Broken Bits

Anyone who has been on the planet for more than a few years, and done any amount of living, has accumulated some of what I call the "broken bits." You've got a few ex-lovers, a few former careers and a few moments you're not too proud of.

I have more than a few of those moments. Harder than owning up to them, is accepting that I could have done better if I had only chosen differently. But, I didn't. A different decision seems so obvious in retrospect, but it's too late then. There are no do-overs. No mulligans. So, I just have to gather up the broken bits and put myself back together again, all the while hoping it's just myself I've broken and no one else.

But, how often is that really the case? There's always collateral damage to those in our worlds. People we love, that we'd never want to hurt, seem to get the worst of it because they're nearby. And the ones who truly love us barely flinch. Instead they gather 'round to help us find all the broken bits, right there in the fall-out zone.

It would be so easy for me to rewrite history. I'm a creative sort. I could craft something far more flattering than reality. But, it wouldn't accomplish much. It's easy to lie to other people, but it's much harder to make yourself believe it. The truth is always there, staring you in the face. You can't put the broken bits back together when they don't fit, and they never fit without the framework of truth.

So, while we might entertain some fanciful thoughts of how things should have gone, we have to accept how they really went. Then we can dull the sharp edges so the broken bits aren't quite so dangerous, arrange them in a colorful pattern and eventually cement them all together again into a new design.

That's what we call growth. The new person we are - that new design - can be beautiful, but it never masks the process. And that's not always pretty.

Temperate Days

The weather has been so pleasant lately. It has been nice to get out in the sunshine a little bit. I was at Dillon Nature Center the other day and noticed humans are not the only critters enjoying the temperate days.

Soothing the Insula to Control Addictions

The insula is part of your brain. More specifically, it's part of the cerebral cortex and it seems to be involved in lots of activities, particularly addicitons.

If you've ever craved ice cream, you can thank the insula. If you've ever debated a big purchase, the insula was involved. When you've reached for a cigarette, a line of cocaine or a Corona it was the insula that created the craving that just couldn't be set aside.

One of the things discussed in the mental health field is the "delay between discovery and delivery." Research nets many facts that are not put into practical application for many years, if ever. The insula is a prime example of this.

Science understands the insistence of the insula, and some ways to soothe it, but does not deliver this in a form that can be used by individuals. Instead doctors tell people to go on diets, which fail 95% of the time; give people patches to stop smoking; and send people to 12-step programs for drug addicitions, which have a success rate, but are certainly not trouble-free.

To me, a simple lay person, with no medical training, it would make more sense to treat the issue at its source - the insula. But, is medical science using this knowledge? No, not really. You know who is? Costco.

Apparently, Costco might be better positioned to deal with your addiction to food, drugs or other substances than your doctor. Why? Because they're willing to actually use the information we have.

I don't really need to say anymore about this, do I? I didn't think so.

Catching Up

Brian Lingle took this photo of me Saturday at the writer's workshop. It's nice to have a photo of myself at something like this. It's pretty rare - I'm usually taking the photos. Annette and Brian both took photos at this, which is nice.

I'm preparing for the Bethel College Fall Festival Art Show this weekend. Always so much stuff to take. Of course, you're basically creating a store out of nothing so it's understandable. Pam is generously letting me borrow her tent again. I have the best friends!

I mentioned I would share my memoir piece and I'm going to do that as soon as I have a chance to do some last minute edits on it.

This is going to be a frantically busy week, but I hope to get it done soon.

The Weekend

This weekend I met two people I hope I'll stay in touch with for a long time. I connected with a couple of other people I hope will be more present in my life. We'll see what the future brings.

Memoir Writing Compared to Novels and Autobiography

I've spent the day in an intense memoir writing workshop with Lisa Dale Norton. It started last night, and will finish Sunday afternoon.

Today began with a discussion about the difference between novel and memoir. One of the obvious ones is that in a novel the first person narrator doesn't know the outcome. In memoir they do, and the reader is aware of it. This means we have a different expectation.

