Being Needy

I'm not sure what my general "neediness" level is, but I think it's pretty low. Perhaps my friends will tell me otherwise, but I believe it to be minimal. Maybe I have a skewed sense of what a "normal" amount is. I do know my tolerance level for it is low.

Because I spend a great deal of time in social media, I see a lot of "virtual hand-wringing" from people on the periphery of my life. There is always a problem, often related to someone else in their world, and they need a lot of support from people. This requires their "friends" to tell them repeatedly that they're wonderful and the other person - the villian in this story - is terrible, will see the error of their ways, is unreasonable, will regret this decision later, fill-in-the-blank.

I don't respond because I just want to say, "Get these people out of your life and you'll solve this problem. Go cold turkey. Just stop engaging with people who bring this kind of drama into your life."

Some would say it makes me cold-hearted, but I just could not have anyone close to me who had this much drama in their lives. I can't muster energy for being supportive of disasterous situations that are completely foreseeable. Yes, I know we all have to learn everything. What I've learned is that I'm not good with that. It's just not something I can offer the world.

I would do almost anything for a friend or family member who needed something. But there's no one in my close circles who is "drama prone." When they have a problem, it's a real problem. And I will help them in any way I can.

Maybe this was formed early in life when I watched people be overly dramatic about things that didn't really matter. When girls squealed about how they would die if they didn't get a particular pair of jeans, I looked at them as if they were a different species. In my world, people really did die. It was nothing like getting jeans. So I just automatically wrote off people acting that way as people who couldn't be trusted to make wise decisions.

Was that harsh? Maybe. But it seemed perfectly reasonable to me then and, frankly, it still does. What kind of sense does it make to expend that much energy over something that has no real bearing on your life? How can a person who's that worked up about jeans or exes or any number of other things have the brain power and emotional capacity to make wise choices? Maybe they can manage just fine, but my instinct for self-preservation doesn't allow me to gamble on that sort of wild-card variable.

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Cactus Still Going

A few weeks ago I reported on the Agave Cactus Growing on the Prairie. Earlier this week I had reason to be in Chase again, and snapped a couple of current photos.

It is still standing, but the blooms are drying up. You can see in the above photo that it's less "fluffy" at the top.



Hopefully it will make some babies before it dies.

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Charmed Life

Many projects are percolating in my brain these days. Exciting things I've tried to figure out, off and on, for years. It seems the universe is providing me with ideas, and the people to make them happen, at just the right time. Resources are just appearing, as if by magic, to allow things to fall into place.

I've always felt I lead a charmed life, but these days it's all the more apparent. I'm doing my best to manage all of this appropriately, and to remain grateful. I am so incredibly grateful.

A few months ago, I scheduled a visioning retreat weekend with friends that is coming up soon. It is the perfect time for it. Such a blessed, and exciting, time in my life.

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Layers

I'm in a place where I'm trying to figure out a number of things. I'm contemplating some new projects, and trying to decide what I should let go of to make room for them, or if there's room for everything.

As with every crossroads in life, there are layers to peel back. What you find beneath them is always a surprise, and sometimes it's just another layer.

While I'm in this process, my writing here may be sporadic and not make much sense. But rest assured all is well!

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Life Cycles

Everything has a life cycle, from plants to relationships. There's a time to sow, and a time to reap. While those are easy to spot, the inbetween time is a bit nebulous. We can't see plants grow, and we can't see relationships grow apart.

But one day you suddenly realize the corn is six feet tall. And one day you see the relationship is six feet under. It doesn't necessarily mean anyone did anything wrong. Circumstances just conspired to make it that way. Just like time helped the corn, time caused the relationship to become distant.


The trick is to realize that everything has a season, including relationships. It's just hard to see that when you're in the middle of it. Looking back, it's much more clear. 


To everything there is a season... 

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Colorado Shooting and Conspiracy Theorists

Twelve people are dead and dozens more wounded because of a shooting in a crowded theater in Colorado. Yelling fire in a crowded theater suddenly doesn't sound so bad.

Before the dead have even been identified and their families notified, the conspiracy theorists are at it. I find this incredibly cruel. Why add to the pain of grieving families?

