Sacred Trust Violated

A journalist has two sacred trusts between him and his source:

1. Always protect your source - journalists have gone to jail instead of giving up their sources.

2. Always respect "off the record."

 

These two things allow journalists to build respect and trust between them and newsmakers. It's how the system works. It's journalism 101. Actually, it's journalism from freshman high school level. Okay, make that seventh grade.

 

When Terry Moran put Obama's comment about Kanye West being a jackass on twitter he violated that sacred trust. And a "journalist" who's willing to do that has no respect for the system and will do anything. I cannot imagine a newsmaker ever trusting him again. If I were a newsmaker I wouldn't even tell him what time it was.

 

I won't even comment on his "opinion" added to the tweet. Surely we all know that real journalists don't give opinion. They give facts. If you want to be a commentator, get a show for that or get a blog. If you want to be a journalist, there are some rules to follow. See numbers 1 and 2 above for starters.

 

It's not that I disagree with Obama's assessment, and I doubt too many are going to jump to the defense of Kanye West because most people think grown men shouldn't be terribly rude to teenagers at all, much less in front of millions of people. Frankly, I like having a president who feels like the rest of us do about such a thing instead of having some politically correct answer.

 

But I really don't want to live in a world where the way I found this out is accepted practice. I'm not one to talk a whole lot about the constitution, but there's a reason it is written for freedom of the press. Without respect for these rules there can be no free press, and without that there can be no free people.

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Being Civil

I didn't see it when it happened, but I've seen it since. What was Kanye West thinking? In case you don't know, he interrupted teenager Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the VMA awards to point out that Beyonce had one of the best videos ever.

 

They cut to Beyonce who is shocked. You don't have to be too good of a lip reader to see that this is not a compliment she is comfortable with.

 

She was very gracious by inviting Taylor Swift back on stage to give her acceptance speech when Beyonce won an award later. Not that there's any lesson one learns that tells you how to act in such a situation, but good grief, Taylor Swift is a teenager. She's navigating some difficult waters as it is. Apparently Kanye West thought he'd just try to make things awkward for her, Beyonce and everyone else in the auditorium - and who is seeing it later.

 

I realize there are far bigger issues in the world, but this is a microcosm of one thing that's very wrong in our world - we have forgotten how to be civil. I'm not saying we all have to be 100% appropriate in every circumstance - that's just not going to happen - we all make mistakes.

 

And it's a matter of how big a microphone we have. Unfortunately, Kayne West had a big microphone. Of course, he stole it from Taylor Swift.

 

This comes right after Joe Wilson's outburst of "you lie" during the president's speech. I do not believe that the president deserves respect just because he's the president. I believe respect has to be earned. But that sort of action is inappropriate in that circumstance. I would have felt the same if someone had yelled "you lie" at President Bush when he was speaking. It's not the right environment or method to express your feelings. Wilson was out of line, as was evidenced by the reaction of others at that gathering who were horrified.

 

It was the same reaction at the Video Music Awards and at the President's Speech. People understand when things go too far. But some people, namely Wilson and West in these cases, didn't get it beforehand. Have we lost the ability to predict that uncomfortable situation?

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Weekend Going, Going, Gone

I have spent most of the weekend engaged in fair-related activities, although I was on the fair grounds very little today.

Susan and I met for lunch and to catch up. It was great to visit with her. I was with her until about 3, then ran over to Trish's briefly. I did manage to do a little work at home before leaving for the Huey Lewis concert at the fair. Very little, but a little.

Trish and I met there and I'm glad I went. It was fun. Those guys can really sing, which they proved by doing a couple of numbers acapella. They also handled a concert they way I like - no opening act and don't be too chatty between numbers.

The one thing they all do that drives me nuts is the fake encore thing. It's fake because we all know they're coming back. I'm not sure why groups can't play until they're done and then be done. I don't get the point of it, but apparently I'm the only one who doesn't get it.

The weekend has been too fast. This will be a busy week for me at work and I'm on the road one day so there's much to accomplish.

(Greg took this photo of me Saturday night)

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A Day at the State Fair

I spent most of the day at the Kansas State Fair. We're so fortunate to have it happening right in town. The party comes to us and we just have to drive a few blocks to join in.

 

Greg and I went to a concert tonight and he took some nice photos. I'm a little weary to work on them tonight, but hopefully will get them posted tomorrow.

 

Of course, tomorrow I also need to work on the house because I pretty much played all day today. I am having lunch with Susan tomorrow. She and Jim are working the fair and I happened to plop down on a bench across from them to put some stuff in my backpack and Susan saw me. It will be good to catch up with her a bit.

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The Days Zip By

This week has zipped by and I feel like I didn't accomplish very much during it. In fact, I never even got my to-do list rewritten, which was going to be the first thing I did Tuesday morning. But, my days just didn't go as I had planned, and it never happened.

At home I've created a huge mess working on the office. I'm hoping this weekend I can make some headway on that. Next weekend I'll have company for the fair so people do need to be able to walk through my house, which at the moment is not really possible. There are paths in the dining room where I pulled stuff from the office. I'm going to aim higher than just pathways.

I was industrious enough to mow the front yard tonight. It got dark before I got the back done but I didn't want to be the person who's front yard was a mess when we're expecting so many visitors in town. I guess that's my civic duty for the day.

Today is the first day of the Kansas State Fair. Generally I go the first night but not this year. But, tomorrow. I love the Fair. People whine about the traffic and the people and the noise and the dust and the whatever. I love it. Not all those things in particular, but there's plenty to love.

