like a glamour shot for a person, you can make the food prettier.

Today someone sent me this link to a site where someone took 100 pictures of food out of the package, compared to the package photo. Some are ver striking to me like this or this.  However, it's interesting to look at all of them. It's in German, but you don't need to speak the language to know that what you're getting inside isn't the same as what you're told you're getting.

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Quote of the Day

Believe nothing because it is written in books.
Believe nothing because wise men say it is so.
Believe nothing because it is religious doctrine.
Believe it only because you yourself know it to be true.
              -----Buddha

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Perkier Soon

I've actually been up all day, for the first day in quite awhile. I don't feel normal by any means, but at least I've spent far fewer hours in bed today, which is encouraging. I had a noontime speech that went a little long, and Teresa and I had dinner. Other than that I've pretty much been at the computer.

Tomorrow I have to go set up for the Women's Show on Saturday. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through a full day Saturday, but I'll just have to. Maybe I'll feel much perkier by then.

I've been thinking about our retreat weekend. I need to do some planning for it and just haven't felt like devoting any brain cells to it. But, this weekend I will get that done.

Sometime soon I need to get my taxes done... something that's not fun to think about... but must be done nonetheless...

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Book Group Successful

Tonight was the first ever "Ad Hoc Book Group Gathering." There were six of us - Teresa, Diana, Cleta, Kathie, Julie and me - and it was a good experience. We all agreed we enjoyed, "Eat, Pray, Love."

It's good to hear other people's perspectives. People pointed out things I had missed or forgotten.

This is one of the ways I think we can create a new way of social connection. When Dr. Robert Putnam spoke here he challenged us to come up with new approaches, and I think the relaxed scheduling is appealing to people. I know it's appealing to me. I just can't add one more thing to my schedule that is "every fourth Tuesday..." or whatever. It's just too much.

I'm not sure when or if we'll do another book. I don't have anything on my list right now that I think would be good for discussion. Julie suggested "Middlesex," which she just finished. I'm just not interested in discussing that - it's too dense for me. I read it a year or so ago and remember very little about it as far as details. It does have one of the best opening lines of any book I've ever read.

I'm sure something else will come along that seems like a good book for discussion. I'd like something similar to "Eat, Pray, Love," but there's a reason it's so extraordinary. There aren't piles of books like it out there, waiting for us to pick up.

If you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them. I'm always on the hunt for good books. Thoughtful books.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Creative Sisterhood

Tonight was Creative Sisterhood and it was a blast. We laughed a ton tonight, which is always nice.

September will be five years since we started gathering each month to share our lives. I recently looked at the original email I sent out about getting together and realized that the way it has developed is one of the dreams I had for it. But, I also thought we would make things together at times. We haven't done that yet, but we have created something special.

Connecting with people remains something I'm passionate about. I know, deep in my bones, that those connections are essential for us and that finding ways to facilitate that is critical to our well being. Tomorrow evening is our book discussion for "Eat, Pray, Love," and I think that's a way people can connect, too - ad hoc, no definite schedule from one time to the next. I am going to be really curious to see how the retreat weekend I've planned in April goes. That may, also, be a way to make connections.

I've been working on a Creative Sisterhood Cookbook - just a little project I thought would be fun. One of the things I've learned is that we eat a lot of chocolate. It's not that any of us minds chocolate - quite the contrary - but we've eaten a lot of it. And it's no one's fault but mine since I'm the one who decides what to bake. Apparently I'm chocolate deprived, and assume everyone else needs more chocolate, too.

Because I've recently realized that I provide chocolate a lot, I decided I'd make something non-chocolate tonight. I wanted to make a double batch of something so I'd have it done for tomorrow, too. So... tonight's offering was... White Texas Sheet Cake.

I have posted this recipe before, but just in case you didn't make a note of it then, here's another chance. This is - honestly - one of the best cakes I have in my recipe files. The only reason I don't make it more often is that I don't always keep sour cream on hand. That's what gives it the wonderfully moist texture it has.

While I'm on the topic of recipes, I now have a section on my website where I will gather any blog posts about food into one place. So, you'll be able to go straight to the recipes area and find things without having to wade through the blog.



White Texas Sheet Cake

I don't know why this is called Texas cake. I got it from someone who was born in Colorado and lived in North Dakota before moving to Kansas. Regardless of how its name came about, this is a cake that draws rave reviews every time I make it. It's so rich I generally cut it in pretty small, almost bite sized, pieces. Tonight, however, I made more generous pieces.