It's fascinating that the people who seem most likely to believe in conspiracy theories are the same people who have no faith in the government. But somehow they believe this same government is able to plan, execute and cover up incredibly complex events. How can both of those beliefs coexist?

I do not believe in conspiracies. At least none that I've heard yet.

I think government does some things really well. But planning and executing complex events has to involve humans. And, covering up anything relies on humans to be quiet. Big, big, big flaw in the conspiracy plan. So far, throughout human history, that hasn't happened. People cannot resist telling what they know. How many crimes are solved because someone blabs to a bartender, or one inmate brags to another. Even Deep Throat couldn't resist revealing his identity before his death. We do not have it in us to keep what we know to ourselves.

So, no, I don't believe in conspiracy theories because it would demand capabilities that are beyond humans. However, I know there are others who do, and that's their choice. I do wish they could curb their enthusiasm for conspiracy theories until those who are grieving have some time to do that. Why be so cruel?


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Fun Glasses

Tonight was Third Thursday in Downtown Hutchinson - live music and art. It was a great night.

I broke out the cool, fun glasses for the occasion!

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Emotion

“I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.”
                                ― Virginia Woolf


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Something to Say

"I can't teach you how to have a voice. 
You either have something to say or you don't."
                                                    - Dan Wieden

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Possibilities

Life is a fascinating adventure. The days bring surprises more wonderful than you dreamed. Those surprises bring possibilities for futures I wouldn't have imagined.

I'm still mulling it all over. So much to think about.

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Community

I spent a few hours this week in a series of classes about Amish culture. There's an Amish settlement a few miles from where I live in Kansas. They also live in multiple places I've visited in recent years from Ohio to Iowa.

The overriding concept is the idea that the community is the most important thing. The good of all takes precedence over the individual needs and wants.

The class was taught by an ex-Amish gentleman, and there was another ex-Amish man in the class. Both of them left because they wanted an education. The Amish don't believe in formal education beyond the eighth grade.

It was really fascinating to learn about a culture that I see from afar regularly, but have no intimate knowledge of. It's something I like about living here. Occasionally you'll be in a line and someone will come up to another person in line to say hello and before you know it, they're speaking German. I don't understand a single word of German, but I find it fascinating how people easily switch from one to the other. I learned in this class that most ex-Amish say they'll always think in "Dutch," which is actually German. (Pennsylvania Dutch is actually a reference to Deutsch, i.e. German.)

Multiple people asked about shunning, and he did talk about that a bit. He also asked the older gentleman to talk about his experience of being disciplined by the church when he was younger. He was never shunned, but he was disciplined for something he did that was wrong. The bishop came to see him, then he confessed in the church, and everyone stood up and he knew they forgave him. Something I would have missed if the instructor hadn't mentioned it that this forgiveness, like so many things in Amish culture, is visible. That theme kept repeating.

By the way, if you're wondering what this gentleman did that required discipline, he went to see a movie. While that may seem harsh to us, it's important to keep things in line so they maintain their culture.

It was an interesting couple of days. It gave me some insight I've been missing.

And, it reminded me that something that delights me is learning.
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Pushed and Pulled

I'm in a bit of a funk. At least that's what I'm calling it. I don't have another word for it, although "funk" implies something negative, and it's not that. It's more that I feel pulled in a dozen different directions and I'm not sure from moment to moment where to put my attention. I'm pushed and pulled this way and that. Somewhere in between I'm looking for the straight line that moves things along.

Obviously all will work out, as it always does. It's just the middle of the process and I'm trying to figure out how best to manage.

In the meantime, there are other things that are more fun beckoning me to spend my attention there. I think I will have to put those on hold for the moment and focus. Focus, focus, focus - not my best thing - but I will buck up and manage!

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Just Because it's Pretty...

I took this photo more than two years ago but just recently looked at it carefully and now I see there's a bee inside the flower.

I wonder what else I've missed all this time...

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Three Steps to Finding Your Purpose

Finding one's purpose is a topic that keeps coming up these days. It seems it's on the mind of many people in my world.

Ironically, I just ran across these notes I jotted down from a book, podcast or show. Unfortunately, I didn't note the source. However, they seem appropriate. My apologies to the originator for not giving you credit.