The fair is a great example of taking advantage of what's in your own backyard. It's the largest event in the state and it happens in the town where I live. All I have to do is just drive a couple of miles and walk in. It's not uncommon to run across people who live in Hutchinson and never go to the fair. The biggest event in the state is happening, people are coming from all over for it, and people here won't drive five minutes to go.

No doubt tomorrow I'll be looking at jars of jelly with blue ribbons and picking up whatever this year's favorite freebie is. Expect to see photos.

Do something fun in your own backyard this weekend.
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Ace Jackalope is More Famous

Ace Jackalope is famous... well, more famous. Check him out on page 30 of this issue of Hutchinson Magazine.

Oh, and Greg is there too.

Follow the lope at http://www.thelope.com/.


________________

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Warrior For Family Values

The representative in California who was bragging about making love with his girlfriend describes himself as a warrior for family values. I wonder if he spanks his wife, too, or just the girlfriends.

 

I'm so tired of people who are hypocrites. While I might not share all of the traditional "family values," I do respect the few people I see who believe that way and actually live it.

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My Story About Health Care Reform

I haven't said a whole lot about the health care reform debate but I think we need a change.

A few years ago I was at a presentation by Newt Gingrich when he said we needed to just throw out the system and start over - we didn't need reform, we needed something completely new. I agreed with him then. I agree with him now.

I'm not smart enough to figure out what that should look like. But I am smart enough to look at the stats from countries with socialized medicine and see that they live longer than we do, which seems counter-intuitive to the idea that they don't get access to medical care. In reality, they get far more access than many Americans do.

As is so often the case with any such discussion in this country, it's WHICH Americans are getting care that is the issue. Those who have private insurance have great access to care. Those who don't have private insurance have very little access to care. Oh sure, you can go to the emergency room, but stats show people are reluctant to do that until the situation is very serious and they're far more likely to die.

It's the haves and have-nots. Most of the haves can't see why we need to change a thing. They've got insurance and therefore access to health care. They don't want it messed with. They believe that, obviously, everyone else could have it too if they were making good decisions/living right/working hard/fill in the phrase of your choice.

I've been a very lucky girl because I've always been in the "have it" category. And, yet, because of a need for surgery earlier this year I send hundreds of dollars a month to various medical entities. I say "no" to many things I'd like to do because I need to pay medical bills. I say "no" to luxuries like concerts, events, weekend trips, dinners out and dozens of other things because I need the money to pay medical bills.

I work as much as I can outside of my "normal" job to make extra money to pay medical bills. I'm really blessed I'm able to do that - that I have skills I can market, that people are willing to pay me for them and that my job allows me to use my time off to do those sorts of things.

In between I take phone calls from medical entities whose default mode is "nasty," for no reason other than they can be, I suppose. I've been in tears more times than I can count. I've been able to set up payment plans with everyone and I've not been late a single time, but the default if I need to talk to them about something is usually nasty and condescending. For those who have treated me like a normal human being, who just didn't happen to have a few thousand dollars on hand to give you immediately, I thank you. You don't know how much your kindnesses have meant to me.

I worry every day about medical bills. Every day. If I'm being treated this way and I have insurance and am paying my bills I cannot imagine what it's like to have no insurance and a bill that's many tens of thousands of dollars more than mine. Because, of course, my bill was reduced significantly by the "negotiated" insurance rate.

This is just another scam of the health care system. If the negotiated rate is $100 for something, you can't make me believe anyone is losing money on it. In one case, a friend's $11,000 bill became less than $1000 at the negotiated rate. But, of course, if you don't have insurance, it costs $11,000. And when you can't pay it, it's written off as a "loss." In reality, the loss was less than $1,000 because everyone is still making a profit at that. But the loss is entered as $11,000 and bandied about as evidence of how awful it is that they're having to absorb these horrendous bills.

The reason I have so many bills is that I had an insurance with a high deductible - not because I was trying to save so much money on premiums, but because it was all I could afford. And it wasn't easy for me to get that insurance card. Because I'm overweight I was deemed as uninsurable by the insurance companies. My cholesterol is 107. My sugar is normal. My blood pressure is normal. But it didn't matter. I didn't fit on their charts and they were having none of me. Because we have an option in Kansas for a "public" system you can buy into, I had insurance. I was paying about $275 a month in premiums for a $7500 deductible. I would have liked a lower deductible, but the next level at a $5000 deductible was just more than I could afford. But, thankfully, I had insurance.

When I was diagnosed with an ovarian tumor in January, my insurance card bought me access to a specialist without me having to lift a finger, other than to pull the card out. That magic card gave me passage from my doctor to a surgeon to a specialist, all within a few days. And I'm grateful. I thought as I went under that morning, not knowing if I would wake up as a "cancer patient" or as "very lucky girl," that I was getting the best care I could. Why? Because I had an insurance card.

So, here I am, a very lucky girl. And I know it. And I'm thankful. My tumor was benign. My surgeon was fantastic. My hospital was exceptional. My friends were terrific. I'm a very lucky girl.

But, although I'm a "have" in the insurance game, and a very lucky girl, I am not willing to gamble that I will always be so lucky as to be a "have." And I'm not so heartless to think that because I "have," that's all that matters. I want everyone to be a have. And I'm willing to pay more taxes for it. Yes, that's right. I'm willing to pay more taxes. I do not believe I will be paying as much in taxes as I'm paying now for insurance and care. I also just do not believe myself to be so special that I should be a "have" while others do without. I don't think I'm that much more intelligent or hard working or entitled than others who don't have insurance.