Then the difference between autobiography and memoir was discussed. Autobiography is a chronological exploration of your entiere life. It doesn't have to have a dramatic arc. By contrast, a memoir is a slice of life, maybe with some backstory, but it's not your whole life. You could write more than one memoir.

Lisa Dale Norton said, "Memoir is not therapy. It's a work of art." She said the process of writing can affect how you view the events, but "you really need to just tell your truth." And you need to tell the truth with as little damage as possible to other people you interacted with. She referred to it as a place of "supreme compassion."

She reminded people, "You have the right to your reality." Of course it's common for people who are experiencing the same event to have different perspectives on it.

We did some writing exercises from her book, "Shimmering Images." Our homework is to prepare something to share tomorrow. I'd best get started on that.

It has been a really wonderful, inspiring day. I've met a couple of people I hope I stay in touch with for a long time.

Lisa Dale Norton Workshop

This weekend I'm attending a memoir writing workshop with Lisa Dale Norton. Tonight was the opening session and it was essentially a "getting to know you" opportunity. There were about 20 people there, including numerous English teachers.

Everyone introduced themselves and talked a little bit about what they're working on. I'm never quite sure what to say in those situations. Generally people talk about what they do for a living, or what they used to do for a living. That's just not the most interesting thing about me - even though I have a job that leads to some really cool situations. But, I'm not sure there's anything I can say in a brief introduction that is at all interesting to someone who doesn't know me.

All of this leads me to believe that memoir might not be my forte.

As usual I was taking notes. I gathered some thought-provoking quotes from Lisa Dale Norton I'll be mulling over. I thought I'd share some of those with you, in no particular order.

"Writing has a way of beckoning more stories."
"Lots of our stories rise out of grieving."
"'Excellent craft' and 'market' - two different worlds."
"Memoir is the application of structure."
"There are people who come with great gifts."
"The rude truth about the publishing industry is finding where you fit on the bookstore shelves."
"The creative mind is very smart."
"Everyone's experience is different, but true."
"We're fiction making machines."
"Winnowing is an act of creation."
"Memoir has to have structure. It needs a sense of completion."
"This is about how to take the narrative form and apply it to your life."
"If you want readers, you need story."

Warm Mug Equal Warm Feelings

Did you know that holding a cup of something hot increases your feelings of well-being? I'm surprised the coffee industry hasn't been using this in advertising.

A study at Yale found people who held warm mugs had warm feelings.

I just read about it, and other similar ways to increase happiness, on Shine at Yahoo.

Getting to know you

My friend, Martha, posted a link to Scott Ginsberg's blog on how to get to know someone. You can read it here: http://www.hellomynameisblog.com/2010/09/how-to-get-to-know-somebody.html.

As you know, I'm continually interested in how we form meaningful relationships with people. I'm considering if I know the answers to even a few of those questions about very many people in my world. It's a good exercise.

Beyond that, I'm wondering how many people would answer even half of those questions.

Routine

For a very long time, I have eschewed routine. The idea of grocery shopping on Tuesday and doing laundry on Friday has had no appeal whatsoever. Who wants their lives to be that predictable?

The other day I had one of those flashes of insight that pops into your brain out of nowhere. The flash was that routine means you have to think less about these mundane household chores. This appeals to me tremendously.

Perhaps there's wisdom in this approach to not having to think about every little detail. Maybe this is why generations of women have kept a grocery list on the fridge where they added things to it as it occurred to them. I at least have a pad of paper with a magnet attached to the fridge.

Perhaps routine is the old-fashioned automation.

World Habitat Day on Monday

Habitat for Humanity will join efforts around the world to mark World Habitat Day on Monday, October 4. World Habitat Day is a day the United Nations has set aside to call attention to the dire need for affordable, adequate housing.

When you go home to your nice, climate-controlled house today, think about some of these facts:

Housing improves health

• The number of low-income families who lack safe and affordable housing is related to the number of children who suffer from asthma, viral infections, anemia, stunted growth and other health problems.
  
