Where a Dream became Real

I'm sitting in a booth at McPherson's Main Street Deli. It's the exact spot where Matthew and I sat some years ago and plotted out the Global Development Foundation on a napkin.

GDF was his brainchild, to do relief work in Honduras. He wanted to talk with me about it and on the spur of the moment we drove up to McPherson to get a sandwich. We talked and got excited by the possibilities.

I took a napkin and started writing down the names as we brainstormed. By the end of the night we had the name, a rough logo and the tag line of "We Change the World." The logo would say that in French and Spanish as well as English. And we had a mission - to do sustainable work. I would be the chair of the board and he would be the Executive Director. Somehow, over sandwiches and soup, it became real instead of just a thought. It took shape. And it "became," because Matthew made it happen. The next week I designed the logo and Matthew made business cards, and never looked back.

I don't remember when that was. But I remember the night. And I remember the conversation.

Like we all are at that stage of life, he was questioning what he should do, and what he could do. Only fools are overly confident in themselves at that stage of life, and Matthew was no fool.

At one point he asked me, "What if I fail?" I responded, "What if you do? If you really live life you're going to fail at things. You learn. You go on. You do better."  It was not wisdom talking, just experience. I was older than Matthew and had screwed up more than a few things by that point. (And more since.)

Matthew said he thought it was the right time for him to do something like move to Honduras to do relief work. He was young, about to graduate, and had nothing to prevent him from going.

He was worried that his mom would be disappointed by him not going on to graduate school. I assured him no mother would be upset by a son who wanted to truly do good works in the world. And not that I'm authorized to speak for his mother, but I'm confident she was proud of Matthew and his accomplishments, and he knew that.

And, of course, Matthew did go on to graduate school, after he lived in Honduras for awhile. He was there after Hurricane Mitch. He connected people and resources and accomplished much. When he and I went down there in 1999 it was easy to see that Matthew had made many friends in Honduras.

When we went to the clinic in El Ocotillo that the Global Development Foundation had helped establish, I was in awe. To say it was inspiring would be an understatment. I was honored to have had a tiny role in the whole thing, and it was tiny. It was Matthew and his force of personality that made it all happen.

What can you say about such an experience? Well, people are alive who would not be if Matthew Thompson hadn't touched their lives. You can say that with absolute certainty. Even in death, he was still helping people as his organs were donated.

It's funny how life works out sometimes. Who would have thought that a girl from rural Kentucky would be sitting in a deli in McPherson, Kansas having a conversation that would lead her to witness miracles in El Ocotillo, Honduras?

So, now, the night before Matthew's funeral, I've come to have a sandwich as my way to commemorate the work of the Global Development Foundation, which was an extention of Matthew. Yes, it was short lived. Yes, we didn't know what we were doing. Yes, we made some mistakes. But, Matthew did some good. Some serious good. Despite all that. And that clinic is still going strong - sustainable -  because of Lisa, who got there because of Matthew. I guess it's all the circle of life in many different ways.

A couple of years ago, Matthew told me he still had that napkin. I know it was because it was a turning point in his life - when something became more than a dream, because he had the courage to let it be.

So tonight, the evening before his funeral, I celebrate Matthew's life in a way maybe only I can. I feel priveledged to have been present at the birth of something so important. I'm thankful Matthew allowed me to bear witness.

Rest in Peace Matthew Thompson

If you're a lucky person, at some point you develop a relationship with someone who burns brightly in your life. You share a passion for life that may not be understood by others. For me, one of those people was my dear friend, Matthew.

Together we sought the labyrinth at Chartes and we walked the red light district of Amsterdam.We baked in the Honduran sun and we hunched against the cold wind at the Eiffel Tower. We hiked the Guatemalan jungle and marveled at the ancient footprints in Managua, Nicaragua. We laughed at the airport in El Salvador and at the train station in Brussels. We took trains, planes, automobiles, subways, taxis, trams and busses.

Inbetween we lay awake deep into the night and talked about things never spoken aloud except by travelers in hotel rooms in foreign lands. It was Matthew who looked into my being and stated the obvious that had been overlooked by everyone else. We bought matching jewelry to commemorate coming through difficult times and picked up rocks to remember happy times. We shared each other's joys and kept each other's secrets. I was never sure if either of us was traveling to find something or to forget something, or if it mattered.

Then a few years ago, life's journey brought Matthew to a place where he found something he wanted to stay still for - seminary and the boat he loved, and we didn't travel together anymore although we stayed in contact. Then about a year ago he married long time friend, Lora, and they have been on a journey together that seemed a happy one.

Matthew embarked on a new journey today as he passed from this world. I am so thankful for the time I shared in his bright light.
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It's Pumpkins

Today I went to the backyard and noticed the mass of pumpkin vines was not as big as it was when I was out there a few days ago. It was about 2/3 the size, and some leaves had turned brown. As I approached, I saw what these leaves had now revealed - pumpkins!

I'm not sure what I expected underneath the pumpkin vines, but there are pumpkins. I expected those eventually, but not yet. I have some that are orange, some green and some inbetween. I do not, however, have any watermelons or cantalopes, which I had planted in the same area. I guess this is survival of the fittest in action.

I'm not sure they will last until Halloween, which is why I planted pumpkins. I guess I'll just leave them be and see what happens. That's sort of my approach to gardening in a nutshell - put it in, give it some water and hope for the best.

Today was pretty nice here so I got the lawn mowed and took care of some other outside things. Unfortunately, those things never seem to get done either - just like housework. It's hard to get motivated to do them over and over again.

I could use one more weekend day to get things done. But, tomorrow will be a fun day at work. It's the 40th anniversary of the moon landing and we have a full day's worth of activities planned to commemorate the occasion. So, it will be interesting.
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Feeling Anti-social

I am feeling a bit anti-social these days. I'm not sure why, but I am. It has been going on for a little while now, and has reached its zenith the last few days.