Because I've had to go find insurance, and have actually gone through that process, I have some sense of just how tenuous it is. I've also sat on a board of directors where we were hearing repeatedly how upset people were that they weren't getting raises while we were continuing to pay their insurance premiums that had doubled in just a few short years. I suggested at one time that we stop offering insurance and give people the money instead. That was not viewed as a viable option. But at some point it will have to be because companies just will not be able to afford to continue offering insurance.

If people didn't get insurance through their companies - which frankly makes no real sense, it's just something that evolved over time - a huge percentage of people would not be able to get it. If you're a little bit overweight, have high blood pressure or diabetes, have had cancer or a heart attack, have severe allergies or a congenital defect, or any number of other "common" ailments like high cholesterol you are probably uninsurable.

Respectfully, if you haven't ever had to go find insurance on your own, you can't really speak to what the insurance crisis is like. If you actually need insurance, or if you fit on their chart where they think you might need insurance, they aren't interested in having you as a customer.

Now I work somewhere where insurance is an option and all I had to do was fill out a sheet of paper and sign it. I pay half and they pay half. I'm paying about what I was but my deductible is 10% of what it was. Of course, absolutely nothing has changed about my health status. But because I'm a very lucky girl, I've now landed in a "group," which is an insurance company creation to make money. If I had been in a "group" earlier, averaging the costs over a large number of people, it would have been much less for premiums. But I was an individual, so no group pricing for me. In the group I'm in it would be less if there were more people. But insurance companies don't want us to form large groups because they would lose money then.

I want everyone to have good care and the only reason they don't now is that insurance companies want to get richer. You know what the biggest increase in health care cost has been in the last decade? Administration costs. You know what that means? Hiring people to tell you all the reasons they don't pay for your claim. Those people you fight with on the phone are the biggest increase in health care costs.

Eight months after surgery I'm still fighting with my insurance company about paying for the appendectomy they did when I was operated on. It's standard procedure when ovarian cancer is suspected because the appendix is one of the first places to show abnormal cells. Because they couldn't tell from initial pathology if mine was cancer or not they took out my appendix. My insurance company doesn't want to pay for it. They, apparently, believe it would make more sense for me to heal from this surgery and then go back for another surgery, with another hospital stay, to have my appendix out at some later date. It cost an additional $401 during this surgery. But, somehow they believe a 2-3 hospital day stay, sedation, etc. later is more logical than to pay $401 now. I'm not medically trained and I don't pretend to understand much of anything about the system, but I know that's ridiculous.

I'm not smart enough to know what to do about the health care system. But I know there's ENOUGH in this country for everyone to have all they need, and that includes medical care. There is enough. Period. Enough. I'm not saying that you or the guy down the street can't have more than other people - more than enough. That's fine with me. I just want everyone to have enough. Enough food. Enough housing. Enough schooling. Enough medical care. Enough.

UPDATE: 9/30/2011
I'm still paying medical bills, but have some of them paid off now. I no longer have an employer's health insurance plan so I have some temporary insurance while I hunt for something permanent again. The COBRA plan was more than my mortgage, so that wasn't an option. I ended up having a second surgery in 2009 but am now feeling fabulous. I am, indeed, very lucky. I still want everyone to be able to say that.

UPDATE: 6/28/2012
I have been a "have not" for months. No health insurance company will insure me now because I had an ovarian tumor removed. We never get past that question. The high risk pool I can buy into would cost me $16,000 a year before they would pay anything - not reasonable for me. Today the Supreme Court upheld that the Affordable Health Care Act, dubbed "Obamacare" by detractors, as constitutional. In 2014 I will be able to buy health insurance because companies will no longer be able to pick and choose their customers.

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Labor Day Work

I have spent labor day working on my home office. I know, I keep saying that, but I'm still working on it. I will be saying it for some time to come. Today, unfortuantely, I've made things look worse.

 

Greg and I did go to dinner - that was my fun for the day. Then Sharon and Greg came over and helped me move some furniture, including some shelving units. I really want my home office to be all tidy and organized. I'm a long way from that at the moment. And in the process I've managed to destroy the dining room, where I'm sorting everything.

 

Creative Sisterhood is this week, but the ladies will just have to ignore all the chaos around them. I don't know how other people manage to keep everything perfect all the time. I can't get it perfect, much less keep it that way. I doubt I'll have much opportunity to work on it this week but maybe next weekend.

 

I'm very happy to have the shelves in here. I believe them to be the key to my office being more organized. I so hope that is true. If not, I need a plan B, and I have no clue what that is.

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Life By To-Do List

I start and end every day with a to-do list. Unfortunately, it rarely gets shorter. It just gets messier until I have to rewrite it, getting rid of the crossed out items and giving the ones I've jotted down in the margins their own line.

If something has been on a few to-do lists without getting done I put it on the "long term" list - a separate list that contains things I think are good ideas but that I just can't get to right now.

I'm always amazed at people who don't keep lists. How do they ever remember what they need to do? Are you one of those people? If so, please tell me what the secret is.

Senator Keith Ellison of Minnesota Speaks Truth

Senator Keith Ellison of Minnesota has become one of my favorite representatives this morning after seeing him on CNN with John King. He was talking about health care reform and he's the first person I've seen, on either side of the issue, who just spoke the truth. Not the politically appropriate truth, just the truth. Hallelujah. Finally, someone who will just speak the truth.