• About 21,000 children have stunted growth attributable to the lack of stable housing; 10,000 children between the ages of 4 and 9 are hospitalized for asthma attacks each year because of cockroach infestation at home; and more than 180 children die each year in house fires attributable to faulty heating and electrical equipment. (Sandel, et al: 1999)
  
• Children younger than 5 living in Habitat for Humanity houses in Malawi showed a 44 percent reduction in malaria, respiratory or gastrointestinal diseases compared with children living in traditional houses.
  
• Children in poor housing have increased risk of viral or bacterial infections and a greater chance of suffering mental health and behavioral problems. (Harker: 2006)
  
• Housing deprivation leads to an average of 25 percent greater risk of disability or severe ill health across a person’s life span. Those who suffer housing deprivation as children are more likely to suffer ill health in adulthood, even if they live in non-deprived conditions later in life. (Marsh, et al.: 2000)
  

Housing has a positive impact on children

• Children of homeowners are more likely to stay in school (by 7 to 9 percent), and daughters of homeowners are less likely to have children by age 18 (by 2 to 4 percent). (Green and White: 1996)
  
• Owning a home leads to a higher-quality home environment, improved test scores in children (9 percent in math and 7 percent in reading), and reduced behavioral problems (by 3 percent). (Haurin, Parcel, and Haurin: 2002)
  
• Children who live in poor housing have lower educational attainment and a greater likelihood of being impoverished and unemployed as adults. (Harker: 2006)

Housing strengthens communities

• Homeowners are more likely to know their U.S. representative (by 10 percent) and school board head by name (by 9 percent), and are more likely to vote in local elections (by 15 percent) and work to solve local problems (by 6 percent). (DiPasquale and Glaeser: 1998)
  
• Homeowners are more likely to be satisfied with their homes and neighborhoods, and are more likely to volunteer in civic and political activities. (Rohe, Van Zandt, and McCarthy: 2000)
  
• Resident ownership is strongly related to better building security and quality, and to lower levels of crime. (Saegert and Winkel: 1998)

Read more at: http://worldhabitatdaynews.org

Astronauts Scott Parazynski and Jeff Ashby at the Dillon Lecture Series at Hutchinson Community College

Astronauts Scott Parazynski (light shirt) and Jeff Ashby (dark shirt) spoke at the Dillon Lecture Series at Hutchinson Community College Monday morning. They bantered back and forth both at the lecture and at the luncheon afterwards. It was very fun to watch. They are both astronauts and adventureres. Parazynski is a medical doctor and Ashby is a former Navy fighter pilot.

The speech was largely about Parazynski's climb to the summit of Mount Everest, the highest point on the planet. Ashby went to base camp, but did not climb to the summit. Parazynski tried it in 2008 but had to turn back near the end of the journey due to a back injury. He went back in 2009 and was successful. Each attempt takes about two months total time.

Parazynski has climbed all 59 of the Colorado mountains over 14,000 feet, as well as many others. He and Ashby, a Kansas native, flew on one shuttle mission together, STS-100. On that mission, Ashby was trained to be doctor to Parazynski in case he had need of medical care. Parazynski joked, "I've never been more motivated to stay healthy." He said Ashby took the surgeon's motto, "A chance to cut is a chance to cure," a bit too seriously.



At the lecture they introduced each other and Ashby told a really funny story. He said he was invited to speak to a fourth grade class and the students were supposed to write an essay beforehand on the topic of, "How do you think you will be inspired by Captain Jeff Ashby?" A young man named Tony wrote, "I probably will not be inspired by Captain Jeff Ashby because my hero is Dr. Scott Parazynski." He went on to say that Parazynski had saved the space shuttle.

He was referring to a repair Parazynski made to the solar array on the shuttle. It has been referred to as the shuttle era's Apollo 13 moment. When a tear occurred they had to brainstorm ideas of how to repair it. Parazynski said, "You can't go down to Home Depot and get a Solar Array Repair Kit."



Ashby took a copy of that letter with him in 2008 when he hiked up to the Everest base camp, a 36 mile hike, where Parazynski was before attempting the summit. Ashby showed a photo of him crossing the first large bridge and said, "I noticed the higher and scarier the bridge, the more prayer flags hanging on it."