I'm delighted to respond positively to people who seek me out, but I just can't be the one doing the arranging right now. I think part of it is that I just don't have the extra energy to put into relationships. It will return, I'm sure, but for the moment I just can't create opportunities.

I haven't had a day since I had surgery that I haven't been in pain to some degree and it's exhausting. It has been almost six months and it's getting really old. It's not intense pain, just minor, but it hasn't gone away completely. Most days it's very low-level, some days it's much more intense. There's a direct correlation between how active I am and how intense it is. It seems almost muscular, only in my pelvis. I had a CT scan Friday so hopefully I'll know more next week. I don't think it's anything serious at all, and it may just be healing time, but it is wearing me out.

I don't discuss such things much - it's not very interesting conversation, and there's nothing anyone can do for it anyway. But it becomes an issue when people pressure me to do things that I know will cause me pain. Maybe that's another reason I'm just doing more avoiding. I don't want to have to explain that I can't go do something that's going to involve me getting in and out of the car three dozen times or I'll really be hurting. I can't drive for long distances because being bent over like that causes pain. I'm missing my high school reunion this weekend because I just couldn't drive that far. I can't stand for long periods on concrete - like for shopping - without being in pain. So, I am judicious when doing those things.

I've also learned to compensate. When I'm having people over I stretch the preparations out. I pick up the house one night, or maybe two, because bending hurts; I wash the dishes and set them out another night; I bake another night; I pick flowers that morning so all I have to do that night after work is get the drinks made and the food put on plates. I've been doing it this way for months. I keep thinking it will get easier, and I'm sure it will, but I need to call a halt to such things until it is better, instead of believing by the next thing I have scheduled it will be normal.

Of course, it's always worth the effort to sit and enjoy time with friends when they're gathered around. But I think I'm going to have to put plans on hold for other events  I've been thinking about until I feel more normal. I'm limiting my social activities other than going out to dinner or something like that, to things I can easily accomplish.

I'm starting to be concerned I'm not going to be able to do Christmas the way I love to do it. It will break my heart a little bit if I can't celebrate that way this year when I have so much to be thankful for, but whatever will be, will be. At this point doing Christmas decorating the way I love it would require a lot of help from other people to get it set up and broken down, and I just can't ask that. I had to have help breaking it down this year - I don't know what I would have done without Greg, Barbara and Cleta.

This year - at least the first half of it - has required much of me and my mental state. Some of that is very positive - learning the new job for example. And some was much more taxing, but required me to move past it quickly to keep a positive attitude. I remember one January day turning onto A Street from Poplar, watching the snow fall, and thinking it might be the last time I would ever see snow. It was one of only two times I broke down between diagnosis and surgery. The other was one night in my office, when I could see Greg in the living room. I knew he was reading all he could about ovarian cancer, and I knew how much of a toll my situation was taking on him.

I haven't even had a chance to grieve the losses of this year yet. I'm afraid to even think about it too much, lest I get stuck in a downward spiral. I've just tried to focus on the positives, which are numerous.

Maybe the most important thing for me to remember going into the last half of the year is to not borrow sorrow from tomorrow.
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Rest in Peace Walter Cronkite

I grew up with Walter Cronkite. From the time I can remember he was there every night. He retired when I was studying journalism in college. We all watched his last broadcast. It was a milestone.

A couple of years later, some friends were in Florida on spring break and bumped into him. They came back to school with stories of how wonderful he was - charming, pleasant and encouraging to those budding journalists. It's always great to learn one of your icons is worthy of your hero-worship.

Cronkite's defining moments as an anchor were when JFK died, when we landed on the moon, and when he was one of the reasons we left Vietnam. I was too young to remember JFK's death but have seen that footage many times. I was still young enough at the moon landing that I don't remember that specific moment with Cronkite, but have seen it replayed many times. I was too young to understand Vietnam and all that it meant.

But, I remember Walter Cronkite. And I always will.
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Whirlwind of Activity

Last night I went to see Ellen Goodman speak in Lindsborg. She was there as part of the Women's Attorneys in Kansas Group. I would have completely missed it if Kris hadn't mentioned it to me.

Her speech was mostly about the role of women and how it has changed over the years. She writes about that extensively.

My favorite of her books is "I know just what you mean" about her relationship with her best friend. I wish I had thought to take my copy and have her sign it but I didn't. Pity because there was plenty of time to do that.

I saw Trish there but just visited with her briefly. Obviously, when you're in a group like that you want to visit with the folks you don't get to see but once a year, so I didn't want to monopolize her time.

The last week or so has been busy.

Last Friday, astronaut and moonwalker, Charlie Duke was at the Cosmosphere for a presentation. He was supposed to be there for a 4:15 press conference, and then do the evening events. But, his flight was delayed.

Yes, I know, ironic that an astronaut was waiting on a flight. NASA can get him to the moon and back safely, and the airlines can't get him from Dallas to Wichita on time.

But, the press conference went on anyway.

We had a good turn out and I was thankful because I had spent most of my time working on those sorts of things.

He was at a reception and then spoke to a large group. Afterwards he signed books and other items for folks.

It was a good day/night, but a long one for me. I went to work about 7:30 that morning and by the time the day was done and a few of us had gotten some food it was after midnight.But a lot was accomplished.

Yesterday morning was Coffee at the Cosmosphere. Chris does this every month on the third Thursday. There's a different topic each time, and they show artifacts that illustrate the story. People get a chance to come up afterwards and look at them up close.

Yesterday's topic was the Apollo 11 Moon Landing, because the 40th anniversary of them landing is on Monday. They launched on the 16th, so it was perfect timing for the regular Thursday event.

 

Chris is very comfortable talking to groups and the media, and is very articulate off the cuff - in short he's a PR person's dream. Yesterday he did the coffee. Today he did a TV interview. Monday he'll do a radio interview. I love it that he's so willing to jump right in.