I won't try to summarize all he said, but I encourage you to find it online and watch it. It's a brief interview and Senator Ellison speaks truth.

The truth is that insurance companies have a monopoly in many places, particularly in large cities and small states. For example, in Vermont, about 98% of people are insured by Blue Cross. What possible motivation would they have to price themselves competitively? It's ridiculous to believe they would.

We need options so insurance companies have to compete. What that looks like is up for debate, but we need options and the "free" market has not offered that. The free market has organized itself into discrete monopolies.

Two things Sen. Ellison mentioned, that I'm paraphrasing, that I liked were:
Government is good. I got here on a government funded road. I went to a university supported by the government.
Why must liberals always cave? Everyone needs to compromise some so we get to a workable solution.

I know nothing about Sen. Ellison, but as of a few minutes ago I am dubbing him an "up and comer" to be watched. If he can survive in the political climate actually speaking truth, he could do some wonderful things.
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Where Everybody Knows Your Name

When I go to my favorite burger spot here - Skaets - I always order a moon burger. It's really a bacon-cheeseburger, but they starting calling it the moon burger in 1969 and it has stuck. As with most things, there's a certain way I like it prepared and they're so good to me.

Lisa, who's section we always try to sit in, told me she just wrote "Patsy" on the ticket if it was the normal crew, because they all know I want it extra well done, with no red left in the meat, grilled onions, extra pickles, and extra crispy fries. The other night I took a photo of the ticket to share..

There's something comforting in being a regular. Cheers made a whole TV series off the concept. While that was fictional, the idea is a solid one we can all relate to. Of course, smart people in any service industry make it a point to learn about their customers. It's part human nature and part business.

There's a reason we're attracted to the idea of being known. We want to feel connected and going into a restaurant where people know what you want gives that sense. Are we really connected? Probably not in a deep, meaningful way. We're connected on this one thread and by and large that exists in a vacuum.

But it gives us that feeling of "everybody knows your name" and it's warm and comfortable. Who doesn't want more of that in your life?
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Of Football and Taxes

The big news in our little burg tonight is that the local high school football team won their first game 55-27 against their big rival that beat them last year. The local team has won five straight state championships and is hoping for a sixth this year.

You might wonder if I have suddenly begun following high school sports. No, rest assured, that is not the case. I do think it's cool they've won five years in a row, and I appreciate the difficulty of that, and I love it that many people came to town today for the game and some of them will stay all night, buy gas, eat in our restaurants, etc., but that is about all the energy I can muster for it

Frankly, I didn't even know they were on a winning streak with the state championships until they were three years in. I'm not a big sports fan, what can I say?

But, tonight they played in the newly redone Gowan's stadium, which reminded me that I played a role in tonight's game because I supported that. Recently we had the opportunity to vote to upgrade the stadium. I'd never been in it in all the years I've lived here. I haven't been in it since, although I saw some TV footage of the before and after and it looked impressive.

But, when I was in the voting booth, I voted "yes" on spending tax money to upgrade it. Yes, that's right, I willingly voted to raise my taxes in order to have money for something that I don't use. And I did it without hesitation. You might ask why a person would do such a thing.

Well, because I saw it as a valuable thing for the community as a whole and because I want people who love sports to be able to indulge their passions, just as I want to indulge mine at the arts center or the library or whatever - not that those are mutually exclusive, I'm just using them as examples. Just because I don't use something personally doesn't mean it's not a valuable resource. I don't drive on every road or read every book in the library, but those are things I support too - happily so.

This is what living in a "community" is all about to me - we pool our resources so everyone can have what they want/need. Obviously, building a football stadium is out of the financial reach of most people - even if every game is a sell out and everyone contributes a few bucks,  it's not going to build a stadium, or even upgrade one.

But, when everyone in a community chips in we can have a beautiful stadium and a well-stocked library and good roads and the water park and public golf courses. I use two of those five things. I support the others happily and willingly. I want everyone to have access to the things that thrill them. That's not football for me, although I did turn on the radio at one point to see how it was going and was happy to hear the local team was doing well.

Recently our city council had to consider ways to cut the budget 10%. I just wanted them to raise my taxes whatever amount was necessary to keep things going, and maintain the services we had. One of the things we lost was someone who taught people to play golf. I don't play golf. I don't want to learn to play golf. I don't even want to watch people play golf. But, I want people who do want to learn to be able to do so at a price they can afford.

The time spent by the city in preparing budgets and redoing things and going over them, and by organizations and agencies doing the same trying to prevent being cut, and by the community members and board members that were summoned to speak on behalf of one viewpoint or another, cost way more in lost productivity than the money we "saved."

I'm not saying we shouldn't ever question things. I firmly believe in questioning authority and everything else. My number two rule for living is "question everything." But at some point, when it's this sort of an increase, someone needs to exercise some common sense and do the most expedient thing, which was to raise taxes to address the short fall. We could have all paid an extra 27 cents and saved the weeks and weeks of fighting. I would have gladly paid the 27 cents for everyone on my block just to avoid ever hearing the phrase, "on the chopping block."

I'm not sure when we began to see all taxes as evil, instead of as a way to fund things we all benefit from. I'm not directly benefiting from the few dollars I have spent on the football stadium, but indirectly it is affecting me because it's having an impact on the community in which I live. Part of living in a community is pooling our resources so we can have the benefit of many people working together to achieve something.