At the luncheon, someone wondered what had happened to the fourth grader, Tony, and Ashby moved to the microphone and quipped in a totally deadpan way, "I believe he's in jail now."

Both of them performed space walks and Parazynski referred it as the "ultimate astronaut experience." He said you're in your own individual space craft with, "only a thin visor between you and the infiniteness of the universe."



Ashby talked about gaining perspective through his climbing and space travel. "We seek the high ground for a different perspective. We can see what's above us and where we came from. This is important to those of us who climb."

Parazynski talked about the difficulties of the Everest expeditions. "Everything travels on the back of a yak or the back of a person," he said. But it was awe-inspiring to be there. "I'd seen pictures, but to see it with the naked eye... was amazing." He also loved the people saying, "They're amazing, very spiritual, and live life to the fullest, even though the life is simple. It's very uplifting just to be in their presence." He paused for a moment and said, "It would change you if you get a chance to visit."

When he made it to the summit, he got to spend, "thirty minutes on top of the world." He said the summit is about as big as a dining room table, and two or three people can sit there at a time. He took a NASA prayer flag commemorating those who have died in the space program. He also took a sample of moon rock from Apollo 11, and brought a sample from Everest. The two are side by side on the International Space Station now.



They both talked about how one day man will summit peaks on the moon. Parazynski pondered, "What other challenges are there in our solar system," saying, "It's human nature to challenge oneself."

Ashby spoke about the famous Everest explorer, Mallory, and said, "In 1921 he dreamed about climbing a mountain he'd never seen. I think there are humans among us who will be called to explore." Parazynski said he believes we all have an internal knowledge that we must explore for our species to survive.

Ashby said he has learned to always think about if he's seeing everything there is to see in a situation, and to consider the mindset he's approaching it with.

Asked to give advice to young people, Parazynski said, "The language of the future is going to be in science and technology." He went on to say, "It's important to have big dreams, but stay the course. Anything in life you have to work for. It's not going to be handed to you. Hold onto the dreams you have but be willing to work hard for them. If it's not of sufficient interest for you to do really well then don't do it."

Parazynski summed up space travel early in the day. "You can't achieve greatness if you're unwilling to accept risk."

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I've been enjoying Scott Parazynski's blog for awhile. You might too.

140conf coming to Hutchinson Kansas

Hutchinson, where I live, will host the 140conf on November 1. This is a conference that explores how real-time media, like Facebook and Twitter, have changed our world.

The 140 Character Conference is a really big deal, and this is the first one that will be held in a smaller town. Hutchinson is in the company of London, Paris, San Francisco and New York.

I applied to speak, and received word a couple of days ago that my topic was selected to be part of the schedule. My topic is, "Twitter is Today's Civic Club." I haven't actually written that speech yet, but I will in the next few weeks. I've read various things over the years that have led me to this conclusion. Now, I just need to retrace and make notes, which shouldn't be that difficult.

If you're anywhere near Hutchinson, do make an effort to attend. You can get a discount off the ticket price by going to http://140.vg/smalltown140disc. If you're a student, you can attend for free.

It should be a fascinating experience. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm always saying I want new thought coming into my world and here it is. Delivered on a silver platter. If I'd suggested it would come to my little town the same it came to Tel Aviv and Los Angeles would you have believed me? Would I have believed me? Nonetheless, here it is!

Productive Weekend

It has been a very productive weekend for me. I haven't seen anyone other than Greg all weekend. I gave up my usual Saturday routine, as well as attending some special events happening in town, to stay home and work on things. I have a freelance writing job that just came to me out of the blue, and I wanted to get it mostly wrapped up this weekend.

I worked around the house all day Saturday, going out that evening to meet Greg for dinner. I had wanted to go to the chili festival, the Prairie Book Festival and the KEC barbecue, but knew attending any one of those would mean I would stay and visit with people when I should be working, so I just didn't let myself go. Today I've done much the same thing - worked on projects all day, trying to get things done.