I haven't gotten around to sharing photos of space journalist Andrew Chaikin or astronuat Joe Engle, who were here earlier.

Andrew Chaikin has authored multiple books about the space program. He was a really personable guy, and you could tell he truly loves his work.



I enjoyed meeting him a great deal.

Just a few days later, we hosted Astronaut Joe Engle. He was the grand marshal in the Fourth of July parade, and the night before he spoke to a very large crowd. It was great to see so many folks who came out to enjoy his presentation.



I, unfortunately, did not get to hear a word he said. There were lots of folks and not another square inch of space for me to stand in. Plus, we were busy preparing for the signing afterwards. But it was great to see so many folks out.  Greg took this photo, as well as the one of Chaikin.

Meanwhile, life away from work and events is going on and has its up and downs. I guess it's that way for everyone.
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Finding a Way Through

Coming home tonight I was treated to a rainbow stretching across the sky. By the time I was able to get a photo of it, it was all gone but a little slice. Nonetheless, it's a beautiful sight.

I am witness these days to some things that break my heart, but that I am powerless to change.

One is a situation where someone just doesn't have the experience or knowledge to negotiate a political difficulty. Within that dynamic I recognize someone who's acting from a mixture of too much insecurity and too little awareness. The result is not pleasant. It's painful to watch but there is nothing that can stop the inevitable conclusion of this scenario.

I feel for those involved because I've been every one of them at one time or another. I've been the insecure person acting far more confident than I felt, and coming off harsh, because no one could see beyond the exterior. I've been the one caught in the wake of that, who isn't necessarily making perfect choices, but would probably be doing better left to my own devices if I were motivated enough, which remains a big question. I've also been the one along for the ride, seeing where it was going to go - never committing enough that I had anything serious at risk, but hoping I'd gather some crumbs if things went well.

None of those is a good place to be, but it seems we all have to live in every one of those spaces for awhile.Once things are set into motion there isn't much stopping it. And these aren't lessons you can learn except by slogging through them..

Actually, I think you can learn them but it requires being born into a situation where you can benefit from the experience of someone you love dearly, who is using their hard fought for knowledge by facing the same situation over and over again and conquering it because they've learned from their earlier circumstances. Few of us have that opportunity, because most people just find a way out, not a way through.

I've done both in my life - found a way out and found a way through. I can't say one is better than the other. Sometimes it's worthwhile to find a way through and learn the life lesson being taught. Sometimes the life lesson is to get out.

I've been the recipient of much grace while existing in similar circumstances and will be forever grateful. Perhaps this is my chance to repay that and extend understanding. If only I knew how to do that.
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Quote of the Day

"The story - from Rumplestiltskin to 'War and Peace' - is one of the basic tools invented by the human mind for the purpose of understanding.

There have been great societies that did not use the wheel, but there have been no societies that did not tell stories."
                                                                    Ursula K. Le Guin
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Devotion to a Cause

I'm searching for the word or phrase that describes the phenomenon where someone is devoted to one particular cause or viewpoint, and that everything they say/do relates to it. What would that be called?

For example, someone could say, "it's a beautiful day." And the person devoted to their cause - positive or negative - would say, "yes, it's a pity that people who are homeless/fundamentalist/gay/sexually abused/poor/democrats/women/fill-in-the-blank can't ever enjoy a beautiful day because of their persecution/trauma/difficulties/thought processes/fill-in-the-blank."

It's not that I am unfeeling for the plight of the less fortunate, or don't want everyone to have a fair shake in this world. I think anyone who knows me would say I'm pretty compassionate. But I can't have it be the overriding, driving force every moment of every day. And I can't have it be every interaction I have with someone.

Sometimes I just don't always agree that there's a problem. For example, I've been in the work force for a long time and I can't say being a woman has ever been an issue. I get that it was. I get that I'm to be thankful for those who came before me, and I am, but progress means to move on - to go beyond. Can we please move on now? Please? I don't want to forget. I just want to move ahead without being weighed down by having to drag the past along behind me every moment of every day.

I find myself not wanting to engage with people who have a "cause," because everything you say/do is a minefield. You can't even exchange pleasantries about the weather without having the connection between the rain and the narrow mindedness of the world with regard to rain pointed out to you. I can make up my own mind, thank you very much.

Although I know it's hard for people to fathom, just because I'm a liberal does not mean I think all republicans are evil. I can be pro choice and think of abortion as an abomination at the same time. I can feel for the abused without believing it wise to identify yourself as a "survivor." I do not believe all fundamentalists are small minded, narrow thinkers. I do not believe liberal thinkers have it all figured out. People are far more complex than to be boiled down to only one viewpoint. Except, it seems, for people who are devoted to their "cause," whatever it may be.

At the same time, I recognize this is a wonderful quality to have in an activist. I applaud the efforts, but I don't want to be involved. And this is something I think people don't get. Your blind devotion to your cause - to the exclusion of all else, making every interaction about your cause - makes me want to run away. And I'm not the only one. If I don't want to engage with you on any level, so it's going to be hard to convince me of your viewpoint.

I also always have the feeling that because I'm not willing to be actively involved in whatever the cause is means I'm viewed as an inferior, unfeeling, unintelligent human being. I just don't need that in my life.
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Looking Out My Back Door

This spring I decided to kill lots of the grass in my backyard so I could plant more flowers and veggies and herbs. I hate mowing the grass, so it seemed like a good thing to do - less grass, more goodies.



So, between my house and garage is largely plants. The mass of green in the middle is pumpkin vines. The flowers are to the left, the herbs to the right, and tomatoes all across the back and behind the herbs.



I've never grown pumpkins before - they are prolific!



I'm hoping more viney things grow up on the fence yet.