1 cup butter
1 cup water
2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder

Frosting:
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup milk
4 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup chopped walnuts

In a large saucepan, bring butter and water to a boil. Remove from heat and stir in remaining cake ingredients. Pour into 15 by 10 baking pan. Bake at 375 degrees for about 20 minutes, until done. Cool for 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, make frosting by combining butter and milk in a saucepan. Bring to a boil then remove from heat, add other ingredients and spread over warm cake.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Accepting it

As of today I have accepted that I'm sick. In reality, I've been sick since January, but I have been denying it. I do that. I just hate to be sick so bad that I will pretend I'm not until I just can't stay out of bed. I've reached that point. And, for the record, yes, I know a piddly little cold like I have is nothing and I'm thankful it's nothing. OK, now, just ignore me, because I'm about to be whiney. Very whiney. I'm not a good patient. I'm warning you... I just want to whine... but you can skip it and I don't have to embarrass myself in front of you that way, but I'll get the whining out of my system.

I've been trying to ignore that I'm sick for days, weeks, months, although you'd think the hours I've spent in bed would have been a clue, considering I never go back to bed during the day unless I'm sick. I've been trying to go about my normal life, only to find myself back upstairs under the electric blanket every 2-3 hours. I finished the prednisone today so maybe I can actually sleep some now. I bet I - literally - haven't slept 10 hours all week.

In the last 60 days, I've been on antibiotics more than half the time. I've had four rounds of antibiotics, three rounds of prednisone, and been prescribed an inhaler. I am a very healthy person. I have healthy lungs. It is time for this to be over. I can't believe I have a single germ left in my body, but the pile of used tissues near me would indicate otherwise. I started taking mucinex a couple of days ago and I seem to be producing gunk from my lungs at a rate I didn't know possible. At this point I just want it out of me - by whatever disgusting means that requires.

I went to the Dillon Lecture today - thinking I was feeling pretty good. Three hours after I left the house I was crawling back up the stairs where I remained for a few hours. I got up and came downstairs, thinking I was better. Went back up to get something and decided I'd just lie down for a few minutes. Hours later I was back up. You get the general picture.

Inbetween there was much hacking, wheezing, coughing and nose-blowing. It's the soundtrack of my life.

OK, you can't say I didn't warn you... but I got that out of my system now. I'm going to haul my sorry, whiney butt upstairs and back to bed. Perhaps tomorrow will be the turning point when I start to feel normal again.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Quote of the Day

Everyday life is the prayer.
How we conduct it, cherish it,
celebrate it, consecrate it.
              ~Sarah Ban Breathnach
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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Google Ads

I run google ads on my website and generally I'm so impressed with how well they match with the content on my blog. Until today. When I logged in to see an ad for J. Mc C for President. Apparently they overlooked the part that I'm a democrat and not supporting him. I'm not spelling out his name here so I don't confuse them further. I don't think I've mentioned him recently but his ad is running nonetheless. I'm afraid that is probably a big waste of money - I'm doubting a lot of Mc C supporters read my blog - but, who knows - maybe so. It's a nice ad - very well designed.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Daydream Believers by Fred Kaplan

Thursday evening I went to see Fred Kaplan speak. He is a Hutchinson, Kansas, native and stopped in to discuss his latest book, "Daydream Believers," in which he examines the tactics and policies of this administration and how they affect the war in Iraq. 
He said one of the reasons we're at war is that there is a perception that the world changed after September 11, but that's not really true. Americans may have changed their view, but the rest of the world did not. The other factor he mentioned is that when the cold war ended, so did a system of order that had been in effect for a long time. New powers were emerging and the Soviet Union was diminishing in power. He says, "what has happened since the cold war is the resumption of history.

That means that a president had a couple of options of how to manage in a new world. 1. Be an imperial power, but we didn't really have the "money, manpower or stomach" for that. 2. Form alliances.

He said one of the reasons we invaded Iraq is just that we could. "Smart bombs replace the need for large armies, so we didn't need allies so much." One of the problems was that we weren't clear in our goals. As he put it, "It's one thing to get rid of Saddam. It's another thing to prevent another Saddam and have real regime change."

Rumsfeld viewed it as a demonstration of our power to take out Saddam. He had no desire to restore power. He just wanted to win the war. To him that was removing Saddam.


Kaplan said it's an "example of how these guys paid no attention to history." He said the view of many in the administration was that "Freedom is a God-given gift" and that if you remove the dictator, freedom will spew forth like a volcano. The problem with this concept is that if you look at history you'll see it's completely false. Democracy is not a natural state, just waiting for an opportunity.