I feel so isolated sometimes. I go to work and come home and work on various freelance jobs - either doing them or looking for them. But, I don't know what else to do. I need the extra money from all those jobs to pay off medical bills, and if I slack off looking for them, or doing them, my income suffers down the road. So, for the immediate future this is my life. Some days my brain is exhausted, and my body feels worn out, but I have to keep doing it regardless. And, I remind myself, that I'm very fortunate I'm able to do it and that I have skills I can market.

Although I'm really, really sad about it, I've decided I just can't have a big Christmas, with all my decorations, this year. It takes a lot of time to do the decorating, and that's time I could be generating more income. So, I just can't do it. That will be two years without my big tree, which I love so very much. But, I have to focus on making extra money instead. It will be a real loss for me, but there are far bigger problems in the world.

I wish I could have everything, but there is a limit to how many things I can do in a day. I know it probably seems insane to people, but I love having my house decorated in every corner for Christmas. It makes me very, very happy to have everything so pretty and sparkly. But, it's just not meant to be this year. Thankfully, this year it's a choice I'm making and not one being thrust upon me.

I wish I had a different answer, but I need the money, and to make the money I have to have the time, and to have the time I have to give up other things I would spend the time on. One thing we can't ever get more of is time. I'm always mindful of spending my time wisely, and I hate to be spending it on thinking about making extra money. But, I just have to right now. I have no uncles left, so I'm certain I don't have any rich ones that are going to gift me with a small fortune!

I feel so out of touch with people. When I do allow myself time to be with friends it's so restorative, but it has to happen pretty easily or it just can't happen. I'll happily give up sleep, and make time to be with people, but I don't have the extra time to try and arrange lunches and gatherings like I have for the longest time. So, unless someone is seeking being with me, it just doesn't happen. I'm so thankful that Trish and Greg both suggest getting together regularly.

I miss people I used to see often for lunch, but since they make no effort to connect with me it's safe to assume that loss is one-sided. I suppose that's useful information to have, but it's not pleasant nonetheless. But, it just is what it is.

Ultimately, while I might want to spend a lot of quality time with friends, and have my extravagant Christmas decorations, and more time to write on my novel, journal, and paint for fun - it doesn't really matter. We all have to do what we have to do. And what I have to do is make extra money. So, there you go. I'm so weary of thinking about this all the time, and not having the time/energy to bring new things into my world, but it's what I have to do right now. So, I can be sad about that, or be thankful I'm making progress. I'm going with the latter.

Maybe tomorrow will bring a big job that solves some of these issues. Regardless, I'm going on my 19th hour of working on projects and I'm falling asleep in my chair so it's time to get some rest. In just five hours it will be time to be getting ready for work. I'm blessed to have a job I really like. Very fortunate.

Garden Ornament

The other day I was in a garden and spotted this. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm pretty certain it didn't start life as a garden ornament. I love creative thinking!

Happy to inform you...

This is how you want any letter from any medical entity to start: "We are happy to inform you..."

The letter that my mammogram was fine arrived yesterday. I was impressed that someone had put some thought into how they phrased it so that three words in you knew the news was good. Very nice.

Labyrinth

I walked a labyrinth today. There's something so incredibly peaceful about that process. It's methodical and meditative. It's a time for clearing of the mind.

It's rather ironic that many of us clear our homes, but not our minds.

This is a small labyrinth, and one of the most beautifully landscaped I've ever seen. It's tucked into a little garden. Everything is very compact, but it's good.

It made me think about having a labyrinth in my own backyard. But, considering I can't even keep my lawn mowed well, I don't think I need to be thinking about things like labyrinths.

As much as I love nature, at some point I'm just going to have to accept that nature doesn't like me. Nature wants to bite me. So, all summer long I must protect myself from it instead of being out enjoying it. With fall's arrival I can once again venture outdoors.

Quote of the Day

Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.
-Schopenhauer

State Fair Has Come and Gone

The Kansas State Fair has come and gone for another year. I took this photo one night in the food court. Doesn't that just say "State Fair?"

I had such an incredible time at two different shows this year. Greg, Mia, Jan and I went to see Terry Fator. I've wanted to see him since he won America's Got Talent. He was amazing.

Greg took these photos of him.



Greg had gotten front row seats and it was unbelieveable.



