Self Control - Or Lack Thereof

The Atlantic Monthly has a piece online about a study in the Journal of Consumer Research that indicates, "regret over indulgence and gluttony diminishes with time, but regret over missing out—doing the responsible thing and deferring gratification—only increases."

Researchers look at two ways people approach life - the idea of enjoy it now and pay for it later, and the idea of giving up immediate gratification for future benefit.

Apparently the guilt we may feel for overeating or overspending or over-fillintheblanking is intense. But, we're fickle, and it's fleeting. On the other hand, that wishing "if only I had" emotion comes on slower but stays much longer.

I believe this is what people mean when they say they regret the things they didn't do more than the ones they did.

I've always believed my elders on this matter and been a very much "live in the moment" person. I don't have any regret over anything I've done, and none for any missed opportunities either.

I'm sure some of my escapades in my wilder days would shock many people who see me in the mode of chamber breakfasts and afternoon teas. It just goes to show that people are multi-faceted - some of us more than others, perhaps.

At least I think people are multi-faceted. I hope so. I hope the other people I see at chamber breakfasts have, at some point, done something more exciting than this. I hope so. I really hope so.

Everyone should have some things worthy of regret in their past, maybe in their present. It doesn't mean you have to engage in the useless exercise of regret. But, everyone should do something "shocking" on a regular basis.

Of course, "shocking" is in the eye of the beholder. I just think I'm living my life until I'm telling someone about something and watching their eyes grow wide and their mouths drop open. My friend, Leah, is the ultimate in this regard. She jokes that I've given her more gray hair than her children. Maybe she's not joking.

I think I'm due for something shocking. Maybe overdue. Maybe you are, too. "Shocking" in a good way, of course, just that way that gets the blood going, the adrenalin pumping - raises the excitement level of your life a bit.

However,  I said shocking - not stupid - drive sober, practice safe sex, and don't mess with any potentially instantly-addictive substance or activity.

St. Mary's Church in St. Benedict Kansas

Sunday before the tea, Susan took us to St. Mary's Church in St. Benedict, Kansas. It is just outside of Seneca, where I had been before with the ex-boyfriend when he worked there. He had taken me around a lot of the area up there, and it seems like we had driven by this church, but hadn't stopped in. I'm so glad Susan took us - it was an amazing place to be.

Because I love stars, of course I was enchanted with this bit of a stained glass window. There are many, many, many stained glass windows and lots of hand painted decoration on the walls. Stunning. Completely stunning.




The church was completed on November 13, 1894, three years after construction began. It is 162 feet by 60 feet, with a tower of 172.5 feet. The limestone came from the Schneider and Hurley farms about three miles north. This is actually the fourth building to serve the parish, which was founded in 1859.



The church has the traditional, Roman style, layout. Inside the front doors is a small vestibule. When you walk into the sanctuary, the organ is overhead in the loft, which was open when we were there. The vaults are 52 and 35 feet high, with cast iron columns bearing the weight of them and the roof.



The ribs in such structures are always amazing to me.








The painting on the walls was done in 1901 by G.F. Satory of Wabasha, Minnesota did the decoration in the church. He used stencils to create patterns, bands and friezes in a variety of colors. He did the columns, vault ribs, window openings and other areas. The designs incorporate many Christian symbols. It was this ornamentation that got the church placed on the National Register of Historic Places on Dec. 5, 1980.



Around the church are the 15 mysteries of the Rosary. This one, "The Finding in the Temple," is in the choir loft.











If this all looks very fresh for more than 100 years, you're very observant. It was restored beginning in 1979. It took three years to complete the job, but was done with painstaking accuracy to the original as far as color, blending and design. It is the only known Satory-painted church to be preserved. All the others have been lost to modern paint jobs over the years.

The choir loft has two angels, one pink and one blue, holding lights. They are magnificent pieces. In this photo you can also see more of the painted decoration.

You may notice some color differences - that's because of where I was in relation to the sunlight in the church. The choir loft was one of the best areas for photography.




In 1984, the pipe organ was fully restored by the Quimby Organ Company of Warrensburg, Missouri. It is all mechanical. It was manufactured by the Hinners Organ Company of Pekin, Illinois about 1916. The sound is styled on the Romantic Period of organ building. It has 17 rans with 932 pipes. Most of the pipes are constructed of wood, but the larger pipes in and behind the case are made of zinc. The smaller ones are made of an alloy of fifty percent lead and tin.



