Cats, Creative Sisterhood and Considerations

I've been busy the last few days - sometimes with fun stuff, which was great.

Last night my friend, Martha, invited me to join her at the Cats performance in our beautiful restored theatre, the Fox. Martha was instrumental in restoring it and I always enjoy being there with her. She was very generous in inviting me to go along. It was a really, really wonderful evening. I am so fortunate to have such amazing friends who do such fascinating things - like restore historic theatres!

Tonight was Creative Sisterhood. It was a truly incredible evening. I often comment that I want meaning in my world. I got a big dose of that tonight. I'm so thankful for these women. They add to my life in ways that will never be fully measured.

For tonight I made a chocolate cake, with an orange flavored frosting. It was quite tasty. It was a new recipe and it's close to "the" chocolate cake. I haven't yet found that recipe - the one that is the perfect chocolate cake. I'm still on the hunt. This one was close. But, alas, the hunt continues.

Otherwise, I'm involved in some serious thought processes these days. I have been a bit absent here because I'm spending more time with pen and paper. It seems I have a certain amount of writing oomph in me on a daily basis. Sometimes I use it all up on projects, sometimes on the blog, sometimes with pen and paper. I am on Facebook every day, so feel free to connect with me there, too!

But when I'm puzzling over things, I have to go to pen and paper and that's what I've been doing lately. I shall be back here, though! This has become my comfortable place to visit with people, talk about what's on my mind, and generally engage. I'm just in a spot at the moment where I'm trying to figure out "what's next."

I'm wondering if everyone is that way. I sometimes get eager for "the next big wonderful thing." It seems I need to be getting myself ready for it - whatever it is!

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Happy Valentine's Day

It's a day to celebrate love. Be thankful for whatever form it has taken in your life!

-----

Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Saturdays

I spent this Saturday making some of my usual Saturday stops. There are three businesses in town that I consider real jewels, and I hit all of them today. Lunch at Roy's Barbecue, then a trip through one of my favorite thrift stores, and wrapping up with a visit to Smith's Market. Smith's has a great selection of fresh fruit and vegetables, and also some cool gifts. Unfortunately, there were no cool thrift finds today. Oh well... there's a flea market tomorrow - perhaps I'll find something wonderful there.

Otherwise I did some chores around the house. So many things I need to do, but at least I did a couple of them. I don't think of myself as lazy at all, but I certainly don't get much housework done. Perhaps I'm lazy about that.

Tonight I did take care of a house chore I've been putting off, and replaced the hose on the hand held shower in the downstairs bathroom. I'm always a bit nervous about starting something like that. But, all went well. It is reassembled and works - without leaks.

Lately I've been spending more and more time on pinterest and one of the things I'm discovering about myself is that I am more drawn to tea, and beautiful things for the home, than almost any other category of photos. It's ironic that I don't keep my own house perfect, given my penchant for those sorts of scenes. I'm not sure what that all means, but it seems important to examine.

The other day I was with a friend and showed her a pretty table set for tea. I said, "You know, that's where I live all the time." She said, "Yes, I know you do. I don't. But I know you do." But in my mind, my expectations, my fantasies about life - that's where I'm at. It seems so simplistic - that a person should want more out of life. But, associated with those things are the connections made with other people and the conversation. If I could just have a beautiful tea experience every few days, and all that goes with it in my mind, it would be amazing.

In the national news today, we learned that singer Whitney Houston was found dead this afternoon. It's very sad. She had an amazing voice, but has struggled with drug abuse. We don't know that's what killed her, but it's what people are speculating. She's a prime example of being affected by those around you. An important lesson for us all to remember.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Days and Words

Today was a day of busyness. From the time I got up until late today I was busy with one thing or another. Tonight I sort of collapsed into the comfort of the keyboard and did a lot of writing.

I used to be a real procrastinator and I'm not anymore. Now I prefer the more leisurely pace of mulling things over, tossing them around in my brain, before committing to them. This change was something I manifested in the last couple of years and it's certainly a better way to live. It means you can occasionally have a night like tonight where I could let my brain be in neutral to some degree. I needed that.

It seems every day I have a to do list, and tomorrow is no different. And it seems that finally I will need to bundle up because winter is arriving tonight, with very cold temperatures. It will be a shock to our systems after such a mild winter thus far.