I was so entralled I kept forgetting to take photos.



Although I did manage to get photos of a couple of his usual bits, including the Sonny and Cher and Michael Jackson ones.





He did a couple of songs on his own and joked that people were often surprised that he could sing.



That was Monday. The very next night Sharon, Greg, Mia and I went to see the Oak Ridge Boys, who were also wonderful.


For the last few months, since seeing Frank Warren of PostSecret, my standard comment whenever anyone has been to any entertainment event has been, "That's nice... I'm sorry it's not as cool as Frank Warren handing you a book." These were that cool, even though no one gave me a book.

Seven Years

Experts now know there is something to the idea of the "Seven Year Itch" when it comes to relationships. Fortunately, this hasn't affected our Creative Sisterhood Group.

Hard to believe it was seven years ago that I asked some friends to come together to form Creative Sisterhood. We've met almost every month since then, and shared some really meaningful moments together.

I had a small gift for everyone tonight to commemorate the occasion. It was just a small piece of art centered around a word I thought important for each of them.

It was a great, great night of conversation. I'm so thankful for this group.

Creative Sisterhood Anniversary

Six years ago this month - or has it been seven - I emailed a few friends and asked if they'd like to come together every month to share with each other. My original thought for what I dubbed, "Creative Sisterhood," was that we would make things together.

But, very quickly, it morphed into something different, something better.

Over the years we've shared some amazing times together. We've supported each other through deaths, marriages, job changes and more. Relationships have started and ended in that time. Through it all we've kept meeting every month, sharing our thoughts, our dreams, our selves.



It has been a really important part of my life. The mix of people was right. When forming a group there's an art to who you invite. You want people who are similar enough the group can "gel" but with some differences that will add enough spice to keep it going.

I tried to form another group, which didn't work. I knew it included a lot of really divergent personalities and that it would have been amazing if it worked out, but it just never came together as a group. But, I learned some really important things in the process.

For this sort of a group to work, I think:
*it has to have a "home" - hopefully someone's actual home, but definitely a place where it can become a group, a place it can call home
*everyone has to commit to the group - you can't have people who are showing up only very occasionally - groups can't become groups that way - and it's not fair to the other members - the "group" deserves being respected enough by all members for them to be present and engaged - obviously, situations will present on occasion when it's unavoidable for someone to miss and that's understandable
*people must share themselves - unless people share their real thoughts and feelings the group can't ever become a group - people are want to hide behind stories of their families, jobs and other "acceptable" fronts - a group will never develop a personality of its own if the people who are in it are not present
*although it seems like a minor thing, sharing food together bonds people - there's something about breaking bread together - or cookies, as the case may be
*having some rituals for the group help define it - they will develop naturally if you're on the look out for them
*someone has to take the responsibility for the group - as much as we'd like to believe such things just happen, they don't - someone has to take responsibility for it
*it's good to take a moment occasionally to assess if the group is fulfilling a need in the lives of its members

In my original email, I used this quote to sum up that I was looking to share some of the journey with others.

We are all wanderers on this earth.
Our hearts are full of wonder,
and our souls are deep with dreams.
-Gypsy proverb

I'm wanting more interaction that's meaningful, like Creative Sisterhood is. I've been thinking about trying to gather some folks for another group. Of course, it would not be the same, and a different group would create something different, but it could be womenderful. I keep mulling over the list of people I know who might be open to such a thing. We'll see what develops.

Quote of the Day

I have got to make everything
that has happened to me
good for me.

Oscar Wilde

Kansas Governor Mark Parkinson's Hobby is Thinking

Kansas Governor Mark Parkinson spoke at the Dillon Lecture Series this morning. He said during the presentation that his hobby is thinking. I found that fascinating. I guess that's one of my hobbies, too.

His speech today had an overall theme of, "Strength is our diversity."

He shared a number of population graphs that illustrated the "bulge" of the baby boomers. His last one was showing that in 2050, the largest population segment - that bulge - will be women over 85.

He noted that people over 65 spend less on everything, except healthcare. They buy fewer houses, cars, clothes, and everything else. So, having this be the largest population segment is difficult for the economy.