Of course, the stained glass is spectacular.











I couldn't resist some close-ups in the one place I could get close enough - the stairs and the choir loft.





Structures like this are built with attention to detail. One place where it's obvious is in the light that hangs near the altar. If you put yourself right under it, the decoration is made to the perfect size to frame the light itself.





It's a beautiful place to spend some time. There's also a grotto to the side, with some fascinating rocks to enjoy.



St. Mary's is worth a drive to enjoy.

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Check www.patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, and more.

Home

I have returned home from the weekend at Susan's. It was lovely and I got to see my online turned real life friend, Cynthia. We met in real life a year ago when we went to the same tea we went to today.

Tea was lovely, and Susan, Teresa and I were a great trio all weekend. We bonded well.

Susan's friend, Kathleen, wasn't feeling well, so didn't get to enjoy tea, which was a real pity.

We also took time today to drive to Seneca and go to a beautiful Catholic church near there. Pictures will follow soon, but Teresa and I talked until 3 a.m. and then got up before 8, two nights in a row, so it's time for me to get some sleep.

Under the Rainbow

Teresa and I are enjoying a lovely weekend at Susan's farm in Valley Falls. When I say "lovely," I mean it's been beautiful in a variety of ways - not the least of which was this stunning rainbow late Saturday - just an added bonus.




We got here Friday night in time to relax a bit before bed. Susan, our hostess with the mostest, made a Paula Deen extravaganza of a French Bread casserole. We did help - Teresa cut the bread, I zested the orange - but basically Susan did the work.








It was baked this morning and turned out perfectly wonderful.




Susan served it on this beautiful china I've fallen in love with. I have a thing lately about orange. This is Czechoslavakian china, which Susan collects.




This afternoon I worked on one of my "bits and pieces" books that hold the ephemera of my life, and Teresa made a collage.

After she was done with the collage, we tried to psycho-analyze her based on it. She's such a good sport.

I also worked on some recipe things. I brought my collage stuff but didn't get any of that done. The days just go too quickly. We took just a few minutes to run to Valley Falls to check the antique stores. I bought an old button jar with some very cool buttons. I have a project in mind for them - look for more details here soon - but that's all I got.

Susan, bless her heart, has just taken such good care of us in so many ways. She always makes you feel so welcome at her home, and dotes on you. It would be so easy to get spoiled.

This afternoon she *really* outdid herself by fixing us a lovely tea. It was just wonderful. When she said we were having tea, I thought she meant we were having tea and cookies, but she did a whole spread.




This is Susan, who after the wonderful breakfast, and an amazing soup for lunch, and then this incredible tea, went on to fix a great vegetarian lasagne for dinner tonight.

Needless to say, we're stuffed!

This afternoon while we were working on projects, Teresa noticed the rainbow.

Oddly enough, just a couple of days ago, Teresa had called to tell me that there was a stunning rainbow visible in Hutchinson. Unfortunately, I didn't get the call until after dark so I missed it. But, I thought at the time that I love having friends who will call me about a great rainbow. Those are the kind of friends I want to have - who know that a gorgeous rainbow is important enough for a phone call.

Tomorrow we go to the tea in Hiawatha. We're going to pick up my friend, Cynthia, in Horton, and then we're all going to lunch at a place near Hiawatha. Then late in the afternoon we'll have tea there.

I'm so blessed to have such great friends who are so generous.

1001 Posts

Well, this is 1001 posts on this blog. Amazing. There are earlier posts at my live journal site. Who knew I had this much to write about? Not me. If there's anything worthy here is another matter. I'll just leave that up to conjecture.

Creative Sisterhood and More

Last night was Creative Sisterhood and it was a really good night. Julie didn't come but did stop by afterwards.

Her daughter and two granddaughters were in a car accident the day before and she was helping out. Fortunately, everyone is OK although her daughter hurt her neck and back. Hopefully it's not a long term problem. The cause of the accident? The other driver was text messaging while driving and ran a stop sign.

We didn't know that when we were having Creative Sisterhood, of course.

It was a really good night. My topic was the cookbook donation, which is a big deal for me. It's odd to be giving away something that has been a huge part of my life for so long. I've always thought about what to do with them when I die, but I'm a long way from dying. But, it's still time to send them to a new home. I need to make room in my life for new things.