Three Steps to Finding Your Purpose
1. Remember where you came from.
2. Figure out what inspires you and brings you joy.
3. Determine how to share that.

I think most of us get stuck on step 2. For me that's such a long list it's hard to narrow it down to what I should focus on. People have far worse problems, of course.

I do know one thing. I am incredibly grateful for the daily comfort and joy I experience. I am truly blessed in so many ways, and so thankful for it. It's easy to be jaded, but most Americans experience a daily comfort level most of the world will never know. (Typed on my high speed internet connection in my air conditioned house.)

The question is, what to do with that grace, that gift.

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Question of the Day - Delight

What absolutely delights you?

This seems an important question to answer, and one that could be a guide for life. Shouldn't we all be spending our time doing things that delight us? I think the world would be a better place if we were.

So, I've been thinking about this. I've come up with a short list of things that delight me. I will be adding to it no doubt.

Tea - It is not the beverage I love, but the experience of having tea with friends. I love the pretty, unusual food. It's a real treat to sit down and be able to relax, immerse myself in the experience, have delicious bites of different kinds of food, served on beautiful dishes in lovely settings. So, what absolutely delights me is the tea experience. I rarely drink tea otherwise.
Art - Talking with my friend, Jocelyn, about art is always wonderful. We talk about possibilities and look at what's being created and think about what could be created. That absolutely delights me. Making art also delights me, but in a different way. Visiting art museums and seeing impressionist art delights me.
Conversation - Talking with people about creativity, happiness, or other mutually interesting topics is a delight. I love that give and take we experience.
Travel - being immersed in newness delights me. Especially if I'm interacting with people in new and different ways.

I am finding it difficult to define these things in a way that I can explain to others. That tells me I need to spend more time contemplating this question of what absolutely delights me.


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Things to Do

I'm a big to-do list maker. My desk is generally littered with a variety of lists because somewhere in the day I realize the list I started out with needs to be subdivided.

In addition to tasks I need to complete for one reason or another, there's a list for the cool, interesting, fun things I could take advantage of. Because I live in a small town in the middle of the country, people think there's nothing to do here. Even people who live here think that. I think they're not looking very hard.

This week there are free movies, art exhibits and music happening in town. If I'm willing to drive an hour away I can go to three author different author events, and take advantage of a huge selection of art and music events. I could also visit two world-class museums in my little town, or within an hour's drive see everything from Egyptian mummies to historic firearms. I would add to this parks, trails and wildlife areas if Mother Nature weren't trying to bake us all at a high temperature.

The problem becomes what I should spend my time doing. I'm also taking a small class this week about the Amish culture of the area. I'm somehow sure this will necessitate me getting a cinnamon roll at one of the restaurants nearby. Just to get into the proper mindset, of course.

So, the question becomes what to do with my time. There are all of these fun things to do, and also things that need to be done. Then there are a host of things that need to be done for future projects - things like redesigning my business cards and website and such. Then there are the longer term projects - the "What am I going to be when I grow up questions." Answering that question and doing whatever needs to be done to achieve it isn't yet on a list. And those seem like pretty big things.

I'm reminded of the quote about the way to avoid your life is to keep it busy. The actual quote is far more eloquent than that, but you get the gist of it. I don't consciously try to keep my life busy, but it seems there are so many interesting things happening in the world and I don't want to miss them. I'm doing my best to live life fully, not avoid it. If only I could find more hours in every day.

When I hear people say they are bored, I just cannot imagine how that can be. I find each moment of each day drawing me in different directions, and having to make choices between multiple things I'd like to do.
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Thankful

Earlier this summer I was invited to spend a week focused on writing. It was an extraordinary experience, and one I'm so incredibly thankful for.

I was in a beautiful place, with a full week to do nothing but work on my writing. I'm so grateful to the women who made it possible. It's such a gift to have the space and time to work on creating. These generous souls took care of all the details of daily life - from lodging to food - so all we had to do was focus on writing.

It was an incredibly productive time for me. Not only does the work benefit, but it feeds the soul to receive such a tremendous gift. 

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Quote of the Day

We have no hope of solving our problems

without harnessing the diversity,
the energy, and the creativity
of all our people. 