"Social and political freedom is very difficult. If it's inherent, why did it take 1800 centuries for it to come to fruition?" he asked. He went on to say, "Democracy is creating a government that can negotiate how you handle things." He said, "I think US policy has to have a moral dimension, but it's one thing to protect democracy, it's another to fling ourselves into another place to create democracy."


As for the war, he said, "there are no good options" but he said there is "a lot of political leverage in those troops" and we should be using that to encourage Iraqis to govern themselves. But, he said, "Regardless of who is president, you're not going to see a total pull out for a long time."

He said our continual focus on terrorism is only serving to reinforce the ideas a young potetial jihadist might be interested in. Instead of talking about terrorists as if they are small, disjointed bands of people, we keep talking about them as well organized groups that have us scared - something appealing to someone who wants 'death to America.' He said, "We're doing 80% of Osama Bin Laden's recruiting for him."


He said the coming years are going to require the president, whoever it is, to "start talking and ... make deals and compromises. We have only known life as a superpower and that's not the way it is anymore. We're not completely like the British after WWII but close to that."


He said we have to deal with things as they are and stop pretending. He said when the dollar is no longer the standard currency, we will be in real trouble. "The reason we're not impoverished is China's bankers are floating us," he said, "but they're diversifying." He summed it up nicely when he said, "We buy their cheap goods with money they loan us."

Kaplan has a Ph.D. from MIT and was a foreign policy advisor to Congressman Les Aspin in the 1970s. He has written for the Boston Globe, and won a Pulitzer Prize. He has written for a number of publications, including  The New York Times and The Atlantic Monthly. He also writes a column for Slate magazine. 

Easter Weekend

Greg and I kicked off Easter Weekend Friday night with a trip to ye olde Wal-mart where this perfect little bunny jumped off the shelf and right into my cart. How can you ignore him with his jaunty little ear perked up? He is now residing in my home, as you might expect.

We went to Roy's today. I hadn't been all week, which is unusual for me, but it has been a busy week and I've been so sick, too. Anne wasn't there because she was sick so Debbie was taking orders. They had a ton of things going out the door because the NJCAA tournament is going on here and also because tomorrow is Easter.

It's the first time in a long time I've seen this much of a line before noon, waiting to even get to the door, to wait in the line for food inside. Greg took this photo of people reflected in the window outside. Of course, we were able to get the photo because, we, too, were waiting outside.



They were so overwhelmed I was wiping off tables for them. I've offered before at times when they've been really busy, but today is the first day they've let me. I was happy, happy, happy to be able to help a little bit. They take very good care of me. As you might expect, I have a certain way I like my BBQ cut and Ryan always does it just that way. I know they give me special treatment so wiping a few tables was the least I could do.



Tonight we went to Dutch Kitchen, thinking it would not be very busy since it's a little out of town. It was a good choice. As we were paying there was much laughter in the dining room and we walked back in to find a young man with pie on this face. Literally.



Apparently it's a tradition there to put a pie in the face of employees on their last night. Tonight was his. He was a very good sport about it - saying the pie was tasty. I can believe that as the Dutch Kitchen makes very good pie, although I'm guessing this was more whipped cream than anything else.

It has been a pretty quiet day otherwise. I feel a little better than yesterday. Thank goodness I started my fourth round of antibiotics on Tuesday - I have been getting sicker since then so I can't imagine how I would have felt if I hadn't had them. I can't believe there are any little germs left in me - I've been on antibiotics more than half of the last 60 days, but nonetheless that would seem to be the case. I'm certain this will finally destroy the little buggers.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Arthur C. Clarke Obituary

Arthur C. Clarke died this week. If you watched television, used your cell phone or any number of other communication technologies today that require satellites, you owe a debt of gratitude to Arthur C. Clarke. For that matter, it could be argued that the mere fact that you're on the world wide web right now is due to Mr. Clarke.

He was a writer, first and foremost, but he had an uncanny ability to foresee possibilities that were to come to fruition. At age 90, he had just reviewed the manuscript for his latest book, which will be published later this year.

The Washington Post has a wonderful obit, which I've copied here in case they take it down at some point. Here's the link to the original, and the text. They have also posted a recent photo of Mr. Clarke.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/18/AR2008031802346.html?hpid=topnews

Arthur C. Clarke; Sci-Fi Writer Foresaw Mankind's Possibilities

By Patricia Sullivan

Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, March 19, 2008; Page B07

Arthur C. Clarke, 90, the world-famous science-fiction writer, futurist and unofficial poet laureate of the space age, died of a respiratory ailment March 18 at his home in Colombo, Sri Lanka.