It's kinda like a football team, really.
________________
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Making an Impact

I'm in a really introspective mood lately. Actually, I've been this way for quite some time now, and it doesn't show any signs of stopping. It doesn't seem a bad thing, really, but I can't say I've come to any earth-shattering conclusions about - well - anything. It's all an internal churning of thoughts.

I've lost interest in the "business of the world," for lack of a better term. The flu, the latest kidnap story, Michael Jackson's funeral - I just can't muster any interest in any of them - not that I would have ever said I had a lot.

Much of this is due, I believe, to the fact that I feel I cannot, in any way, affect these things. I barely give a passing glance to politics these days. Yes, I want a health care plan that is available regardless of your employer or pre-existing conditions or whatever. But can I affect that beyond the most basic of ways? I don't think so. I can vote. I can be vocal. But beyond that there's not much I can do. And, frankly, I can't be bothered to waste my time on things I can't impact.

So, the logical question would be, what can I impact? I suppose that is the million dollar question. And maybe that's what I'm trying to figure out with these mental gymnastics.

I can impact the people in my immediate world. I can be pleasant to people I'm crossing paths with, wherever I am. I can offer a little help here and there. Does it impact someone when I donate to kiva? Yes. But would it not happen if I weren't doing it? No. It would be happening anyway because someone else would be doing it. So, what can I really impact?

Looking at my history is one way to find some answers. What have I really had an impact on in life? What is different because I interacted with it in some way? Those are heady questions and worthy of some examination.
________________

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Writing

I had a lovely note this afternoon from my friend, Martha. She directed me to this article by Scott Ginsberg, otherwise known as the "Hello My Name is Scott" guy.

Martha mentioned that she thought the fact that I was a prolific writer influenced how I think about the world. It's always interesting to see yourself through other people's eyes. I have never thought of myself as a "prolific" writer. However, the logic in me (sparse though it may be!) understands why someone who writes every day would be considered "prolific."

I'm flattered by his references to saying, "I've written about that..." because I find myself saying that often. Matthew remarked once when I was so excited to find a note pad in a hotel room that I couldn't think without writing. To some degree he was correct about that.

Whenever I have something I need to think through I get out the pen and paper. If I have something that needs some creative thought I reach for paper. It is integral to the way I think. I'm fond of the "clustering" technique and use it regularly. As a matter of fact, I was using it today - perhaps as Martha was writing her note to me. Of course, anyone who has read here for any amount of time knows I often think "aloud" on the blog.

Martha's note today has caused me to consider how writing impacts my world view. I guess I've never thought of it as an option. Since I could write, it has been the way I experience the world around me. It's interesting how these things develop.

Obviously, there's much more to think about on this topic.
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Summer Passing Into Fall

It feels very fall-like here and I'm not ready. Of course, I whine about the heat when it's hot. But I feel like the summer has just evaporated while I was busy with other things. As my friend, Kyle, said the other day on facebook, "August, I hardly knew ye." I could say the same about June and July, not to mention April and May. Here we are with only hours left in August and it's just a blur.



With fall knocking I feel I haven't had a chance to enjoy the flowers and the tomatoes and the eggplant and the herbs. And soon they'll be gone, as mornings bring frost instead of the only part of the day that's cool enough to be outside and enjoy. Already the mornings are heavy with dew. I haven't had time to smell the roses, or pick the roses. Where or where do I find an extra 5-6 hours a day?



I think part of the reason summer seems to have gone so quickly is that we haven't had those hot, hot days this year. While I don't love those days, they do mark the summer like nothing else. This has been a very mild summer, which makes me fear January.

There are so many decisions I need to make that I've been putting off. So many things are piled up I'm immobilized and I'm just going to have to suck it up and get about things, one at a time. That's the only way things get done.

The passing seasons always remind me that life is short. This year has reminded me of that in numerous ways. I think it wise to heed that message.
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Pettiness

I have always had difficulty dealing with people's pettiness. Now, of course, we're all this way occasionally because something that's important to one person isn't to another.

What is most curious about this is why it affects me so much. I've always heard that the things that bug you most in other people are the things you dislike about yourself. So, I've been mulling this over today - just turning it over in the back of my mind - how petty am I about various things? If I were brave enough I'd ask friends, but so far I haven't zapped that email off into the ether.

Today I was on the sidelines of an exchange where one person was being very petty, or so it seemed to me. I watched the other person skillfully manage the situation by not getting upset or dragged into the mire.

There are lessons here to be learned. Not the least of which is that I need to be cautious of my own reactions to things. The irony is not lost on me of how petty it is that I'm upset by other people's pettiness. Life is strange, isn't it?
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Vision Collage Thoughts

Last year I went away with some friends to work on a vision collage. For close to a year, my collage was lying about, but not on the wall. This spring, I put it up on the wall where I see it from my desk. It's been there in the background for a few months.

Tonight I glanced up at it and two things jumped out at me. First was this "Fresh Start" segment. Obviously, I've had a fresh start in my life with a new job.

Then I glanced down at the lower right corner and spotted this "Escape the Ordinary" bit. In this job I'm surrounded by one of a kind artifacts. Nothing about it is ordinary.

Isn't it funny how life works sometime?

On this collage is a lot of jewelry and at the time I made it I remarked I'm not even that into jewelry. Just yesterday I bought some earrings and a necklace and thought, "Hmmm... I'm more into jewelry these days than I have been in a long time." I've always loved stars, and have some star jewelry. It's all the more appropriate now in this job.