For the first time ever I have enough flowers to pick to bring in and have fresh flowers inside all the time. I've been taking some to the office every week to brighten it up in there.



Sharon gave me those salmon colored zinnas, but I grew almost all of these flowers from seed. I'm quite proud of myself for that. I love the verbena and zinnas for cut flowers. The salvia doesn't work well, unfortunately. It wilts almost immediately. But it looks nice in the garden.

I love the hodge-podge, everything growing in a pile, look.
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Epiphanies Come At the Oddest Times

I have had a very relaxed day, which I needed. It seems the last 6-8 weeks I've not had any time when I wasn't rushed for one reason or another. I even took a nap today - something almost unheard of for me. Maybe once a year I take a nap.

One of the things I did accomplish today was putting together more of the kitchen from washing everything in the cabinets and drawers. I had a little epiphany while I was putting the silverware away. One of the reasons I don't find time for housework sorts of things is that I don't think of them as very productive. They are never done. You just have to keep doing them over and over and over again. The same things. To no end.

I've always wondered what the deal is with me and housework because, frankly, I don't mind the actual work at all. That's not the problem. Actually, I kind of enjoy some parts of it - it has a beginning, middle and end, and you can see progress. But I mind the time it takes. That seems to be a theme for my life - I don't mind the work, but I mind the time.

Why is that? Well, I think of time as very, very precious. A truly vanishing commodity as each moment lived is a moment less we have to experience.

I'm almost always doing something - generally something productive - at least in my sense of what's productive. But, I never just sit around and "relax." I'm not even sure what that means. To me it sounds like another word for doing nothing, which means you would be producing nothing.

I do understand the idea of having to have time to think. But when I'm doing that I generally have a pen and paper at hand so I can write down ideas that pop up. Or I do that when I'm driving. I'm also fortunate that the way my brain works I can have a whole track devoted to thinking about various things while I'm doing something else.

There are things I love to do that I simply don't allow myself a lot of time for. I love to take long baths, but never do unless I have something to read or write that I can do while in there soaking. I love to bake, but rarely do unless I'm having guests. Maybe now that I have coworkers again I can take baked goods into the office.



At the same time, I love it when my house is tidy - I just don't love it enough to spend the time to make it that way. Once a year at Christmas I have things pretty clean. Of course, the time I spend doing Christmas is something many people would consider not very productive. But it feeds my soul, and that is a necessity.
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The day

I worked from 8 this morning until about 10:30 tonight, with no break. But, it was a successful day.

We had astronaut Charlie Duke in for a members only presentation. There was a press conference at 4:15, then a reception at 6:30 and a presentation at 7:30.

Unfortunately, they cancelled his flight and he didn't arrive in Wichita until 5. So, he wasn't there for the press conference, but made the other events. It was a frantic day for me, but things went well. He was charming and funny and gracious.

Afterwards, a few of us went out to get some dinner and I'm just now home. And not long out of the bed. I'm a tired pup, but excited by some possibilities that opened up tonight. I'll write more... after I sleep for a bit.
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Embracing the New

I took this photo at Sharon's house the other day. This is what a flower grown by a landscaper looks like. I felt the need to offer that disclaimer in case you thought I had grown a perfect flower like this. That is not the case.

It's a beautiful night here this evening. There are storms just a few miles away from us but we've had no rain at all. But it has cooled off and it's just lovely. I've spent the night working on things around my house. I'm having folks over tomorrow night for the ad hoc book group and there is no way my house is going to be as tidy as I'd like. But, so it goes.

I've never felt the need for my house to be pristine before having guests. If I did, I'd never have guests. I seem to always have something in process. At the moment it's going through my office and cleaning all my kitchen cabinets. The room between them is the dining room. Guess where stuff is piled? So, I'll set up a card table in the living room, put a table cloth on it and put the cold drinks in there. I had planned to bake something but I'm not sure I'm going to do that. I doubt anyone is going to want anything as hot as it is going to be tomorrow. And I'm not sure heating up my house is a good idea either.

I'm feeling a real shift in my life these days. It's more than just having a new job. Things are shifting in a major way. I was thinking about this early today and then on twitter someone sent part of this quote, which I love.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. 
                                Alan Cohen

I don't know how much courage it takes to embrace the new, but I certainly believe there is power in change. "Courage" is sometimes another way of saying "inevitable." But I suppose there is a difference in being swept along by the inevitable, and embracing the new.

Sometimes I read - or very occasionally write - a phrase that stays with me. "Embracing the new" is one of those, I'm sure. It's such a lovely turn of phrase.

I think I'm a person who embraces the new. It's exciting to meet new people, learn new things and go new places. And it seems my life offers plenty of opportunity for newness.

My friend, Leah, used to say, "your life is weird. I know you don't do anything to make your life weird, but it's weird." I'm not sure if that's true, but my life does seem to have many moments of wonder, for which I'm grateful.
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Day and Night

I need more hours in the day and night to get everything done. I've been awake since 4:21 this morning. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. Now it's 12:20 and too late for me to get to bed really early for tonight.

After work I ran home and did some laundry and changed clothes, then met Kelly at Skaets for a burger. It was great to visit with her. It's the first time we've had a meal together, but I hope not the last.

While I was there Sharon called to ask about some work I'd told her I'd help with so I went straight to her house for that. Got home about 9:30 and have been working on other things since then. But I've gotten some things crossed off my list that I'm so happy to be done with.

I just need to find some time, somewhere in my day and night, to rest. There just never seems to be any time for that. Of course, there doesn't seem to be time for cleaning house either. I still have dishes on top of the dining room table from cleaning out all the cabinets. I'm having people over Thursday night and I think there are still going to be dishes all over the dining room table. I just can't seem to find enough time to do everything that needs doing. I'll just bake something and hope that distracts people.
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I Lead a Charmed Life

I had the day off today and had big plans for it. Unfortunately, things did not go exactly as I had planned. My intention had been to finish some deep cleaning I've been doing in the kitchen and going through some things piled in the dining room, and generally getting my house in better shape..