To maintain a stable population, women must average 2.1 children. Governor Parkinson says what will save the US economy is legal immigration. That will keep the population growing in the segments that are consumers.

He said instead of the oft-mentioned China and India, "the best emerging market is right here in the U.S." The trick is that we must make sure these immigrants have access to education so they will have jobs that lead them to be consumers.

He reminded the audience that, "We are all a product of people who, against great odds, came to this country."

Parkinson mentioned Papiamento, a language spoken in Curacao, that is a mix of English, Dutch and Spanish, as a metaphor for the population blending.

At the luncheon afterwards he was asked about many things, one of which was the federal deficit. He said four things are necessary, but no politician could get elected saying them. But, he said, "The public will have to elect people who will do those things."
1. raise social security age to 70 for people under 45
2. a means test for social security - so if you're wealthy you're not getting it
3. have to control health care costs
4. federal government do things it's good at and leave other things to the states

Parkinson is not running for office, so he can say whatever he wants.. He is going to a job in Washington DC as the executive director of an association for nursing homes.

I wish he were running. Having someone in office who's hobby is thinking seems like a good thing to me.

Yes, you should... Today

Ladies - do you recognize this machine? If you don't you're overdue for a mammogram. I had one today. If you're due for one get it done. Right away.

To answer the unasked question - all is fine with me. This was just a regular checkup.

You should have one too. Please.

Come Home To

A couple of years ago Rebecca Ryan spoke at the annual chamber meeting in Hutchinson. While here she posed a question I'm still pondering - "What do you long to come home to?"

It seems like it should be an incredibly simple question to answer - what do you want "home" to be like. "Home" could mean a dwelling, a town, or a state of mind I suppose. What do you want to come home to?

I think what I want to come home to is "ease." I realize that compared to most of the world I have an incredibly easy life. I'm aware of this. I also know that to some people I have a life they would never want to live - full of difficulties they can't imagine, because they have always lived a life of ease. The trite, "it's all perspective," always rings true.

When I say "ease" I'm thinking about being at ease, not being focused on what has to happen next, not thinking about cleaning the house or planning the meeting or whatever else is on the agenda for me. I was trying to think of a time when I've been totally at ease. I'm not sure that's a state I've ever experienced. There has always been something that required my attention or time. There has always been a project I needed to work on. There has always been a worry looming - about time or money or relationship.

What would I do with "ease?" I guess that is a bigger question. It means, for me, an opportunity to choose the things that require my attention, and not have them thrust upon me. Of course, we can't choose everything in life, but it would be lovely to choose the projects I give time to, to read and write and paint, and to have time to actually relax.

When I hear people talk about relaxing I can barely relate. It's not something I do much of. That's by choice a large part of the time, because I want to be creating, but I would like to have the option to relax.

People often harken back to childhood as a time of ease. My childhood wasn't like that. It was certainly wonderful in many ways, but it was not carefree. Not at all. It was filled with worry about various things going on around me, over which I had no control.

I remember thinking from the time I was very young that it would be good to be an adult and be able to make my own choices and decisions. Goodness knows I've made some bad ones, but I've also made some that, through the kindness of others, turned out quite well. And I'm thankful.

To be able to think about questions like what you long to come home to is a luxury afforded few in the world. I'm still thinking about it.

What is it you long to come home to?

Oak Ridge Boys at Kansas State Fair

We went to see the Oak Ridge Boys at the Kansas State Fair tonight. They were amazing.

I saw them years ago in Kentucky when I was in college. I was with a boy I had a huge crush on. Alas, he didn't seem to feel the same way about me. But it was a great concert regardless.

Tonight we had front row seats, courtesy of Greg. He is the ultimate concert ticket hunter! Thank you, Greg!

Freedom or Peace

Do you want freedom or peace?

I know, we all want both. But, if you have to choose, which one do you want?

Mark and I were talking this weekend and he mentioned this. I think it's an insightful question and tells you something about a person.

So, which one do you want - freedom or peace?

Butter Sculpture at Kansas State Fair

Kansas State Fair Butter Sculpture, with Mark looking on.