                     -Roger Wilkins

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Happy Fourth of July

I took this photo during a tour of Hutchinson Fire Station, Number 1. It has been continuously occupied since it was built early in the 20th Century. That is the original brass pole, and it is still used.

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Brainstorming for Art

In the last few days, my friend, Jocelyn, and I have spent some hours discussing these twigs. They're from a redbud tree and we're both quite taken with the stark white of the core compared to the darker bark.

We've talked about various ways they could be incorporated into art projects, probably for far longer than most people could stand to discuss twigs. We both found it inspiring to just be able to brainstorm in our own laid-back way. It certainly wasn't "corporate" brainstorming. It was more of a natural flow of, "oh, and you could do this, or turn it that way, or give it a twist, or put it on a different background."

Jocelyn is a very gifted artist, and generous with her talent. I'm glad to call her a friend. She teaches me.



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Logic and Wisdom

Today I had to choose between logic and wisdom.

I chose wisdom.

Wisdom is that internal knowing that defies logic. It does not dwell in the place of worry over things like mortgage payments. Instead it flourishes in the space that does not require betrayal of your inherent self.

Wisdom means following the path of grace, when logic tells you that's not smart. But, wisdom knows better. Wisdom knows doing otherwise will cause pain to the true self. And self-inflicted pain is far more damaging than what anyone else can dole out. 

So, I chose wisdom.

By doing so I made room for something better to fill that space in my life, and for me to be transformed into something better as a result.

Wisdom.


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The Road Not Taken

The hardest thing about the road not taken 

is that you never know where it might have led.

        --- Lisa Wingate

From the present moment, we can see the past stretching out behind us, a bit foggy perhaps, but there nonetheless. Despite its distance, some parts of it are as clear and intense as they were when they happened. But they are past. Not to be relived.

Instead we turn around and face forward, into the future. We hope we take the road for joy, not letting an opportunity slip by. 

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Agave Cactus Blooming on the Kansas Prairie

This is a very famous plant - an agave cactus in bloom, in case you didn't recognize it. What makes it famous is that it's on the Kansas prairie, specifically at Farley Machine Works in Chase, Kansas. It's located right along Highway 56.



They have added cables to help anchor it. We do have some wind here on the prairie. And it is now about three stories tall.

Until a few months ago, this plant was just the lower, bushy part. They brought it in and out of the sun by rolling it into the machine shop when necessary. It's on a trailer built by the owner's grandson.



The towering stem with blooms is the "flower" part. If you look closely you can see the blooms are different at different levels. The lower ones are starting to dry and the upper ones are not yet bloomed.









The sad part of this story is that it's expected the plant will die once it has bloomed. When we visited on Thursday, a part of it had been found broken on the ground that morning when they arrived at work.



I don't know much about cactus plants, but you can see the leaves seem a little dry at the stem. Maybe it just can't support that bloom for long.



I confess I knew nothing about this, but my friend, Pam, asked if I wanted to go. This would be a time when it's handy to know an extension agent who specializes in horticulture.

She tells me the flower part will die, but the main part of the plant will probably live another year or so and it will make little baby plants - pups, they're called.

In fact, it has already made some. And someone stole them. But, the owners do have one at home as well.



This plant was bought as a Mother's Day present in 1976. These plants are known to live 30-40 years, then bloom, and die. Of course, they're not expected to do that on the Kansas prairie. No one knows what will happen to it, but they're doing their best to keep it alive.



You can see the lean in it, but that's not unexpected considering the height and the wind.



People are coming from all over to see it. The machine shop has put out a guest book to keep track.

I'm glad I have friends who, when we have lunch plans, will ask if I want to go see a three story cactus plant in a neighboring town and eat on the way back! It was an adventure. Thanks, Pam!



You can read the Wichita Eagle article for more info.

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Why the Health Care Vote is Personal for Me

Today the Supreme Court upheld the Obama Health Care plan as constitutional.

I am relieved.

Not a single Republican voted for this plan in congress. It was all about party lines instead of having any compassion for people who don't have health insurance - people of both parties. I am one of those people, and not by choice.