Mr. Clarke co-wrote, with director Stanley Kubrick, the screenplay for "2001: A Space Odyssey," which is regarded by many as one of the most important science fiction films made. A prolific writer, with more than 100 published books, he was praised for his ability to foresee the possibilities of human innovation and explain them to non-scientific readers.

The most famous example is from 1945, when he first proposed the idea of communications satellites that could be based in geostationary orbits, which keep satellites in a fixed position relative to the ground.

Some scoffed, but the idea was proved almost a generation later with the launch of Early Bird, the first of the commercial satellites that provide global communications networks for telephone, television and high-speed digital communication. The orbit is now named Clarke Orbit by the International Astronomical Union.

"He had influenced the world in the best way possible," writer Ray Bradbury said in Neil McAleer's 1992 book "Arthur C. Clarke: The Authorized Biography." "Arthur's ideas have sent silent engines into space to speak in tongues. His fabulous communications satellite ricocheted about in his head long before it leaped over the mountains and flatlands of the Earth."

In addition to his books, he wrote more than 1,000 short stories and essays. One of his short stories, "Dial F for Frankenstein" (1964), inspired British computer scientist Tim Berners-Lee to invent the World Wide Web in 1989.

Mr. Clarke also popularized the idea of a space elevator as an energy-efficient alternative to rockets. Conceived by a Russian engineer in 1960 and re-invented at least four times in the next decades, Mr. Clarke's inclusion of the idea in a 1979 novel brought it to popular attention and helped launch a new field of study. He told New Scientist magazine last year that it would be built "50 years after everyone stops laughing."

But it was his collaboration with Kubrick in the 1968 film that made him internationally famous. The screenplay for "2001: A Space Odyssey" was based on Mr. Clarke's 1951 short story "The Sentinel," and Mr. Clarke simultaneously wrote the companion novel, which was released three months after the film and was believed by many to be a more detailed explanation of the ideas in the film.

Mr. Clarke's work inspired the names of spacecraft, an asteroid and a species of dinosaur. He joined American broadcaster Walter Cronkite as a commentator on the Apollo moonshots in the late 1960s. Two television series in the 1980s spread his ideas around the world.

He was knighted in 1998, nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1994 and received the Franklin Institute gold medal, the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization-Kalinga Prize and other honors.

Mr. Clarke, a resident of Sri Lanka since 1956, worked with Jacques Cousteau and others to help perfect scuba equipment. He moved to the country, then known as Ceylon, to open a dive shop and explore the undersea world. Disabled by post-polio syndrome, the lingering effects of a disease that had paralyzed him for two months in 1959, Mr. Clarke said diving was as close as he could get to the weightless feeling of space.

"I'm perfectly operational underwater," he once said.

His dive shop was destroyed in the 2004 tsunami.

Born Dec. 17, 1917, in Minehead, Somerset, England, he was the son of a postal service engineer turned farmer and a post office telegrapher. He became addicted to science fiction at 11.

In 1936, he moved to London and joined the British Interplanetary Society and began writing science fiction. After enlisting in the Royal Air Force in 1941, he became a radar instructor and participated in the development of ground-controlled landings of aircraft under zero-visibility conditions. That experience proved the inspiration for his only non-science-fiction novel, "Glide Path."

It is also where, in 1945, he wrote an RAF memo about satellites. He later revised it and submitted it as "Extra-Terrestrial Relays" to Wireless World, which almost rejected it as too far-fetched. He was wrong about some things: He expected that three satellites would take care of the world's communication needs and that each would require a crew in residence.

After World War II, Mr. Clarke obtained a bachelor of science degree in physics and mathematics at King's College, London.

In 1954, Mr. Clarke wrote to Harry Wexler, then chief of the Scientific Services Division at the U.S. Weather Bureau, about satellite applications for weather forecasting. From these discussions, a new branch of meteorology was born.

Mr. Clarke's marriage to Marilyn Mayfield ended in divorce. Survivors include a brother and sister, both of whom live in England.

According to a news release from the Arthur C. Clarke Foundation, Mr. Clarke reviewed the final manuscript of his latest science fiction novel, "The Last Theorem," a few days ago. It is scheduled to be published later this year.

Although he rarely left Sri Lanka, he kept in touch with the rest of the world by using the satellite communication he predicted so long ago. He told the Associated Press that he didn't regret never going into space because he had arranged to have the DNA from his hair sent into orbit.

