I had a lovely note this afternoon from my friend, Martha. She directed me to this article by Scott Ginsberg, otherwise known as the "Hello My Name is Scott" guy.
Martha mentioned that she thought the fact that I was a prolific writer influenced how I think about the world. It's always interesting to see yourself through other people's eyes. I have never thought of myself as a "prolific" writer. However, the logic in me (sparse though it may be!) understands why someone who writes every day would be considered "prolific."
I'm flattered by his references to saying, "I've written about that..." because I find myself saying that often. Matthew remarked once when I was so excited to find a note pad in a hotel room that I couldn't think without writing. To some degree he was correct about that.
Whenever I have something I need to think through I get out the pen and paper. If I have something that needs some creative thought I reach for paper. It is integral to the way I think. I'm fond of the "clustering" technique and use it regularly. As a matter of fact, I was using it today - perhaps as Martha was writing her note to me. Of course, anyone who has read here for any amount of time knows I often think "aloud" on the blog.
Martha's note today has caused me to consider how writing impacts my world view. I guess I've never thought of it as an option. Since I could write, it has been the way I experience the world around me. It's interesting how these things develop.
Obviously, there's much more to think about on this topic.
________________
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Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Writing
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Summer Passing Into Fall
![](http://www.patsyterrell.com/images2/20090829-030w.jpg)
It feels very fall-like here and I'm not ready. Of course, I whine about the heat when it's hot. But I feel like the summer has just evaporated while I was busy with other things. As my friend, Kyle, said the other day on facebook, "August, I hardly knew ye." I could say the same about June and July, not to mention April and May. Here we are with only hours left in August and it's just a blur.
![](http://www.patsyterrell.com/images2/20090829-038w.jpg)
With fall knocking I feel I haven't had a chance to enjoy the flowers and the tomatoes and the eggplant and the herbs. And soon they'll be gone, as mornings bring frost instead of the only part of the day that's cool enough to be outside and enjoy. Already the mornings are heavy with dew. I haven't had time to smell the roses, or pick the roses. Where or where do I find an extra 5-6 hours a day?
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I think part of the reason summer seems to have gone so quickly is that we haven't had those hot, hot days this year. While I don't love those days, they do mark the summer like nothing else. This has been a very mild summer, which makes me fear January.
There are so many decisions I need to make that I've been putting off. So many things are piled up I'm immobilized and I'm just going to have to suck it up and get about things, one at a time. That's the only way things get done.
The passing seasons always remind me that life is short. This year has reminded me of that in numerous ways. I think it wise to heed that message.
________________
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Pettiness
I have always had difficulty dealing with people's pettiness. Now, of course, we're all this way occasionally because something that's important to one person isn't to another.
What is most curious about this is why it affects me so much. I've always heard that the things that bug you most in other people are the things you dislike about yourself. So, I've been mulling this over today - just turning it over in the back of my mind - how petty am I about various things? If I were brave enough I'd ask friends, but so far I haven't zapped that email off into the ether.
Today I was on the sidelines of an exchange where one person was being very petty, or so it seemed to me. I watched the other person skillfully manage the situation by not getting upset or dragged into the mire.
There are lessons here to be learned. Not the least of which is that I need to be cautious of my own reactions to things. The irony is not lost on me of how petty it is that I'm upset by other people's pettiness. Life is strange, isn't it?
________________
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Saturday, August 29, 2009
Vision Collage Thoughts
![](http://www.patsyterrell.com/images2/20080406collage1w.jpg)
Last year I went away with some friends to work on a vision collage. For close to a year, my collage was lying about, but not on the wall. This spring, I put it up on the wall where I see it from my desk. It's been there in the background for a few months.
Tonight I glanced up at it and two things jumped out at me. First was this "Fresh Start" segment. Obviously, I've had a fresh start in my life with a new job.
Then I glanced down at the lower right corner and spotted this "Escape the Ordinary" bit. In this job I'm surrounded by one of a kind artifacts. Nothing about it is ordinary.