Chief Justice John Roberts' vote today is what gave the 5-4 majority on the Supreme Court. I do not know this, and I'm sure he will not speak about it since justices don't offer comment, but I'm guessing he is personally against it. But, he did his job today, and upheld the constitutionality of it. That is the job of the justices in this case. He did his job admirably. I want to offer my gratitude for him doing his job instead of bowing to the pressure of a political party. He has assured his place in history, as many people who did what was right instead of what their party wanted right now.

I am relieved because in 2014 I will be able to buy health insurance. I want to have health insurance. For the first time in my adult life I am uninsured, and it is not because I want to be. No company will insure me. If you've never looked for health insurance as a individual - not part of a group - you probably do not realize how difficult it is to get. Besides, any health issue you might have is a pre-existing condition and not covered if you can buy it.

For those of you who believe it is all about personal responsibility, let me say that as far as I know, I did not do anything to cause a tumor to grow on my right ovary. However, the fact that I had it removed, in order to determine if it was cancerous, makes me uninsureable. (It was benign, I'm happy to say.)

I live in a state that has a high risk pool I can buy into. However, to get a $10,000 deductible plan, it would cost me about $500 a month. The upshot of that is that I would pay $16,000 a year before they would pay anything. There has only been one year of my life where I required that much medical care, and I hope there is never another one. It makes no sense for me to do that, even if I did happen to have an extra $500 a month.

My hope is that when insurance companies cannot pick and choose their customers, and everyone has to buy insurance, the competition will drive prices down. We will see. I just know something has to be different.

You can read my health care story, and why this is personal to me.
http://www.blog.patsyterrell.com/2009/09/my-story-about-health-care-reform.html



Click on the photo to see more.

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To be clear, I am not inviting debate about this issue. This blog is my opinion, and my incredibly personal story. Please share your dissenting views on your own blog instead of mine. Thanks in advance. 

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Margaret Atwood's Creative Process

I love "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood. And I love that she's on Twitter regularly. Here she talks about her creative process.

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Five Social Media Tips for Politicians

It's political season, and my social media streams are suddenly bulging with politicians I haven't heard from since the last time they had an opponent. It seems word has gotten around that social media is powerful, but no one bothered to share how to use it.

So, as a person who manages social media for clients, I'm going to share a few tips specifically for politicians. Yes, I'm giving away information - consider it my contribution to your campaign.

1. It's "social" media - not the place for you to just drop into on a whim and expect people to fall at your feet. If you haven't been in this space for weeks, months or years, maybe since the last time you were campaigning, you better approach me gingerly. I will "unlike" your facebook page so fast it will make your head spin. You know, I can see what you've posted previously. If it's nothing but fundraising, you're gonna lose me. Quickly. You don't have to visit with every person, although that would be nice, but you can post something more interesting.

2. Do not ask me for money in your first interaction with me. Would you walk up to me at a gathering, introduce yourself, and ask me to donate all in the first breath? I hope not. If all you post on social media is fundraising, that's what it's like.

3. This is a good place to share what you're doing - where you're appearing, what's happening in your campaign, what you think about the news topic of the day, a photo of your trusty dog, etc. Then, once I know you, and care about you, you might mention it would be helpful if I gave you money.

4. People always want to see "behind the scenes." I don't care what business you're in, that's what people want to see (Okay, maybe not if you're in the hog rendering business.) If you're a politician, this is a great place to offer some kudos to your volunteers, show us a photo of your campaign office, or some other insight into who you are.

5. Photos are powerful. Videos are powerful. (Don't tell me you didn't notice Old Glory up there at the top of this post.) Make some of them about something other than you raising money.

If you don't have time to be on social media regularly, either hire someone to do it for you or consider if it's something you should be doing. You hire people to make brochures. Your Facebook page will probably reach more people. Think about where you're putting your money. (This does not mean you have to hire me, it means you have to think about what you're doing and if it makes sense.)

Yes, social media is powerful. It can also be a detriment if you don't use it well. Those of us who are in the space all the time think that if you can't manage this, you might not be able to manage whatever office you're running for very well either.

There are about a jillion other things I could say, but these few tips should get you started.

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Beauty is God's Handwriting

The idea of beauty has been central to my life the last few years. I have continually gotten the message that I need more beauty in my life, that I need to create more beauty, that I need to appreciate beauty more.