But, it didn't go quite that way because I had a problem with the house. But, some hours later, after an electrician's visit, and who knows how many hundreds of dollars, the problem is solved. And I'm feeling incredibly fortunate that I was here, and that Zenor could send Chris over. I'm sorry to learn that Dennis, who has worked on my house since I've owned it, has retired. But Chris did a good job and I'm so happy he could come today.

I'm overwhelmed with things in my house that need organizing, cleaning or both. When do people have time to get all those things done? The last time I remember my world being really organized was when I was in college. That was a long time ago. A very long time ago.

I suppose if I spent less time "living" and more time cleaning it would get done, but I want a life so I can do things like go for walks at Sandhills, where I took that photo this weekend. Mark, Greg and I went out there Sunday afternoon for a walk. It was a spur of the moment decision and it was nice, other than the blood letting that occurred from the zillions of mosquitoes.

It was a nice weekend with Mia, Greg, Mark, Sharon and I hanging out and seeing fireworks and generally soaking up the Fourth of July Fun.
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Fourth of July Parade

If you can look at that picture and not feel good about apple pie, mom, and the good ole US of A there's something wrong with you. I'm sorry but there's just no other way to put it.

As I'm sure you've guessed, this was taken during the Fourth of July parade in Hutchinson yesterday. This dad and daughter were a few feet away from me and I couldn't resist the Americana moments.

One thing I love about the Fourth is that people dress up in their festive best. This little girl has stars on her dress, and even dad is wearing red.

Some people take it up a notch. I would call this a bold choice, but ever so appropriate.



This girl was mulling over her choice.



This young lady had gone for the understated look with only a head scarf.



The other reason I choose this photo of her is because of the tractors in the background. This is an agricultural area, so we always have antique tractors in the parade, which I think is just darned cool. But I loved that this guy took it a step further. Remember this when you've got extra tractors - you use one to pull two more on a flatbed. Now that is good old fashioned, American ingenuity at work.

The Hutchinson parade has an antique horse-drawn hearse, antique tractor trailers and antique cars.



But we also like to start them young.



Then there are cars you don't expect, including this art car courtesy of the Hutchinson Public Library.



There are also people you don't expect in a parade. Like this one.



You might assume he was with the animal shelter folks you see behind him, but he wasn't. He was with the float in front of him, which was for a local exercise place. Why he's wearing a gorilla mask, I'm not sure, but I bet he's glad it was cooler yesterday than it was last week.

Of course, there are also people you expect to see in a Fourth of July Parade, like those waving flags.



That's Nancy closest to us and Trish in the middle. They were marching with the Reno County Democrats. I just love the way Nancy's flag is waving.

The coolest float was definitely the Cosmosphere's, with Astronaut Joe Engle as Grand Marshal.



And I'm not saying that just because I have a vested interest. I mean just look at it - it's cool.

The parade was a beautiful piece of Americana, as it usually is. I felt the need for some apple pie, but missing that, we had some Roy's barbecue.



Finally, ladies and gentleman, I would like to show you a picture of a real man. That's him, right there - a true American hero - a dad who's not afraid to carry his daughter's pink sparkly purse full of candy gathered during the Fourth of July parade, so she can hold her flag. He's secure in himself. He's confident with it.

I admire parents, especially really good ones. What's more Americana than a good dad? Not much I can think of.
________________

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Issues

I've got some computer issues but regular blogging will resume shortly!

Patsy
www.patsyterrell.com
sent from mobile device

Scenes of the Day

I'm really happy with how my front flower bed looks this year. This is due in large part to Releaf Landscapes. Sharon and her crew cleaned it out for me early in the season and they've weeded for me a couple of times, too. I'm the first to confess that I'm a heat wimp and when it gets hot I retreat to the air conditioning and leave the plants to fend for themselves.

I have a timer in the front and one in the back so they get water every day. But, beyond that, I'm kind of neglectful once it's hot. But, at the moment things are looking nice. I need more blue in the front, and more white spread out. I didn't know what color the cosmos were when I put them in and I happened to get one of the two white ones right near the white rose bush.

Oh well... so it goes...

Many of these are from seeds I started this year. For the first time I think I have enough plants to pick them and bring them inside. I have quite a few growing in the backyard, too. I'll try to get some photos back there soon, too.

I've killed a large part of the grass, and put in garden instead. I've expanded the herb garden, have a few veggies growing and lots of tomatoes. I had my first ripe tomato off the vine today. Yummy! I have put in more than two dozen tomato plants so I should plenty of those as the summer goes on.

I hope I'll be able to foist some off on my new coworkers if I become too over run. We'll see. Maybe I'll have to get a booth at the farmer's market. Okay, lets face it, that's not likely to happen - me up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday with freshly picked produce. Lets just enjoy the fantasy of that for a moment and then let it go to never never land where it shall forever remain.

I have enough flowers that I can take some into the office, too, which really brightens things up.



I worked late today to finish up a project that volunteers are helping with. I needed to finish some things on my end so they can do their work and I didn't want to leave without having that done.

Right before I left, I snapped a photo of my desk with the to-do lists laid out for tomorrow. We have an event tomorrow night (free to the public presentation by Astronaut Joe Engle at 7 p.m.) so I'm working tomorrow and taking Monday off for the holiday.

I'm not generally a very neat person when it comes to such things. My desk at home is piled - and I do mean piled. The difference at work is that I have enough desk/table space to spread things out. We'll see if that maintains as more and more stuff comes into my work world.

I always find it interesting how other people work. I have a friend who hates making lists. I can't imagine getting through my day - work or personal - without a list.