"Some day, some super civilization may encounter this relic from the vanished species and I may exist in another time," he said.

In a 90th birthday video recorded in December, Mr. Clarke said he had only three last wishes: That someone find evidence of extraterrestrial life; that the world adopt clean energy sources; and that an end be found to the long civil war in Sri Lanka.

"I'm sometimes asked how I would like to be remembered. I've had a diverse career as a writer, underwater explorer, space promoter and science populariser," he said. "Of all these, I want to be remembered most as a writer -- one who entertained readers, and, hopefully, stretched their imagination as well."

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

The Day the Hyacinths Bloomed

Today is the day the hyacinths all bloomed. They've been barely budding out but one and a half days of warmth and they are in full bloom.

My mom grew hyacinths and I have always loved the smell. I should plant more this fall.
"If, of thy mortal goods, thou art bereft,
And from thy slender store two loaves
alone to thee are left,
Sell one and from the dole,
Buy hyacinths to feed the soul"

-Muslihuddin Sadi,
13th Century Persian Poet

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Rene Godefroy Speech in Hutchinson Kansas

Wednesday morning I had the pleasure of hearing motivational speaker, Rene Godefroy, at the Prairie View Food for Thought series in Hutchinson, Kansas. This series brings some wonderful folks to speak, but this was exceptional.

Godefroy was born in Haiti, and lived in the small village with another lady while his mother went to Port au Prince to work. He said when he got to see his mother some years later and she hugged him for the first time in ages he, "felt like a giant."

He went to Canada with a theatre company and came into the US illegally 25 years ago praying, "If you help me make it to the US, I promise I will not waste my life." He dreamed of living in the US and still feels blessed to be living here.

Unable to speak English, Rene arrived in Brooklyn with just five dollars, two shirts and one pair of pants. Knowing there was a large Haitian population in Miami he went there. He joked Miami was not a good place to learn English - that he learned Spanish before he learned English.

He worked at a variety of jobs, one of which was washing cars in a bank parking lot until a new maintenance person told him he couldn't do that anymore. He talked about how he used to imagine what went on on the top floor of the bank and thought maybe one day he could empty the trash up there. But he said eventually that experience played into his first rule by teaching him that "Life is a series of rejections."

He also realized later that to reach his eventual dreams he had to be a different person than the one who was thinking about emptying trash. And, he became that person and was invited by the bank president, years later, to come up to that top floor for a gathering. He mentioned the Einstein quote, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

This quote really resonated with me. I had read it before, but had forgotten it and there is some real wisdom in that.

For some years he worked as a doorman at a hotel in Atlanta. When he was parking cars he would notice the books people had in their cars and go get a copy and read it so he learned about some of the great business strategies. Now he has his own book, "Kick Your Excuses Goodbye."

He would carry the bags of speakers who were coming in for events and at night when he was doing set up he would visualize that he was the speaker. Eventually, that came true and he was.
He has five strategies he shares that took him from poverty to living the American dream.
1. Stop rehearsing the past.
2. Always go the extra mile.
3. Decide and act.
4. It's a process. Not an event.
5. Have a Honey attitude (find the sweetness in everyone).

These really resonated with me. Some of them reminded me of my own Rules for Living. My number three rule is almost the same as his.

When I read his first one - stop rehearsing the past - it suddenly struck me that maybe this is why I don't like to look at old journals or photographs. For reasons I don't understand it makes me sad, even if the events are not sad. So, I don't do it. Why would I do something that makes me sad? Maybe it's one way I don't rehearse the past.

The idea of it's a process, not an event, is one I really need to grasp. I have been working on this for awhile now, although I didn't have it phrased this way. I decided a few months ago to "Let go of the 'how' and Prepare for the 'when'," trusting the universe to provide the "how" if I was ready for it "when" it came along.

The concept of just being nice and going the extra mile is something I've been working on for a few years. I've learned to just be pleasant to people as much as I can muster, even if I don't feel it, because there's no point in not being. I had an opportunity to do that very thing tonight and I failed so I'll try to do better tomorrow. It's most difficult for me when I'm frustrated, and that was the situation tonight. Alas, perhaps the next time around I'll do a better job, although I hope it's not with this particular thing again.

It was very interesting and I'm so glad I went. I continue to try and get people to attend the Food for Thought series, with little effect. It's a pity because they have some amazing events and people are missing out. But, there's nothing I can do about that. Peggy came, and I was so glad she was able to use my extra ticket. It's always fun to see her and she enjoys the lectures as much as I do.

Godefroy's speech left me with much to think about and I absolutely love that.

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