As much as I would love to spill a few more words out of the keyboard, I think it's time for some sleep. There's always tomorrow. And there are always more words.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Faith, Prayer and Belief

I read "90 Minutes in Heaven" earlier this year. I know, it has been around for awhile and I'm probably the last person to get around to reading it. It was written by a man, Don Piper, who died in a car accident and came back to life 90 minutes later. It is a book about religious faith and the power of prayer. It was a book that was available to me when I was traveling, it's a quick read, and interesting.

There are people in my world who are atheists and agnostics, as well as people of many different faiths. I rarely discuss my religious beliefs. It has nothing to do with being ashamed of them. It has to do with it being private.

It would be shocking to most people in my world how traditional my belief system is. It would also be shocking to people who view me as a Godless-heathen because I do not agree with the political positions their churches tell them are correct. My belief system includes ideas that are not part of the protestant faith I grew up practicing. In my mind and soul, these things live harmoniously, and don't require explanation.

That's always the thing about faith, I suppose: Those that have it don't need any explanation; Those who don't have it can never be satisfied with any amount of proof.

I am very much of the "live and let live" mindset. I never want to be held up as an example to anyone of any particular faith tradition, which is one reason I do not associate with a particular group. I think there are many paths to the divine, and it is not my place to judge someone else's.
-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Permission

I had lunch with a friend today and we were discussing how people often need "permission" to do something they want to do. It's not something I feel very much, but I agreed that it's something many people do feel, and that it's important for people to get that permission if they need it.

During the conversation, it occurred to me that the reason this frustrates me is that we will never "catch up" as long as we keep raising more people who feel they need permission. How long will it take to tell every person who needs permission that they have it? Longer than the time we have available, because we keep making more people who feel they need permission.

We need a much broader, cultural change so people grow up knowing they can do whatever they want to do. (Of course, I mean within the confines of not hurting anyone else, etc. etc. etc.) She asked me the all important question: "How do you do that?" Of course, I had no idea.

But I do know there's something fundamentally wrong people believing they need permission to do what they want to do. Something is horribly amiss. People should naturally want to do what makes them happy.
-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Creativity Quote

To be yourself in a world that is doing its best, day and night to make you like everybody else—is to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.  


----- e.e.cummings    

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Cupcakes and a Buttercream Recipe

I blame pinterest.

(It's the newest social network. If you'd like an invite, send me your email and I'll send one your way. You can see my boards at: http://pinterest.com/patsyterrell/) I resisted it for months, but finally gave in and started a "food" board and a "tea" board almost immediately.



This led to me seeing many photos of cupcakes. Some of them were decorated to look like roses. Like these.



Then I found these pretty cupcake holders at Hobby Lobby. They're so springy. And we seem to be having an eternal spring instead of winter here in Kansas. (While I'm enjoying this, I have begun to have a healthy fear of what August will be like.)



Today I could resist no longer. And made cupcakes. I had a gathering tonight so could take some of them with me to it. One of my friends commented, "Oh, this is real icing." Indeed, it is. Real buttercream. (Recipe below.)



Real buttercream requires two ingredients. Butter. And Cream. Hence the name - buttercream. If it does not include butter and cream, it is not buttercream. It seems this would be obvious, but considering the number of recipes you see for things called "Buttercream" that have neither, it is not. So, I'm stating it.

Buttercream
1 cup butter
4 cups powdered sugar
3 Tablespoons cream (you can add more or less, depending on your taste and what you want to do with it - if you want to decorate with it, it will need to hold its shape, of course)

That's all. No vanilla (one of the most over-used things in a baker's arsenal, and generally some disgusting fake vanilla-like substance instead of actual vanilla), no salt, nothing else. When you use good ingredients like real butter and cream you don't need those other things.

If you want to decorate like these, buy an M1 decorator tip. Start in the middle and just swirl.



-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Quote of the Day

Trust one who has gone through it.
                      --- Virgil

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

A Public Relations Nightmare - Komen Foundation and Planned Parenthood

Last Tuesday evening, the Komen Foundation announced it would withdraw funding from Planned Parenthood. They offered no explanation at the time, and seemed to expect this to go relatively unnoticed, but it did not. Apparently the Komen Foundation did not understand we live in a world where everyone has a voice through social media. My guess is that they were totally unprepared for what happened next, and I can't blame them for that. The public outrage was beyond what I would have expected.