I keep two lists. When it gets messy I rewrite it. Today was the first day for this list. Unfortunately, I didn't cross off enough stuff today that I needed to make a new one. sigh...
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Dreaming with Lavender

My plan for tonight is to drift off with the scent of fresh lavender coming from the bedside table. I picked some from the garden tonight with just that in mind.

It has been a long day. I worked all day, then did qi gong and then went to the other office and worked there until about eight tonight. I still had more things to sort through but I needed to get home and finish the last bit of mowing it got too dark to do the other night.

Friends are coming for the weekend so I need to work on the house a bit. It's just not at all comfy for people to hang out at the moment - too much stuff in too many places. I had hoped to work on it some tonight but there wasn't time once I'd done the other "had to do" things.

This is shaping up to be a very busy summer, and the garden hasn't even started coming in yet. I must make time for fresh tomato basil soup and eggplant parmesan - two of my favorite, right out of the garden things. But the only ingredient I have so far is basil. So it will be a little while on that.

Life is good. Just busy. But good. The days are full, but interesting.

I am eager to settle into a routine that will allow me more time for "life" things. It will happen - this is just the transition time.

Well, time for me to take my lavender and go upstairs. Maybe this will bring even more interesting dreams.

I've been keeping a dream journal since the writing workshop. Nothing earth shattering so far, but I'll keep you posted. Lavender is supposed to be very relaxing. Maybe tonight I'll have a breakthrough dream.
________________

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Fabric Store a Misnomer

I went to Wichita tonight to go to a fabric store. I did this because, not surprisingly, I wanted to buy some fabric for a skirt. And there is no fabric store in Hutchinson anymore. There's not one in Wichita either, in the sense of there being a store where you would go to purchase cloth off of bolts.

Fabric stores no longer sell fabric. As best I can tell they mostly sell scrapbooking supplies, which I have begun to think of as a scourge because they keep taking up shelf space where things I want to buy used to be. Everyone from Wal-mart to unique boutiques have the de rigeur scrapbooking section. Okay, I like the funky scissors. I have them all. I'm over it. Surely practically everyone on the planet who wants them has the funky scissors now. Please, stop. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of paisley printed origami in waiting.

As I wandered the aisles of the fabric stores - past the garden knick knacks, the plain wooden birdhouses begging for craft paint, and other assorted goods that had nothing to do with fabric, I was struck by the similarities of fabric stores to book stores.

Why, you may ask? Because, book stores no longer sell books. Have you noticed that? They sell DVDs, coffee and keychains.

I don't buy DVDs and I don't buy scrapbooking supplies, but I think it's just wonderful for other people to do so. However, could you clue me in before I drive an hour? If you called it a "scrapbooking store" or a "DVD store" then I'd know it wasn't of interest to me. But when you call it a fabric store or a book store I expect you to vend those products.

I'm silly that way.
________________

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Road of Life

We often talk about life as a journey. It's a time tested metaphor.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. In Kansas we have lots of very straight roads, with a vanishing point on the horizon that seems like a straight shot. But, even those roads are full of bumps. And ruts.

Why is it so easy to get into a rut? The more you sink into it, the less you can move side to side, and the less chance you have of ever getting out of it. There's some comfort in the rut. You know what to expect, and you can judge it safe because it's where many before you have traveled, and where you seem destined to go.

When you do make a break for the high road beside the rut, it's a bumpy ride. There may be some slips and sides back into the rut, and you're messing with it for the other folks who have been your traveling companions there. You may be creating new paths out of the rut but you can also be smashing down the edges in places, making the rut even more restrictive.

It can take awhile to get on solid ground, where things are smooth again. Then, what happens, unless you keep seeking new ground? You make a new rut.

This seems to be one of the cycles of life, metaphor or not. I guess the trick is how to figure out when you're in a rut and when you're just content. They sound very different, don't they? Yet, it seems they would share many similarities.

I hope you didn't expect me to have an answer. I just have questions. Always questions.
________________

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Writer's Workshop

I spent the weekend in Emporia at a writer's workshop. Max McCoy, standing, is the organizer. Other faculty this year included Jon Chandler, Johnny Boggs, and Antonia Felix.

I was fortunate enough to get a critique of the first bit of my novel. Last year Max read it, this year Antonia. Both had great suggestions. Both were very positive.

I feel like the novel is in better shape than I had thought before the weekend. I just need some uninterrupted time to work on it. Sometimes justifying the time spent on writing is a bit difficult. One of these days I'll know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and I'll get about doing it. But I guess that day is not today.

________________

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Inspiring Day

I have had an inspiring day, listening to authors and songwriters talk about their process.

There's something magic about being around other creative sorts. I want a writer's group in Hutchinson. But, I've made two attempts to start one, without accomplishing it. Maybe I need to look for one in Wichita, or maybe I need to spend that time writing instead.

My novel is at a place where I need to rewrite a few chapters and then I think I've done about as much as I can do without an editor, who can give me specific advice.

The day was filled with great success stories. Those are wonderful to hear. It makes me so happy for those writers.

The day ended with a beautiful sunset - a perfect ending to an inspiring day.

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Harvest on the Prairie

Harvest time has arrived on the prairie. Fields everywhere are dotted with combines and elevators have long lines of trucks waiting to unload.

One of the differences here on the prairie, as opposed to the farming I was familiar with in the south, is that here the evening meal is carried out to the field. When I was growing up, generally the big meal was at noon and workers came to the house to eat and rest a bit. Here the farm wives, or others, will take food out to the fields so the workers stop only briefly. It's just a different way of doing things.

I have always wanted to participate in this ritual, just because it's different than what I am used to. However, as much as I hate "the toting" when I'm doing any food related event, I doubt I'd want to make a lifestyle of it. Maybe I could just send some baked goods out to the field with someone. That seems a bit more my speed after all.