I'll be curious to see what else happens related to the collage. Maybe that canopy bed is yet to come my way.
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Things Men Have Said to Me

This is a new series on the blog - "Things Men Have Said to Me." It should be called, "Things Men Have Said to Me that I Never Ever Ever in a Million Years Would Have Believed if I Hadn't Heard It with My Own Two Ears," but that's too wordy.

This week's entry is from a man who shall remain nameless because I don't want to cause any harm to his loved ones - not that I know any of his loved ones and can't imagine they would ever read this anyway. Nonetheless... just in case...

Here's the sordid tale:
A week or so ago, this man who I've met in passing a few times hits on me, and asks me out. He's a nice enough guy from what little I know. He can speak intelligently.  He's charming. But there's just a little something that makes me not say yes right away.

What's a girl to do?

Go directly to google, of course. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Google, girl, google. Go forth and google.

Within 90 seconds of sitting down at the keyboard I know he has a wife and kids. I'm looking at their freaking vacation photos. (Fishing and camping in Colorado, in case you're wondering. The little boy caught his first fish on this trip and had his photo taken with dad and the fish. I expected to see the ghost of Norman Rockwell peeking around a tree somewhere.) Somehow he had forgotten to mention that teensy-weensy little detail of the missus and youngun's.

Today I bump into him, and he asks me when we're getting together. I say what I think should be very clear, "I don't mess with other people's husbands or boyfriends."

Is that not clear? It seems clear to me - not open to interpretation - but I can tell from the look on his face that he's having trouble processing the words. He recovers quickly, however, and then says to me, with barely a half-beat missing: "Aw, come on... what's the big deal... why not?"

I say, "Because it's trashy. And  I'm a grown up. And grown ups don't go around willingly inflicting pain on their fellow humans. And it's trashy. And I would never be involved with a man who cheats - if he cheats with you he'll cheat on you. And it's trashy. Why would I want to be involved with a cheater? And it's trashy. You have a wife and kids you should be concerned with. And it's sleazy. Did I mention trashy?"

Okay, truthfully, I probably wasn't that eloquent. "Trashy" came up a number of times. I'm sure of that.

So, this entry in the "Things men have said to me" is "Aw, come on... what's the big deal... why not?"

I realize how this phrase could be applied to any number of things, but breaking vows to someone you've promised to 'love honor and cherish, forsaking all others,' doesn't seem like it would fall into this category of casualness.

Besides, I just don't do stupid. A man who hits on you two days after posting photos of his family's Colorado vacation on the world wide web is just too dumb to even talk to, much less anything else.

Our interaction is complete.

Alas, he will not have another opportunity to be featured in the "Things Men Have Said to Me" series.
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Summer's Bounty

I fixed tomato basil soup tonight with fresh goodies from the garden. Then I decided to go ahead and make some pesto, which is such a nice addition to it.

I've been so busy this summer I haven't gotten to fully enjoy everything from the garden. I've got more tomatoes than I can use. I've told both neighbors to pick them and Bob has been, which is nice. I'm really happy I can share with them.

A number of other people have mentioned they'd like to have some home grown tomatoes, but they're apparently unwilling to come and pick them. I guess they expect me to pick the tomatoes for them. They're going to be disappointed on that count. There's a point at which I draw the line and that is picking the tomatoes I've grown and watered in order to give them to you. Fortunately, Bob has been sharing with his family so we're kind of keeping up.

I used about 20 tonight in the soup. I just cook down tomatoes in a little water and then puree them. There's no milk added - it's just tomatoes, basil, garlic and a little sugar and salt to blend it all together.

I think this weekend I'm making more Asian stir-fry with the squash and Japanese eggplant I picked the other day. This weekend's menu will also include a tomato and fresh mozzarella salad with red and yellow tomatoes, drizzled with basil flavored olive oil. That's one of my summertime favorites.

I've got another eggplant that's coming along so maybe I'll have that next week.

People always say you can save so much money eating at home. I'm not sure what they're eating that is such a bargain. I went to the grocery tonight and spent $91 and it was just basics. I could eat at least 10 meals out for that, maybe more. But, if I'm going to the trouble to cook I want to eat really good stuff. I don't understand why you'd "cook" processed/boxed/pre-packaged stuff, but I realize I'm in the minority on this.

If more people were like me cake mixes would not exist, and obviously they're doing just fine in the marketplace. I just don't understand why a cake mix is any easier. I've got flour and sugar sitting on the counter and measuring cups at my elbow. It's just not a big struggle to put them into the same bowl I'd have to put the cake mix into to add the eggs and oil and water. But, again, I know I'm the odd one in this regard.

I'm not a fancy cook - very basic stuff. And, frankly, I really like to bake. Cooking "real" food isn't my favorite thing to do. But, there are a few things I really love to eat. Soon I'm going to be ready to put a roast in the crockpot with some veggies and let it cook all day while I'm at work.

I'm starting to get in the mood for fall. I was thinking today as I was hunting for a parking place in the shade, that I'm ready to need to wear a light jacket. I'm ready to come home and want to put on socks to run around the house in. If only I could have the garden in season and have that coziness of being snuggled into the house - the best of both worlds.

It's fortunate none of us gets to choose I suppose. We'll get some of everything and we'll just deal with whatever it is.

Christmas Loving Coworkers

It's 12:35 a.m. and I've been in pretty much constant motion since 6:41 this morning. I guess that's yesterday morning now. But, much was accomplished today and tonight.