The next day they announced the funding was withdrawn because Planned Parenthood was under investigation by congress. This sort of investigation has become somewhat routine as a political move because Planned Parenthood does abortions, although they have never been shown to be using any money inappropriately. Regardless, the public did not accept Komen's explanation. The Komen Facebook page was filled with comments - about 90% of them negative.

So, the next day they gave a different reason - that Planned Parenthood did not do mammograms, only screenings.

Then, the following day they announced they were reinstating the funding.

Between Tuesday evening and Friday morning, Planned Parenthood received donations more than the total of what Komen withdrew and then reinstated. They also received some donations from high visibility folks including New York Mayor Bloomberg who gave a quarter million dollars. Komen also lost some top executives who resigned in protest of the decision to withdraw funding.

It is fascinating to watch from a PR perspective.
It boils down to this:
Everyone knew Planned Parenthood performed abortions. 
Until the past week, no one knew the Komen Foundation had a political agenda. 


The Komen foundation can give its money to whoever it wants to give its money to. They are not obligated to support Planned Parenthood or anyone else. There were, no doubt, people who were thrilled Komen withdrew its support from an organization they view as evil. Unfortunately, Komen has now alienated them by reinstating the funding.

You can't say something is not political when it's based on a political decision. That's just untrue and makes you look foolish. If Planned Parenthood had been PROVEN to be using funding inappropriately, then withdrawing funding would not have been political.

In general, if you find yourself in this sort of a situation, the faster you address it, the better. And honesty is always the best policy. If you want to be a political organization, don't pretend you're something else.

What happens next will be interesting to watch. Komen has been the king of the non-profit jungle for a long time. They have been brilliant in fundraising and have raised a generation of women to think it natural to volunteer for them.

I'd love to know what prompted this. Was it their high level executives, who have strong ties to the Republican party? Was it a donor? Until this week, I doubt anyone had paid much attention to the politics of the executives because it had not been an issue. However, when they made a politically motivated decision they opened themselves up to that scrutiny.

What prompted the decision? And what next? Will they see donations decrease? Fundraising relies on trust and regardless of how much good the organization has done, people now believe there is more to those pink ribbons than they knew. It will be interesting to see what happens.

I thought they might pick up donations from folks who disagree with Planned Parenthood, but when they reinstated the funding, they would have lost those folks. Now people who are supporters of Planned Parenthood may well find another group to give to if they want to support cancer research. If the American Cancer Society were smart, they would already be mobilizing. But, alas, it doesn't seem they are.

So, after three and a half days of defending their position, which was more difficult when they changed it, all they've done is tarnish their reputation. They've exposed themselves as a politically motivated group, as opposed to the purely noble organization we believed them to be a week ago.

This whole episode points out a few things organizations and businesses simply have to understand from a PR and social media standpoint:

• everyone has a voice these days and they can and will use it
• a group of people who believe the same thing can form quickly and create change
• things move fast
• you can't hide behind terse statements these days - people demand more - especially when they are giving you their money
• you can't change your statements from one day to the next and expect people to not know the difference - we have all that information at hand

They're now going to have to devote large amounts of energy, time and money to brand and PR issues, instead of raising money for breast cancer research. The other thing is that, unfortunately, people never really forget. The United Way scandal was decades ago, but people still mention it. The Red Cross scandal is still fresh. Now we can add the Komen Misstep to the mix.

However, Komen has proven to be brilliant in the past. Perhaps they will show us a new trick or two in the next few weeks. I know I'll be watching.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Pink Tulips in Soft Light

The other night I was at a restaurant I'd not been to before and they had beautiful pink tulips on each table. I couldn't resist reaching out to touch the blossom, to make sure it was real.

I was surprised by how much beauty was contained in that one pink flower. Even though winter has been very mild, and almost like spring, it was a reminder that the seasons will change in a few weeks.

Recently I was talking with a friend about how much I crave having beauty in my life. He mentioned that beauty is one pathway to the divine, that it draws us in and satisfies something deep within us. I've been thinking about our conversation for the past three weeks. I know there's something in it that resonates  inside me.