In the spirit of such things, I made a new cake last night from a recipe I got out of one of the cookbooks I'm giving away. It's an orange cake. I made seven minute frosting to go on it and it was a big hit. I made five thin cake layers instead of three thick ones - more frosting opportunity that way.



I also got out a variety of cups and saucers. Generally we use mugs, and they do have the virtue of keeping the tea hotter, but it's nice to use china sometimes, too.



Almost everyone knew about the cookbooks because they read it here. Frankly, sometimes I think this blog is part of the reason I sometimes feel distanced from people in my real life - they don't talk to me, they just read the blog. It's flattering and yet troubling at the same time.

I sometimes discover that someone I never would have guessed from my past is reading along, but never emails or phones or mentions it. It's odd. I guess they want to remain incognito, maybe thinking I would be negative toward them. In reality, I have no ill will toward anyone in my past - old friends, lovers, coworkers, bosses, etc. - I would welcome contact from any of them.

I have chosen to live with nothing but positive feelings toward everyone I've crossed paths with. Admittedly, that takes some effort sometimes if you feel someone has really harmed you physically or emotionally. And it always takes a while to move past the hurt when it has been a serious love relationship, but it happens with time. Blissfully, I'm at that place now - a peaceful place - where there's no more hurt to move past with anyone.

I'm often criticized that people can't just "choose" such feelings and I expect too much of people - I heard that just today as a matter of fact. In reality, I'm just talking about my own life, not anyone else's. I have made a choice - and it is a choice - to be positive toward everyone I've had any connection with in this life, even if it was a seemingly negative experience or ending. I'm a pragmatist. There is no benefit to harboring ill feelings toward anyone. The only person who will suffer will be me. So, I choose not to do that. Others can do as they wish, but that is my choice.

One of my life lessons has been the realization that we all do what we gotta do to get by out in the big, bad, world. People are hurt, wounded, insecure, worried, troubled, fill in the negative adjective of your choice. We all make decisions we think weren't the wisest in retrospect, but are the only options we see at the time. We all do things we wouldn't want our best friend to know about. We all make mistakes - sometimes very big mistakes - most of us are just lucky enough to not suffer horrendously for them. We all stumble around, doing the best we can with what's before us, and I've learned that you often don't know what is before other people.

As I am fond of saying, "if you weren't there, you don't know what really happened." You don't know the pressures, the implications or the demands that are made behind closed office doors or bedroom doors or even front doors. Whenever you hear someone's recounting of a situation, it's edited - if only by omission of some facts - sometimes a lot of facts. I've been the victim of such things and I've been the perpetrator of such things - so there you go. No one is perfect. Everyone is doing the best they can do at the time.

One of my life lessons has been to let it go, let it be and let it lie.

How to Decaffeniate Tea Yourself - Easily

I cannot have caffeine, so have learned to decaf tea on my own. Whenever I mention this, people are curious about how to do it. So, I thought I'd share. It's quite easy.

Just brew your tea as normal, but leave it in only 30 seconds. Pour off that water, then pour hot water over your tea and brew as normal. Almost all the caffeine is now down the drain with the first brew that you've thrown out. It's as decaf as the commercially available "decaf" tea.

Bear in mind that you are getting minute amounts of caffeine even in what is labeled "decaf" in the store, and the same is true for what you decaf at home.

In a restaurant you can always ask for another cup and just brew the caffeine away in one cup then but the tea into a fresh cup to brew what you're going to drink. Of course, in tea places they will know, and in some places - like the tea house at the Portland Chinese Garden - they will do it for you. But, if you want to be sure you can always do it yourself.

Tea this weekend

This weekend I get to go to tea again, and I'm looking so forward to it. If you've read here for awhile you may remember my post from this time last year with the photos from the tea I went to. It's that tea that I'm going to this weekend.

Teresa is going this year, too. Susan has invited us to stay with her at her farm and Cynthia will be joining us for tea. It will be so good to see her again.

I am a huge fan of having tea. It's one of the few times people actually sit, have conversation, and just relax. Rarely a day goes by that I don't have some tea, even if it's just me. I love to use a real teapot and a nice china cup, although I do have some favorite mugs, too. (Scroll down a few entries to see my latest teacup find.)

There is a silent auction and table viewing an hour before tea started. Last year the tables were extraordinary. They're done by different people locally, each with its own theme. Businesses sponsored them and there was a wide variety of designs. I'm sure this year is going to be really neat once again. Here are some pix from last year.