My work days go fast these days. I seem to always have more to do than I have time to accomplish but much of it is interesting so the days zip by.

I discovered at work today that another of my coworkers loves Christmas. Maybe I've finally found my kind. Michele tells me she loves her tree and how it sparkles. Today Laurie mentioned she loves Christmas too. It will be so fun to be with another holiday lover.

Generally, I find myself surrounded by people who don't like the holidays much. Greg says it's for karmic balance - that I like them so much it's essential that I'm around people who don't. But, discovering that Laurie likes the holidays caused me to go hunt up last year's Christmas post. It put me in the holiday mood all over again. Yes, even though I can hear the hum of the air conditioner outside my home office window.

Before I head upstairs to bed I want to take this opportunity to tell you that if you're thinking you want to enjoy the holiday season this year and not be rushed, that you have 12 weekends between now and Thanksgiving. I'm just saying.

Now you won't have to be surprised when Christmas arrives on Dec. 25 this year.
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Poof! And Then There were Astronauts

Saturday afternoon three of the astronauts that flew the Space Shuttle Discovery on its maiden voyage in 1984 were here to celebrate the 25th anniversary. It was a hectic day, but very good.

It was well attended, which made me feel good about the publicity we did. We've been having great attendance at events. And I think everyone had a good time. They did a presentation and then signed autographs before doing a private reception for premium members. I was there to take pix at the reception and Chris kindly asked them to pose with me too.

Beside me is Charlie Walker, payload specialist on that flight; then Hank Hartsfield who was the Commander; and Steve Hawley, a mission specialist. Hawley is from Kansas, and now teaches at the University of Kansas.

I didn't get a chance to visit with any of them except Charlie Walker and he was a real delight. I was sorry I didn't get to meet his wife who also seemed wonderful, but she was busy visiting and I didn't want to interrupt.

It was a nice afternoon, and I think everyone who interacted with them came away feeling great about it. KAKE did a really nice piece about the event on their 10 o'clock news last night.

Today I've been trying to motivate myself to work on things around the house. I've made some progress, but not as much as I had hoped. Next weekend we're doing the Wichita Air Show so I won't get much done then, either. It's starting to get pretty bad in here.

But, this afternoon Mark called. He was driving back to Kansas City after a vacation in Colorado with Carl and Kris and asked if I'd like to meet him in Salina for food. So, Greg and I drove up there and met him. Our timing was perfect. We say him walking in from his car as we were pulling into the parking lot.

That was my third trip to Salina in a week. I was there last weekend for Kansas Dialogue, then on Wednesday to do a social networking training for one of the Sampler Foundation's groups, and then again today to meet Mark. Fortunately, it's only an hour's drive away.
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Cosmosphere's Starry Night Party

Friday night was the Cosmosphere's Starry Night party. It was a really cool event. I can say that because it wasn't my idea - it was well underway before I ever showed up on the scene.

We started at 5:30 and it went until midnight - past the 10:30 stated time. We had kid's activities of various sorts, speakers, rocket demonstrations and star gazing. I've heard nothing but wonderful comments about it.

My main job once things were underway was to take photos to capture the event. I hadn't even touched the Cosmosphere's camera before Friday, but fortunately, I got some decent ones.

My favorite is these kids watching them make liquid oxygen ice cream. I particularly love the photo below, which is just a crop of this little boy who is experiencing pure joy.



You may notice he has an alien guy tattoo on his arm. I had one on my hand, too. We were doing these temporary tattoos and I experimented on myself to see how they worked. While I was trying to read the instructions and figure it out, a kid - about nine years old - came by and told me I was doing it wrong and gave me advice.



Thank goodness, YP volunteers were there to do them for the kids since, obviously, my skills in this regard were lacking.

I was eventually successful in my experiment, and sported a glow in the dark alien all night long. When I brushed my teeth last night I thought... hmmm... I better scrub this off. When I went to bed I reached over to get something and thought, "what is that light?" I had missed one little sliver of glow in the dark and my hand was giving off a green glow. All I could do was chuckle.

Martin Ratcliffe, a contributing editor to Astronomy magazine spoke to the crowd about what they could see in the night sky.



Kids could build and launch air rockets. That was a popular spot.



There were also rocket demonstrations. There must have been 60 kids running after the rockets as they were setting them off.



Volunteers brought out tons of different kinds of telescopes and let people look through them at various things. It was a great time to see Jupiter.



Some of these were beyond what I think of when I hear "telescope."



All in all a very cool event. Although, I have to say, I've become convinced that it's hard to beat the sheer entertainment value of liquid oxygen ice cream.



And then you get to eat it too.



________________

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Feeling More Myself

I'm feeling more myself these days. Unfortunately, that means feeling sad at times. I think I'm finally processing some of the losses of the last few months.

Life has its up and downs. Goodness knows I've been the recipient of much grace, not only this year, but throughout my life. Grace comes in many forms - from the kindness of friends who fill your freezer with food when you have surgery to the whisper of a grieving wife asking you to be involved in the spreading of a loved one's ashes.

I need to find some time for quiet. I need to write and paint and think. I need to experience. I need to go away for a few days and devote myself to those pursuits, allowing myself to feel however I feel. It's hard to hear the quiet for the din of daily living.
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Walking Into Peace

This labyrinth is part of the Messiah Lutheran Church in Lindsborg. I've become a devotee of walking labyrinths. The idea is that you enter and walk the path that twists and turns, using the time for prayer or meditation.