The dim, softened light of the room made the tulips seem all the more brilliant. It was an unexpected bit of beauty - so simple and unassuming - yet so powerful.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

A Vintage Treasure

The rickrack caught my attention first.

Then I noticed the delicate crocheted stitches surrounding it. They were slightly uneven and therefore almost certainly made by hand.

It had been placed to the side, as if unworthy of being in a prime location. It had been covered with some other things as if to camouflage what was perceived as a flaw.

I excitedly moved everything to pick it up. I reached to turn it over and check the hem. It's then that I spotted the best part...



... yes, faded printing - probably once black, now a soft, faded gray.

I wondered if it was from Hudson Cream, a local flour company, because I can make out "cream" clearly. However, the other letters do not fit.

All I do know for sure is that it's a treasure - not every day brings one into your life, but today was a lucky day for me, for this beauty is now in my home.

For a mere fifty cents I have a reminder of another time. A time when fabric was so scarce, and beauty so desired, that a woman used a flour sack, a piece of rickrack and some thread to create something special. Whoever's hands created this may be laid to rest now, but this little bit of what they left behind is living on with me, and its value is far beyond monetary. It's a testament to how we all long for beauty, and find ways to fulfill that need in even the most dire of circumstances.



-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Jason Falls at SocialIRL in Wichita

Monday night I went to Wichita for a social media event. Jason Falls, one of the thought leaders in social media, was speaking. It was an event put on by SocialIRL - for those of you not into the social media world, that means Social In Real Life. Ben does a fabulous job with all the SocialIRL events, so if you get a chance to go to one, do. You won't be disappointed.

"Social Media" is a blanket term given to the entire class of services like Facebook and Twitter where people connect. I was thinking last night how cool it is that I've gotten to know a number of the people who were there just through social media. It's kind of interesting, really. How we meet people and how we maintain relationships has definitely changed. (My Facebook and Twitter links are below - connect with me!)

The IRL part is one of my favorite things. I like making connections, and love it that things like Facebook keep me connected to people I don't see daily, as well as introduce me to other people I have things in common with that I may not have met in person yet. When you see you have 30 mutual friends, you know you will probably connect.

My friend, Kris, is a great connector. She will just say, "You two need to know each other." I love that. I try to do the same for people, and I love it when someone does it for me.

For years, we've always taken what we call a "cute girl pic" whenever we're together. We haven't seen each other in awhile, so we were behind. We took this one Monday, and got another Tuesday at a different event. We needed to catch up.



The funny part of this photo was that we realized we wanted to take it and I started pulling my camera out. I glanced around to see who was near the take the photo and before I barely had the camera out of my bag, Kris said, "Well, we have two photographers right here." I handed the camera to Cort, who was the closest, and after he got over the shock of holding a little $200 camera he graciously obliged. Professional cameras are so much more sophisticated, and make such beautiful pictures, but I'm just not motivated enough to carry all that around. Regardless, I appreciated him sharing his talent.

-----

Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Frank Abagnale at Dillon Lecture Series

Frank Abagnale spoke at this morning's Dillon Lecture Series at Hutchinson Community College. He is an author and consultant for security, and also the subject of a movie, Catch Me If You Can, where he is played by Leonardo DiCaprio. It is based on a book he wrote detailing his life story.

At age 16 he ran away from home, and began to commit various crimes of fraud in order to bankroll his life. He traveled all over the world, impersonating a Pan Am pilot, then pretended to be a doctor. Needless to say, it was an interesting time in his life.

No one associated with the movie has ever met him, but he was happy with the product. He mentioned Spielberg said he didn't want to make the movie to glorify what Abagnale did during those years, but what he has done since then.

At age 21 Abgnale went to prison. Five years later they let him out if he agreed to serve the rest of his term working for the FBI to prevent document fraud, forgery and embezzlement. He remained at the FBI for decades after he was obligated to, and said today he still sees the years of fraud as shameful. He has turned down three pardons from three sitting presidents and credits his wife with changing his life.

During the luncheon, he spoke about security and said credit cards are the safest form of payment one can use. Something really interesting is that he said many kids get their social security numbers stolen because there is no credit reporting for people under 18.

He believes that punishment for fraud and recovery of stolen funds is so rare that prevention is the only viable course of action. He has authored several books, and has many free products on his website about how to protect yourself.