I've thought about this for many hours, and written thousands of words about it - some of them here. Still, the answer did not come to me.

Then a few months ago I was interviewing my friend, Jesse, for a magazine article I was writing. He's very involved with his church and we were discussing the stained glass windows and other beautiful parts of the church. Then he said something that crystalized part of the puzzle for me. "The sheer force of beauty itself is a vehicle for the divine." 

Interestingly enough, his comments ended up not being used in the article, so it could be argued that interview was really just for me. So Jesse could say this to me in a context we wouldn't have otherwise been in.

We have so many examples of beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One of the things I find beautiful is handwriting, and I'm currently focusing some energy on a project to capture handwriting samples from people. (http://www.wordsbyhand.com) Then, through a totally unrelated series of events, this quote came to me:

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting. 

                             - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life circles around, it seems.

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What Do We Lose

There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to decide if you're going to do something different, make big changes, go in a new direction, or if you're going to keep doing what you've been doing.

You may not just be going through the motions, but you're in a pattern. The same pattern you've been in for awhile. You have to decide if you're going to stay there or shake things up.

I've always been attracted to those stories where someone is travelling through a town and sees an old house for sale and buys it on a whim and starts a whole new life. Conveniently, they just happen to have a large sum of money recently acquired by the same event that leaves them free to roam. Most of us - happily so - are not so un-tethered that this is feasible. 

Of course, fiction is much easier than real life. In fiction there's never a moment of loneliness because you've uprooted yourself and left everything and everyone you know. In fiction there's a group of people eager to take you in and befriend you. Reality isn't so beautifully scripted.

But, if we're afraid to take the chance what do we gain? Security, I suppose.

Maybe the bigger question is what do we lose.
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Visioning Retreat

Soon I'll be going on retreat with a few friends where we will engage in a visioning process for the coming year.

This will be the fourth time I've done this. Each year it's a different group of people who go and it's always insightful. The only person who has been to each one besides me is my friend, Teresa.

We very loosely use this book as a guide. We were able to hear Lucia Capacchione speak a few years ago. I really wanted to engage in the process she outlined and found a way that was possible.

I have a friend who has already spoken up that she would like to come next year.  I know she will be an amazing addition to the group so I'm hoping that works out. It's always enlightening for me.

I'm really eager to devote some time to this process of stopping, thinking, organizing and visioning. It helps me focus my energies and I really need that at the moment. I think of it as a blueprint for the coming year.


Here are some posts from previous years if you want to take a look at what we've done.

http://www.blog.patsyterrell.com/2008/04/ramona-retreat_08.html
http://www.blog.patsyterrell.com/2010/05/visioning-collages.html
http://www.blog.patsyterrell.com/2011/04/retreat-collage.html



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Evangelism is Not for Me

I have an issue with evangelism. That probably says more about me than anyone else.

Let me be clear that when I say "evangelism," I don't necessarily mean in a religious way - I mean about almost anything. I think what bothers me about it is the intensity level. I seek to eliminate drama in my life. I don't have people who are high-drama as friends, I try to live in a way that limits unpleasantness, I avoid confrontation, etc. etc. etc. Evangelism seems like drama to me.

It also limits people to the one issue they're evangelical about. I do not believe humans are so one-dimensional. I think we're far too complex to be boiled down to one thing. When I see people who are completely devoted to one topic, issue or cause, I think they're not being honest with me. There must be more to them, but they're keeping it hidden. The evangelism becomes a smokescreen to detract me from who that person truly is. It's like a magician redirecting my attention. I don't like that feeling of having the wool pulled over my eyes.

At the same time, I admire people who are so clear about anything. Until we have defined what we want, what we are about and who we are, with complete clarity, it's difficult to accomplish much. For me evangelism feels like an easy way out in that regard - a position arrived at not by consideration, but by finding comfort with others who share the point of view. This, again, presumes people are too complex to be centered on only one thing.

I think most of us have experienced that "group think." I know I have. It's easy. It's nice. It's simple.

Evangelism also allows no room for differing points of view. And evangelists try to convince you of their point of view with emotion and by putting down others. What people don't understand is that if I don't share your viewpoint, you can't convince me with that as a basis. A common foundation is necessary to have any hope of having someone see your view point.

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