There is something satisfying about this time of year in Kansas. The seasons and crops seem to cross here, leaving strips of dried prairie grass, bright green, and recently cut golden in the fields. It's like an abstract painting and part of me desperately wants to see what happens when I drag a paint brush from top to bottom, mixing and marbling the colors. What color blue would I get from that green and yellow?

I'm enjoying the new job. It's a fun job when your email can include things like going to a meeting about a new exhibit. I don't seem to mind meetings now.

Of course, the 40th anniversary of the Apollo mission where man walked on the moon for the first time is July 20. So, today we were looking at some materials they used in an exhibit 10 years ago and deciding what to do for this anniversary. I asked if I could take a photo to share because I think it's just so cool looking to see historic images spread out like that.



It's fun to have such things as part of the work day. Next week I'll be posting more about this on their blog but I didn't have time to work with the photos during the work day today so am just now getting to look at them. Very cool. Very fun.

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Icons Gone

It has been a rough week for icons.

I remember sitting up way too late when I was in grade school, watching Johnny Carson. Hearing "Here's Johnny," signaled the beginning of my evening when I could enjoy some alone time and late night TV. Even then I wasn't a good sleeper. My mom eventually gave up trying to make me sleep and let me go - as long as I got up the next morning. Johnny Carson was a staple of my childhood. And there by his side, always, was Ed. It was the ultimate friendship played out before our eyes every night. Ed went on to other gigs, but he will always remain the best friend.

When Farrah Fawcett came on the scene as one of Charlie's Angels, she was a phenomenon. Anyone my age - male or female - remembers the famous poster and the famous hair. Many of us had "feathered" hair and there was one reason - Farrah. Of course, while most of us could get some semblance of the hair, the flawless face and body didn't come with it. Pity. After leaving the show, she shut up the critics by demonstrating she was more than a body and showed off her acting talent.

Michael Jackson was an innovator in the music business. Thriller remains one of the most successful videos ever made. People said it was ridiculous, that it wouldn't get played because it was too long. I tuned in to watch the world premiere of it and so did millions of others. And every time I catch it, I stop and watch it because it's good. And dozens of other songs and videos are good too. Michael has had more than his share of troubles - I don't know what did or didn't happen - but he always seemed like a man who wanted to have a childhood a few decades too late. It's a shame he didn't get to have one as a child.

Anyone who's a child of the 70s and says they don't remember these three is lying.  We've all heard "Here's Johnny," we've all seen the poster, we can all hum a Michael Jackson tune. They all influenced our times - good or bad.

Loss of a public figure reminds us all of our own mortality. Sometimes we just don't care to be reminded of that, thank you very much. But, nonetheless, there it is. People are moaning why we're not spending time on twitter and facebook and elsewhere talking about North Korea and Iran and the wars. It's because those are nebulous threats to our existence. Getting cancer or dying unexpectedly with no warning are much more real. People feel a need to process. Good grief, let them process.

And, please, just for a change of pace, have a little respect. Regardless of what you thought of any of these people, let those who loved them from near and far have some time to grieve.

Ed - thanks for the laughs, Farrah - thanks for the style, Michael - thanks for the music.
________________

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Settling in

The air conditioning in my office was working well, today. Thank goodness. The Cosmosphere was hit during storms recently and the AC has been up and down in various parts of the building since then. Last week the offices were cool in our section, but it was warm elsewhere. Saturday everything seemed to be functioning.

We had an event Saturday and when I left about noon I turned my office AC so it wouldn't come on too much since I was going to be working for the MHA on Monday. Unfortunately, Monday afternoon about 4 the AC went down. So, when I arrived Tuesday morning it was toasty in my office. Very toasty. We had an appointment in Wichita so we left about 9 and when we got back about 2:30 it was better in there. I certainly wasn't cold, but I was pretty comfy. Early in the day Greg brought me a fan, which was a big help.

I'm settling into things at the Cosmosphere. The problem with starting any new job is that you're already behind when you start because there has been a gap between people where things have piled up. Also, you're just learning how to do everything. Even the simplest of things have to be explained because every place has its own culture and when you're the new person you're trying to figure all that out.

At the Cosmosphere there are tons of different things going on, and each one has its own materials, timeframe, etc., so I'm definitely in learning mode. Fortunately, Marisa and Michele have been very patient with me as I ask a million and one questions every day.

At home I've been working on all my side jobs and the garden. I put some pumpkin vines in this year and I'm starting to fear them. They grow - visibly - every day. So, I go out every day and move the vines to try and get them to grow in a certain direction. On Saturday, I moved them that morning and by that evening they had grown back across the walkway.

This weekend I'm attending a writer's workshop, but after that I hope to get a bit of a handle on my life at home. It is a bit out of control. I worked on things all weekend but didn't get done by a long shot. Why does it seem something is always out of control? I do not know how some people seem to always have everything under control.

I get a tremendous amount of things done in the average day, but there's always something that's undone. I guess maybe I need to do fewer things. But, I like to clean all my cabinets out once a year and wash all the dishes, and I like to have a garden, and I like to write a cookbook column every month, and I like to play in the art studio, and I like to do qi gong (today was the first day I could in awhile!), and I like to teach people social networking, and I like to fill-in-the-blank. There just don't seem to be quite enough hours in every day/night cycle to get it all done.
________________

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Twists and Turns

Life is full of twists and turns. Some of them we can see coming and some are complete surprises. Regardless of how they arrive, we have no way to see around the bend. We just have to forge on ahead and hope for the best.

Every few years I seem to go through a period of tremendous change. Some say we go through a "recycling" every seven years. I'm not exactly on that schedule, but I'm not far off of it either.

From April of 2001 to March of 2002 I had tremendous change - my mother died, and less than a month earlier one of my best friends had been found dead in her house. I left a job I'd had a very long time and started a whole new career. I bought my first house, and moved, leaving an apartment I'd lived in a long time. It was a lot for 11 months.