Isn't it funny how life works sometime?
On this collage is a lot of jewelry and at the time I made it I remarked I'm not even that into jewelry. Just yesterday I bought some earrings and a necklace and thought, "Hmmm... I'm more into jewelry these days than I have been in a long time." I've always loved stars, and have some star jewelry. It's all the more appropriate now in this job.
I'll be curious to see what else happens related to the collage. Maybe that canopy bed is yet to come my way.
________________
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Thursday, August 27, 2009
Things Men Have Said to Me
This is a new series on the blog - "Things Men Have Said to Me." It should be called, "Things Men Have Said to Me that I Never Ever Ever in a Million Years Would Have Believed if I Hadn't Heard It with My Own Two Ears," but that's too wordy.
This week's entry is from a man who shall remain nameless because I don't want to cause any harm to his loved ones - not that I know any of his loved ones and can't imagine they would ever read this anyway. Nonetheless... just in case...
Here's the sordid tale:
A week or so ago, this man who I've met in passing a few times hits on me, and asks me out. He's a nice enough guy from what little I know. He can speak intelligently. He's charming. But there's just a little something that makes me not say yes right away.
What's a girl to do?
Go directly to google, of course. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Google, girl, google. Go forth and google.
Within 90 seconds of sitting down at the keyboard I know he has a wife and kids. I'm looking at their freaking vacation photos. (Fishing and camping in Colorado, in case you're wondering. The little boy caught his first fish on this trip and had his photo taken with dad and the fish. I expected to see the ghost of Norman Rockwell peeking around a tree somewhere.) Somehow he had forgotten to mention that teensy-weensy little detail of the missus and youngun's.
Today I bump into him, and he asks me when we're getting together. I say what I think should be very clear, "I don't mess with other people's husbands or boyfriends."
Is that not clear? It seems clear to me - not open to interpretation - but I can tell from the look on his face that he's having trouble processing the words. He recovers quickly, however, and then says to me, with barely a half-beat missing: "Aw, come on... what's the big deal... why not?"
I say, "Because it's trashy. And I'm a grown up. And grown ups don't go around willingly inflicting pain on their fellow humans. And it's trashy. And I would never be involved with a man who cheats - if he cheats with you he'll cheat on you. And it's trashy. Why would I want to be involved with a cheater? And it's trashy. You have a wife and kids you should be concerned with. And it's sleazy. Did I mention trashy?"
Okay, truthfully, I probably wasn't that eloquent. "Trashy" came up a number of times. I'm sure of that.
So, this entry in the "Things men have said to me" is "Aw, come on... what's the big deal... why not?"
I realize how this phrase could be applied to any number of things, but breaking vows to someone you've promised to 'love honor and cherish, forsaking all others,' doesn't seem like it would fall into this category of casualness.
Besides, I just don't do stupid. A man who hits on you two days after posting photos of his family's Colorado vacation on the world wide web is just too dumb to even talk to, much less anything else.
Our interaction is complete.
Alas, he will not have another opportunity to be featured in the "Things Men Have Said to Me" series.
________________
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Summer's Bounty
![](http://www.patsyterrell.com/uploaded_images/20090826-031-752675.jpg)
I've been so busy this summer I haven't gotten to fully enjoy everything from the garden. I've got more tomatoes than I can use. I've told both neighbors to pick them and Bob has been, which is nice. I'm really happy I can share with them.
A number of other people have mentioned they'd like to have some home grown tomatoes, but they're apparently unwilling to come and pick them. I guess they expect me to pick the tomatoes for them. They're going to be disappointed on that count. There's a point at which I draw the line and that is picking the tomatoes I've grown and watered in order to give them to you. Fortunately, Bob has been sharing with his family so we're kind of keeping up.
I used about 20 tonight in the soup. I just cook down tomatoes in a little water and then puree them. There's no milk added - it's just tomatoes, basil, garlic and a little sugar and salt to blend it all together.