-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

The Night

I've never been a good sleeper. My mom told me that the first night she brought me home from the hospital I was awake all night and slept during the day.

I've come to believe it has more to do with the night than with sleep. At night I feel inspired. I can get things done. I like the feeling of being alert while everyone else is unconscious. And doing all of that helps me avoid the night. And the night people.

People are different at night. Their darker sides come out in the inky blackness. I don't remember a time when I wasn't uneasy at night, waking at the slightest noise, always alert to what was just out of reach that I couldn't see. I don't know if I acquired this fear before I can recall the precipitating event, or if I came into the world with it already deep-seated. Regardless, it is there.

When the morning light begins to creep into my room, sleep can easily overtake me. I don't think I'm alone in this. No one has insomnia at 7 a.m.

Maybe eventually the darkness and I will reach an understanding. In fairness, it's not the darkness of the night, but the darkness of those in it that concerns me. I'm not sure there's an answer for that.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

The Noticing

So much of life is about noticing. We go through life not paying attention to much of anything. We numb ourselves with busyness, so we don't have to think what's happening around us - or, God Forbid, within us. If we did pay attention we'd find a lot happening around us that's worthy of our notice.

For example, when I say "Sean Penn has been working in Haiti since the earthquake," you think - "oh, yeah, that's right." It's something we've all heard here or there along the way, and we thought, "that's cool," and we moved on. Into our busyness. We didn't process that. We didn't think about that. We didn't contemplate that.

Why is he there? What motivated him? What happened that caused him to go be there, as opposed to just sending money? Why? How did that come to pass? How is it working? What spoke to him about that?

I confess I don't know the answers to those questions, but I'm sure there is something profound in one or more of them. And no doubt something any one of us can use in our own lives.

But, we forgot to notice, to pay attention, to contemplate. We added the fact that Sean Penn is devoted to Haiti relief to our mental rolodex and let it end there. We didn't notice it. We just cataloged it.

It occurs to me that the real lessons of life lie in noticing, in paying attention, in processing. All around us are opportunities to learn from our fellow humans. But we have to step outside our own prison of busyness in order to notice, then to ask, then to understand. And, finally, to apply to our own lives. It all begins with the noticing.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Quote of the Day

“We all live in a tragicomic situation, a life that is in part absurd simply because it is not of our own making. We are born into a disordered world, into a family we did not choose, into circumstances we would have had somewhat improved, and we are even called by a name we did not select."

                                                   --- Sheldon B. Kopp

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Craig Ferguson and Ted Alexandro in Wichita Kansas at the Orpheum Theatre

We went to see Craig Ferguson in Wichita tonight at the Orpheum Theatre. He was wonderful, as you might guess. I watch him every night and just adore him. There were four of us - Greg, Mia, me and Pam - and we were lucky enough to be in the front row, so had a great view.

The show started with Craig making an announcement while the stage was dark. He commented on Orpheus (you know he's well-read if you're a fan), and made a few remarks, and then introduced Ted Alexandro. You may have seen him on the show before. He did a short set and was really funny.



Then Craig did his set and had us all laughing pretty much constantly.

We had waited outside beforehand, hoping to get a photo with him for my blog, and also for Ace Jackalope's blog. That was not to be.

But we had also made a banner and as he finished his set, we unrolled it so he could see it. He looked at it just as he was leaving the stage. I took this last night in my living room.



In a minute or so he came back out and said, "I had to come back to see what your sign said."

He asked what a Jackalope was and then invited Mia, who was holding the jackalope, up on stage to take a photo. He visited with her a couple of minutes, hugged her and posed with Ace Jackalope.



Like me, Mia is a major fan, so I'm very happy for her. It's sooooo cool she got a photo with him. So very cool!

All in all a great night of fun at The Orpheum. They have some amazing shows coming up, including BB King and Los Lobos. I wish I could just go to everything!
-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Coconut Pie and Creative Sisterhood and Pie Day

Monday was pie day. So I made pie. Coconut pie.



What else should one do on pie day but make pie and pie crust?



Well, eat pie.

I did that too.

Fortunately, Pie day coincided with my Creative Sisterhood gathering. I didn't even know there was a pie day when we picked the date for our gathering so it seemed obvious I needed to make pie for our dessert that night.