This year seems to be on track for a lot of change, too. I hope the year brings only positive changes. I'm open to fun, happiness, contentment, joy and delight. Very open.
________________

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Creative Sisterhood and Really Listening

Tonight was Creative Sisterhood. Virginia wasn't able to be here but the rest of us gathered. It was a different kind of night, but good.

I am continually being reminded these days that listening is important. How often in life do you feel like you're really being heard? I'm guessing it's less often than you would like. Creative Sisterhood is always an opportunity to be heard, and to listen.

Sometimes our most important role is to listen - really listen. Way back when, when I was learning to be a journalist, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from University of Kentucky professor, Maria Braden. The advice was to always be listening to the answer someone gave you during an interview, instead of forming your next question. It's a difficult thing to do when you feel you'll be judged on the quality of your questions.

In various jobs I had - in TV, radio and print - multiple people complimented my interviewing skills. I wanted to take credit, as if I had invented some new way of asking questions. But I knew it was just because Maria Braden lived in my head, gently shaking her finger at me when I had the urge to jump in with another question too soon.

When you really listen, occasionally you hear a barely perceptible hesitation when a person is deciding if they should give voice to a story that hasn't been told until that moment. It's an honor to bear witness to that. And it only happens when you listen. Really, really listen. And pause.

There have been times I was holding my breath in those pauses, waiting for what was next, hoping I was capable of doing justice to the story being formed. When people tell their real stories, they share their souls, something that must be treated with respect.

One of the things I've learned, that I would share with students if I were in the position Maria Braden was, is that people have sometimes been wanting to tell their stories for a very long time. They've just been waiting for someone who would listen. Really listen.
________________

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Ten Ways to Be Happier Today

Ten Ways to Be Happier

1. Find joy in the simplest of things.
Bumping into an old friend, having a fabulous conversation, getting a great parking place on a busy afternoon, or finding a new treasure at Goodwill can all give me a happiness boost.
2. Appreciate good things consciously.
When good things happen take time to consciously appreciate them - not to just accept them and brush them off.
3. Count your blessings.
Get a notebook and write down three things about today you're grateful for. If you can't think of anything consider you have a pen and paper and you're able to write. That alone means you have some material comforts and your brain and body are functioning. Do not take these things for granted. (See #2.)
4. Quiet time.
You will never find the answers to life's questions if you can't even hear the questions. We all need quiet time to think, to meditate, to contemplate. Insist on it.
5. Decide to be happy.
I am blessed to be happy most of the time. Does that mean everything is going perfectly in my life? No. Absolutely not. It means I choose to react to things in the most positive way I can find. It means I make a conscious decision every single day - sometimes every single hour of the day - to look for happiness.
6. Forgive.
If you're going through your life holding a grudge, harboring ill will, or with a chip on your shoulder you're never going to be happy. Let it go. Things are the way they are. Not even God changes the past.
7. Say no.
"No" is a complete sentence. It does not require justification or explanation. If you learn to say no, you protect yourself from committing to things you don't want to do.
8 Do what makes you happy.
Sounds simple enough, but how often do you do what you really want to do? Exactly. Make time to do it more. The floor can wait to be mopped. Really.
9 Invite friends over.
People who have friends are happier. Engaging with friends face to face releases all kinds of stress-relieving chemicals we don't get any other way.
10. Don't wait for someone else to make you happy.
It's a losing proposition to wait for someone else to make you happy. Get about creating your own happiness. Today. Now.
________________

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Grounding, Gratitude and Going Forward

I'm feeling contemplative these days. The year is not even half over and I've run a gamut of emotions since we flipped the calendar. I need some grounding, and it is out of my reach at the moment.

One of my Top Ten Rules for Living is that when you've lost your way in the world, you have to return to something that grounds you. When there you can reset your compass and go forth into the world again.

I have some things that always ground me. I'm grounded by going to Kentucky and seeing "my people," and going to the confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers near Cairo, Illinois. Unfortunately, I just can't make that long of a trip yet. I haven't been on a trip longer than to Joplin - less than five hours - at a time since surgery. Certain things are still painful and sitting upright in a car for extended periods is one of them. So, that's not an option yet.

There are other things that really ground me, too. But, for various reasons, spending extended periods of time with any of those is not an option right now, either.

So, where does that leave me? A bit dazed, out of sorts, unsteady, uncertain and uneasy. And what to do about that? Deal with it. Nothing else I can do. I'm spending more time in meditation these days, seeking internal grounding. I've also been writing more with pen and paper, which is different than the writing I do here.

This is not a "poor me," whiney post. I wake up every day grateful to be alive. Literally. I have for many years, but it has taken on a new meaning in the last few months. I like to start the day with a quick prayer of thanksgiving that I'm alive and thinking and talking and hearing and walking and seeing and functioning. Frankly, for a very long time, what I feel when I wake up is surprise that I've made it through another day and night, and that's followed by gratitude.

In time I'll find the grounding I need. I think I'm just going to have to search for it harder. I've been blessed that it has been readily available to me for many years and it's not right now - ironically, it's a time when I need it desperately. So much has happened the last few months that I need that stability, but maybe I'm meant to find a new way.

I am a different person than I was six months ago. I don't think it's possible for someone to take the journey I did and be the same on the other end. It also changes everyone around you, because they're taking a journey, too. Like you, they had no choice in the matter. But, they do have a choice of whether or not to open themselves to that sort of thing again.

I'm starting to think that the people who come out on the other side may have to find new common ground. It's also possible that the person I've become just isn't appealing to the same people anymore. Maybe once people have seen you weak, needy, sick or frightened you can't ever go back.

Or maybe it's just that everyone needs to settle into their new beings and learn how to function in the world as that person. I know I do. I don't know this person, yet. And I need to ground myself well before I start to explore that.

I hope I like this person.

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