I think this weekend I'm making more Asian stir-fry with the squash and Japanese eggplant I picked the other day. This weekend's menu will also include a tomato and fresh mozzarella salad with red and yellow tomatoes, drizzled with basil flavored olive oil. That's one of my summertime favorites.
I've got another eggplant that's coming along so maybe I'll have that next week.
People always say you can save so much money eating at home. I'm not sure what they're eating that is such a bargain. I went to the grocery tonight and spent $91 and it was just basics. I could eat at least 10 meals out for that, maybe more. But, if I'm going to the trouble to cook I want to eat really good stuff. I don't understand why you'd "cook" processed/boxed/pre-packaged stuff, but I realize I'm in the minority on this.
If more people were like me cake mixes would not exist, and obviously they're doing just fine in the marketplace. I just don't understand why a cake mix is any easier. I've got flour and sugar sitting on the counter and measuring cups at my elbow. It's just not a big struggle to put them into the same bowl I'd have to put the cake mix into to add the eggs and oil and water. But, again, I know I'm the odd one in this regard.
I'm not a fancy cook - very basic stuff. And, frankly, I really like to bake. Cooking "real" food isn't my favorite thing to do. But, there are a few things I really love to eat. Soon I'm going to be ready to put a roast in the crockpot with some veggies and let it cook all day while I'm at work.
I'm starting to get in the mood for fall. I was thinking today as I was hunting for a parking place in the shade, that I'm ready to need to wear a light jacket. I'm ready to come home and want to put on socks to run around the house in. If only I could have the garden in season and have that coziness of being snuggled into the house - the best of both worlds.
It's fortunate none of us gets to choose I suppose. We'll get some of everything and we'll just deal with whatever it is.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Christmas Loving Coworkers
It's 12:35 a.m. and I've been in pretty much constant motion since 6:41 this morning. I guess that's yesterday morning now. But, much was accomplished today and tonight.
My work days go fast these days. I seem to always have more to do than I have time to accomplish but much of it is interesting so the days zip by.
I discovered at work today that another of my coworkers loves Christmas. Maybe I've finally found my kind. Michele tells me she loves her tree and how it sparkles. Today Laurie mentioned she loves Christmas too. It will be so fun to be with another holiday lover.
Generally, I find myself surrounded by people who don't like the holidays much. Greg says it's for karmic balance - that I like them so much it's essential that I'm around people who don't. But, discovering that Laurie likes the holidays caused me to go hunt up last year's Christmas post. It put me in the holiday mood all over again. Yes, even though I can hear the hum of the air conditioner outside my home office window.
Before I head upstairs to bed I want to take this opportunity to tell you that if you're thinking you want to enjoy the holiday season this year and not be rushed, that you have 12 weekends between now and Thanksgiving. I'm just saying.
Now you won't have to be surprised when Christmas arrives on Dec. 25 this year.
________________
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Sunday, August 23, 2009
Poof! And Then There were Astronauts
Saturday afternoon three of the astronauts that flew the Space Shuttle Discovery on its maiden voyage in 1984 were here to celebrate the 25th anniversary. It was a hectic day, but very good.
It was well attended, which made me feel good about the publicity we did. We've been having great attendance at events. And I think everyone had a good time. They did a presentation and then signed autographs before doing a private reception for premium members. I was there to take pix at the reception and Chris kindly asked them to pose with me too.
Beside me is Charlie Walker, payload specialist on that flight; then Hank Hartsfield who was the Commander; and Steve Hawley, a mission specialist. Hawley is from Kansas, and now teaches at the University of Kansas.
I didn't get a chance to visit with any of them except Charlie Walker and he was a real delight. I was sorry I didn't get to meet his wife who also seemed wonderful, but she was busy visiting and I didn't want to interrupt.
It was a nice afternoon, and I think everyone who interacted with them came away feeling great about it. KAKE did a really nice piece about the event on their 10 o'clock news last night.
Today I've been trying to motivate myself to work on things around the house. I've made some progress, but not as much as I had hoped. Next weekend we're doing the Wichita Air Show so I won't get much done then, either. It's starting to get pretty bad in here.