Here are some photos from the day. The recipe is included. (And, yes, that is my mom's recipe box - or what was left of it after her vigorous cleaning with oven cleaner. Yes, she was much "cleaner" than I am.)



At some point when I was a kid, I typed a bunch of my mom's recipes. I wish now I had the ones in her handwriting that these replaced, although I have many others in her writing.

I don't know how old I was, but obviously old enough to be learning to type, but not old enough to know how to spell "vanilla." It was grade school, I'm guessing.



This, children, was before we had the internet. We didn't get little squiggly lines under words when we misspelled them. I know, barbaric - but true.

Now... Go forth and make pie.

-----

Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Top of the Fridge - Cool Stuff

This is why I go to thrift stores, flea markets, garage sales and other places where they sell cool stuff. When I cleaned the top of the fridge the other day I decided it was time to organize all my trays I've picked up over the years.

They were just stacked on top of the fridge, along with the hammered aluminum ice bucket I bought for $2 at a junk store. Yes. $2. I use it maybe once or twice a year when I serve iced tea instead of hot tea at Creative Sisterhood. The rest of the time it just looks pretty.

You can also see the edge of an old metal bread box I bought at a flea market. That's where I keep the extra garbage bags.

Not too long ago I bought this plate holder, although I didn't know that's what it was at the time. I've had it on my desk holding magazines, but decided this was a better use for me $1.50 investment.

I realized after putting things up on top of the fridge that everything up there came from some of my second hand shopping excursions. I love things that have stood the test of time.

I'm a sentimental mush it seems. I guess that's not really news.


 -----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

The Sorrow Tree

I love the story of The Sorrow Tree. On the day of judgement each person is allowed to hang their sorrows on the tree. Then all are invited to walk around it and choose a pain other than their own. In the end, of course, each person chooses the sorrow with which they came.

I understand the point of this - we should all appreciate the life experiences we are given - they help make us who we are. I understand the wisdom of "walking a mile in someone else's shoes" mentality. I get that.

However, it also seems it would be beneficial to hang our sorrows on the tree, and let the vultures pick them apart until they are rendered into nothingness. I would never be so bold as to question the Zaddick, but maybe we could adapt the story of The Sorrow Tree for modern times.

Maybe in this time before Judgement Day arrives we could hang our sorrows on the tree and leave them behind. Maybe Mother Nature could have her way with them. Perhaps we could walk away from our own sorrows, as well as everyone else's. Maybe we could just let all sorrows be carried away on the winds, disbursed to the four corners of the Earth, never to be reassembled for anyone to have to carry again.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Forgiveness and Violets

"Forgiveness 
is the fragrance
that the violet sheds 
on the heel 
that has crushed it."
          --- Mark Twain

I love this quote. It sums up forgiveness so beautifully.

I've learned forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. I've let go of a lot of anger in my life as I've forgiven various people.

But there is still one person I need to forgive. He has never asked for it. Perhaps he doesn't even realize he should, although the sheepish way he acts around me on the rare occasions I see him, makes me believe differently. But at this point, that is not going to happen. So, I need to let go of that.

Until the last few months I didn't even realize I still harbored anger toward him until I heard people talking about him, telling stories of sharing pleasant times with him. And the bile inside me rose. How dare they have good experiences with him? Aren't they on "my side?" How dare he be enjoying life.

Of course, all of that is completely ridiculous. He has been enjoying life for years, probably with little or no thought to what transpired between us. Other people don't know what happened, and even if they do, it's not what happened to them. For there is the truth of every situation - it is my story, not theirs. It's not even our story - it's my story.

And that means only I have the power to change it. To rewrite it. To let go of the anger. To give myself the gift of forgiving him.

At times it has been so easy for me to forgive things I never thought I could. For some reason, this one lingers. But I must figure that out and let it go and move on.

I need the sweet smell of violets...

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

I puzzle even myself

Yesterday I decided I was going to work on the house a bit. I starting hanging up the clean clothes. Then the next thing I knew I was sewing on a missing button. Then I got back to hanging up clothes.

Then a friend called about lunch. I hadn't seen her in a while so we met at Roy's. We were still there 2 1/2 hours later. I thought I'd just run into one of my favorite thrift stores for a minute. So, I got home about 3 hours after I left.