I didn't know this was in Lindsborg until a few weeks ago when I went to see Ellen Goodman speak. I happened to park in this area and saw the labyrinth, but didn't have time to walk it then. Sunday when I was coming home from Kansas Dialogue I decided to detour through there and walk it.

I find the repetitive nature of following the path in a labyrinth to clear the mind. That's a huge deal for me because quieting my mind is difficult. A doctor said to me a long time ago that he thought my difficulties with sleep could all be traced to how my brain works, and that it has to let go of thoughts when I'm trying to go to sleep.

At any given moment I have dozens of thoughts going on. Each is traveling along its own path - kind of like spokes on a wheel - but all simultaneously. When I think of something in that line of thought that requires my attention I bring it to the front of my mind and have to keep reminding myself of it. That's why I make notes. Only once it's on a note can I let that thought process continue logically, along it's path, to its natural conclusion. Keeping that thought uppermost in my mind is exhausting. Once it's written down I can just let it go.

It has been too long since I walked a labyrinth. I just walked this one into the center and back out again. It was enough time to clear a few cobwebs, but not sufficient time to really find a peaceful place in my brain.

It seems there are so many things to think about every day. And some of them are falling by the wayside every day. I need some time to quiet my mind, to find some peace. Walking into it is one way to get there.
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Fun Day Ahead

I'm looking forward to the day. I'm headed to Salina for a consulting job with The Sampler Foundation, teaching people from Rural Kansas to use social networking. Marci and WenDee are doing something innovative - not that that's anything new for them - and teaching people how to share their communities with the world through these new tools.

I've done a couple of these trainings already, and we're refining it every time. We've already had a success story of a group from India coming to Kansas as a result of a blog and Facebook. Very exciting!

If I get a chance, I'll post some twitpix from the phone today. Check the twitter or facebook feed for those. It should be a fun day. It's thrilling to see people realize what they can do with these free services at their fingertips, and then see it in action.
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I Want A Barn

I want a barn.

For the past few years I've been harboring this fantasy of having a barn. Why? Well, think of all the cool things you can do with a barn. It's a place to store things, you can stand inside with the doors open in a storm and watch the rain while you feel the breeze, and you can run your hands over the weathered wood and appreciate the years represented there.

Now, of course, in my barn fantasy there is no dirt, no leaking roof, no mice, no snakes, and no bugs. And there is certainly no livestock, and no poop. There are also no other unsavory critters like possums or skunks in this idyllic fantasy. I offer that non-exhaustive list only because my previous experience with barns has always involved one or more of those.

Barns must be wood. I simply won't accept any other material fashioned into a rectangular shape as a barn. It won't do. No. Absolutely not. It must be a wood barn. Preferably old wood. With character.

I'd also like my barn sitting out behind my Queen Anne style Victorian home - completely restored, of course, thank you - and with nary a need of upkeep on the horizon. I'm not sure where these lovely structures reside, but I know they're frequented by friends and loved ones as we live happy, content, healthy lives. Thank goodness there's a gardener to take care of all the land because I don't even like to mow my little yard now.

Truth be told, I don't need a barn. But I want a barn. I don't have a single thing I need to keep in a barn. But I would find something, no doubt. When you have a barn you probably have things they go in a barn.

Sunday afternoon I was taking a drive and ran across this barn. I don't know the owners, but that's a cool barn. Very cool.

I like to engage in these flights of fancy on occasion. It's refreshing to think about the person you would be if you lived in a restored, rambling, ornate, yellow Queen Anne house with a big old barn out behind it.
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Acceptance

Sometimes there are things you know in your being, but that you try to deny because they're unpleasant. But, there comes a time when you have to bring them into your consciousness and begin to deal with them.

Tonight I'm wrestling with one of those. It's painful. But I've got to accept it.

Earlier this year when I was diagnosed with an ovarian tumor and there was a chance it would take my life, I noticed some people began to distance themselves from me. It was subtle at first, almost imperceptible, but there. I noticed. I'm not sure they did, but I did.

In the weeks between diagnosis and surgery, the tension grew, and so did the distance. Just a tiny bit here and a tiny bit there.

After surgery there was much rejoicing and happiness that it was benign and life - at least mine - would go on. I am so very grateful for the outcome, but once you've been down that road there's no going back. You're a person who was in real danger of dying. And people in your world know that they were close to having to grieve you. It's a thought many just aren't comfortable with, even though logically this is true for all of us all of the time.

So, they drift. They see you less. They talk to you less. They get some distance. It's a defense mechanism, and I get that. It's their way of saying, "Oh my gosh, this person could have died. What would my life be like without this person? Wow, I better change my life so this person isn't as much a part of it." I understand that. I really do.

I'm tainted goods now. The tumor made real the issue that people in our lives can suffer and die. It's scary and people don't want any part of it. So, they move away from you, finding other people and things and places to fill the space, so just in case you do die their lives aren't affected so much. I get it. I really, really, really get it, but it hurts nonetheless.

Unfortunately, all I can do is accept it. So, tonight, I will begin searching for a place in my soul to tuck away these losses, too.

Brain out of sync

I love hearing what people have to say at Kansas Dialogue. Very smart people. But I'm consantly reminded that the way my brain works is very out sync with the rest of the world.

Blogging will be brief this weekend. I'm at Kansas Dialogue and my laptop seems to be dying an ugly death. I'm hoping to resurrect it when I have a chance to work on it. But I'm blogging only from the phone so there won't be much for the obvious reasoms.