No, I don't know why anyone would choose to sculpt in butter.
Yes, there are people who specialize in this.

At one time it was the domain of Duffy Lyons of Iowa, who did it for many decades. Now it is a commercial venture by various companies.

Methinks someone smelled some profit.

But by the Grace of God There Go I

For some people, seeing someone in need makes them say, "That person is lazy." When I see someone in need I think, "But by the Grace of God there go I."

I put a similar statement on Facebook this morning and have left it there all day, watching the comments. I expected something about "personal responsibility" but it never came. It may yet.

I've been thinking a lot about this in the last few months. People are so rabid about their opinions that it's hard to find the truth, the bottom line, the meaning, somewhere underneath the emotion. I've been trying to strip it away in my mind, and get down to the base thought.

Of course, I only have access to my own thought process, so that's the only place to begin. I realized some time ago that I feel compassion because I partially know how tenuous "good times" and "bad times" are. It's so easy to slip from one to the other. When I see someone who needs something - food, shelter, a dream, whatever - I can see myself in that situation. Maybe I've never been in that situation, maybe I have and found a way out, but regardless I know it's a possibilty. It could happen. To me.

Ultimately, it's selfish to want safety nets because you might need them. That's selfish, but it goes beyond that. I can imagine how it would feel to need something and have no way of getting it. I know how it feels to need to know how to do something and you don't know and have no one in your world who can teach you.

I've come to believe this baseline thought process is at the root of many divisive issues. Can you ever imagine yourself in need - of anything - lacking something and not knowing how to find it? That "need" might be food or shelter, or it might be something less tangible. If you can imagine yourself needing something - and not knowing how to get it, and having no one to help you get it - it colors your perception of those you see who are in need of one sort or another.

If your experience does not allow for that circumstance - of ever having a need that you don't know how to fulfill - it may not be something you can imagine. And maybe if you can't even imagine having a need and no way to fill it, it's easier to expect everyone to pull themselves up by their boot straps and take personal responsibility. Because it's what you would do so it seems completely natural to you - not easy, but natural. And it seems the only logical course of action.

Unfortunately, some people can't even see that as an option, much less do they know how to get there. A friend mentioned today that she was reading a book where the writer said the outward needs were symptoms of much larger needs and when people feel "whole" they're better able to address the other needs. I think there's truth in that.

I believe in personal responsibility for all of us, but also believe that being part of a "society" means taking some responsibility for the whole. I'm not sure what that looks like, but I know the fact that I can imagine being in need myself and how it feels makes me want to find a way.

Magazines

They say you can tell a lot about a person from the magazines they subscribe to. I think what you can tell about me is that I don't have time to read magazines. But, apparently, I still like to subscribe to them.

Tonight I decided to tackle the very large pile of mail lying near the front door. It was a lot of mail. A plastic tub was involved, if that gives you an idea of the amount of mail.

I sorted through and pulled out all of these magazines, only one of which had been partially read. And my very favorite magazine is in there, too. Although, it just arrived. But, I think I haven't even read the last one yet.

Do you know which one is my favorite? If this were a local news program I'd have to tease you with some foolish thing before I went to commercial to keep you watching on the other side of the commercial. That's creating a mystery that you want to know the answer to. It works. Obviously. But, I'm not cheap and sleazy like that so I'll just tell you now. "Victoria" is my favorite. I'm sure you feel a tremendous sense of relief now that that mystery is solved.

Of course I'm being facetious. I doubt you were that concerned about what my favorite magazine is, unless you happen to be a magazine publisher. And if you are, please hire me to write a column for you.

I came home and wanted to control some little tiny portion of my world, because my work day world was very out of control today. All is well. It was just a frantic day, in which I didn't get nearly everything done I had hoped to do. But it inspired me to deal with a little clutter so it wasn't all bad.

Of course, I'm not really sure what one does with unread magazines. I guess put them in stacks on shelves. That's what I've been doing with the other piles of unread magazines. Some day, when I want to make another collage, I'll be glad I have them. I do wish I could find time to read them in the meantime.