I opened the fridge for a drink and noticed it really needed cleaning out. So, I went to pull the drawer out of the bottom and it wouldn't come without rolling the fridge out. But I had to take everything off the top of the fridge to do that. Then I had the fridge out so thought I should clean under it.

Then I noticed how dirty the curtains were behind in. So, they had to go into the wash - with multiple cycles with various cleaning products, which brought me back to the pile of clean laundry on top of the dryer.

The curtains are still soaking in the washing machine. And I'll have to roll the fridge out again to rehang them, once they're dry and ironed.

So... what I really accomplished was sewing on a button and cleaning under the fridge.

I think this may be why my house is always a mess.


-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Lips

Someone asked me recently if I had had my lips done. This is the second or third time someone has asked me this.

I'm not sure if this is a compliment, as in, "Gosh, your lips are so pretty."
Or if it's the opposite, as in, "Gosh, your lips look disfigured, what did you do to them?"

The answer is, "No, I have not had my lips done, nor can I ever imagine a time when that answer would change."

I think:
1. this involves sticking needles in your lips
2. this does not sound fun to me
3. most people who have their lips done end up looking like they've been attacked by bees and the swelling is extreme

And, finally, if I had the money to spend on plastic surgery there are about a dozen things I'd rather have done.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Writing, Writing, Writing

{EAV:d751c10d68df9a7b}I've been writing a lot the last couple of weeks, so haven't had much writing oomph left for the blog. I just finished another magazine piece tonight. It's a fun one - about pie!


I've learned a lot about how restaurants make pies en masse, and I'm all the more sure I don't want to work in a restaurant. But, I sure like to have good pie in them. I've uncovered a few more places I need to visit. Obviously. Research.

Accidentally, and unrelated to the story, I also discovered that January 23 (Monday) is Pie Day. I didn't know there was a Pie Day, other than 3.14, which is Pi Day. Regardless, it seems pie should be consumed on Monday. That might be a good time to go visit one of these restaurants.

Other than writing, and trying to catch up on some other things I've gotten behind on, I'm searching for health insurance. It is such a difficult thing for me. I want to be responsible and have some but so far all I've found costs almost as much as my mortgage and has a $10,000 deductible. I'm just not sure I can justify or afford that. I don't know what I'll do, but I'm assuming the path will become clear for me.

Well, it's almost 1:30 in the morning and I need to be up early in the morning so I should try to get a little sleep. I've been so mentally occupied lately that I've not been sleeping well, and that's not good either. Hopefully soon I will have everything a bit more under control and be able to rest.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

SOPA Petition

Today's "Google Doodle," as they call their imaginative logo artwork when they note various things, is the above black box. If you click on it you go to https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction and you can sign a petition to Stop SOPA.

Do that.

If you are reading this, you probably like the internet.

If you like the internet, you are against SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act), even if you don't know what it is.

The short version is that it's ill-designed legislation to address a real problem - piracy; that will have far-reaching effects for people like you and me who are just doing our ordinary daily business on the internet and don't happen to be copying movies for distribution around the world.

So, take a minute and sign this petition - it's easy - your name, email and zip code. The zip code is so they can send it to your representative.

If you hear about websites "going dark," they are protesting this. No one is saying it's bad to stop piracy, this is just a very bad way to do it. This would have little effect on piracy, but cause tremendous difficulty for the average person who just wants to chat with their friends on Facebook, make a basic website for their business or some other normal thing online.

Hop on over and let your voice be heard: https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction

If you want to do even more, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page. You can enter your zip code and get links to your particular reps. Do both. Make your voice heard.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Finally, it is done...

Three years ago at this time I was preparing for surgery. It was all messy and uncertain, but turned out well. I got the wonderful "benign" word, which made Ace Jackalope smile for the first time.

Since then I've been paying medical bills. This weekend I got the last bill from the last one to be paid off. It's from the surgeon who saved my life and my final payment is the left over of $37.19. I decided to pay it on Jan. 27 - the anniversary of the surgery - although it's not due for a few more weeks.

I am so glad to have all of those bills paid. And so thankful they were willing to let me pay monthly all this time. I had health insurance, but with a very high deductible. This office - Associates in Women's Health - was so incredibly kind, as was Heartland Cardiology in Wichita, and others. Via Christi was astonishingly generous and gracious. Some others were just instantly rude and awful. I ended up in the ER in Joplin after surgery and the award for the worst medical experience from that time - from the care received to paying the bill afterward - goes to Freeman Hospital in Joplin. They were just horrid.

But, overall, I was very fortunate - the medical system worked perfectly for me as far as getting care. My own physician, Dr. Wesley, spotted the problem when it might have escaped notice by others. A local surgeon referred me to a specialist in Wichita, saying I needed to be operated on by someone who saw cancer every week, not someone like him who saw it a couple of times a year. Fortunately, although the radiology looked very bad, it was benign. He referred me to Dr. Horbelt, who operated on me at Via Christi in downtown Wichita. I cannot say enough wonderful things about the care I received there. We still refer to it as the "Club Med" of medical care. They were amazing. I wish all hospitals could be run with the same care and attention that Via Christi shows. Stunningly perfect.

It's interesting that this is a pretty emotional experience for me. Not sure why, but it is. Maybe just because it's a finishing of that chapter.

I am a lucky, lucky, lucky girl.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Storytelling is What I Encourage Others To Do

It's all storytelling, you know. That's what journalism is all about.
          --- Tom Brokaw

Storytelling has been a theme in my life the last couple of years. I know I've written about it here many times. Tonight I ran across this quote from Tom Brokaw and it reminded me of a post I'd written recently about this very thing. 

The obvious thing is to think of myself as a story teller, but I realized tonight as I was thinking about it that I'm not so much a story-teller as I am a story-preserver. I seem to find myself in situations where I give other people a chance to tell their stories, where I can help them tell their stories. More directly, I should say I put myself in those situations.

This seems a really valuable thing. Not everyone has the ability to tell their story without help. Not everyone recognizes their story. Maybe this is one of my functions on the planet. 

I'm very excited about a new project that's looming in my life. It would be this exact thing and bring together a number of different skills I have to make it happen. I've wanted to do a project like this for years, and haven't been able to because I didn't have the necessary organizational skills to get it started. Fortunately, this time I have a partner who's wonderful at those sorts of things. We'll see if it all comes together. I'm so hopeful it will work. We shall see!

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

In Change There is Power

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. 
                                                  --- Alan Cohen

It was about two and a half years ago that I first found this quote. It was appropriate then because I was just starting a new job. Now that job is part of my past, but the sentiment behind this quote is still pertinent in my life.

I am almost always "embracing the new" in one way or another, it seems. I don't know that it is courageous in my case, it's simply pragmatic. It's much easier to embrace it than to fight it. 

Embracing the new is better than being swept along by the inevitable. And "the new" is often thrilling. So I think I'll open my arms wide, welcome in the new, and be grateful for all the good in my life.

-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Courage

"Courage: To tell the story of who you are with your whole heart."


I heard this during a TED Talk by Brene Brown. She said that is the original definition of courage, which makes sense because the word is from the French word for "heart."

When I first heard her say this it jumped out at me. I wonder how many of us can truly tell the story of who we are with our whole hearts. I know I don't do that casually.

Even though I write here almost every day, and it's something anyone with an internet connection can read, I share only a small part of myself. Or so I think. Some friends who are regular readers tell me I share much more of myself than I think and that if you read here regularly you know a lot about who I am and what I think, feel and believe. That may be true. Obviously, they're things I'm comfortable sharing.

Brown's talk is about vulnerability and how essential it is to a feeling of worthiness, and how that is critical for us to feel like we are loved and we belong. In her research, she said what separates the people who have a sense of love and belonging from those who don't, is that they feel worthy of it.

She says we feel a sense of connection as a result of authenticity. She said we have to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen - to believe we are enough - to believe that our vulnerability makes us beautiful - to make connection.

I have been thinking for the past few years that we are less connected with each other all the time. Maybe that's because we're less authentic all the time, too. From the implants in our chins and extensions in our hair, to the loyalty given to the sports teams of schools we never attended and the preference of television shows to real conversation. Maybe this is why people can be close to their family members, but not develop relationships beyond those. After all, our families already know our vulnerabilities so there's not much point in trying to hide them.

I know that I long for meaningful interactions. Perhaps I need to examine closely if I am being vulnerable enough to find them.
-----
Connect with me on Facebook or Twitter