But, this afternoon Mark called. He was driving back to Kansas City after a vacation in Colorado with Carl and Kris and asked if I'd like to meet him in Salina for food. So, Greg and I drove up there and met him. Our timing was perfect. We say him walking in from his car as we were pulling into the parking lot.
That was my third trip to Salina in a week. I was there last weekend for Kansas Dialogue, then on Wednesday to do a social networking training for one of the Sampler Foundation's groups, and then again today to meet Mark. Fortunately, it's only an hour's drive away.
________________
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Cosmosphere's Starry Night Party
Friday night was the Cosmosphere's Starry Night party. It was a really cool event. I can say that because it wasn't my idea - it was well underway before I ever showed up on the scene.
We started at 5:30 and it went until midnight - past the 10:30 stated time. We had kid's activities of various sorts, speakers, rocket demonstrations and star gazing. I've heard nothing but wonderful comments about it.
My main job once things were underway was to take photos to capture the event. I hadn't even touched the Cosmosphere's camera before Friday, but fortunately, I got some decent ones.
My favorite is these kids watching them make liquid oxygen ice cream. I particularly love the photo below, which is just a crop of this little boy who is experiencing pure joy.
You may notice he has an alien guy tattoo on his arm. I had one on my hand, too. We were doing these temporary tattoos and I experimented on myself to see how they worked. While I was trying to read the instructions and figure it out, a kid - about nine years old - came by and told me I was doing it wrong and gave me advice.
Thank goodness, YP volunteers were there to do them for the kids since, obviously, my skills in this regard were lacking.
I was eventually successful in my experiment, and sported a glow in the dark alien all night long. When I brushed my teeth last night I thought... hmmm... I better scrub this off. When I went to bed I reached over to get something and thought, "what is that light?" I had missed one little sliver of glow in the dark and my hand was giving off a green glow. All I could do was chuckle.
Martin Ratcliffe, a contributing editor to Astronomy magazine spoke to the crowd about what they could see in the night sky.
Kids could build and launch air rockets. That was a popular spot.
There were also rocket demonstrations. There must have been 60 kids running after the rockets as they were setting them off.
Volunteers brought out tons of different kinds of telescopes and let people look through them at various things. It was a great time to see Jupiter.
Some of these were beyond what I think of when I hear "telescope."
All in all a very cool event. Although, I have to say, I've become convinced that it's hard to beat the sheer entertainment value of liquid oxygen ice cream.
And then you get to eat it too.
________________
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Saturday, August 22, 2009
Feeling More Myself
I'm feeling more myself these days. Unfortunately, that means feeling sad at times. I think I'm finally processing some of the losses of the last few months.
Life has its up and downs. Goodness knows I've been the recipient of much grace, not only this year, but throughout my life. Grace comes in many forms - from the kindness of friends who fill your freezer with food when you have surgery to the whisper of a grieving wife asking you to be involved in the spreading of a loved one's ashes.
I need to find some time for quiet. I need to write and paint and think. I need to experience. I need to go away for a few days and devote myself to those pursuits, allowing myself to feel however I feel. It's hard to hear the quiet for the din of daily living.
________________
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Thursday, August 20, 2009
Walking Into Peace
This labyrinth is part of the Messiah Lutheran Church in Lindsborg. I've become a devotee of walking labyrinths. The idea is that you enter and walk the path that twists and turns, using the time for prayer or meditation.
I didn't know this was in Lindsborg until a few weeks ago when I went to see Ellen Goodman speak. I happened to park in this area and saw the labyrinth, but didn't have time to walk it then. Sunday when I was coming home from Kansas Dialogue I decided to detour through there and walk it.
I find the repetitive nature of following the path in a labyrinth to clear the mind. That's a huge deal for me because quieting my mind is difficult. A doctor said to me a long time ago that he thought my difficulties with sleep could all be traced to how my brain works, and that it has to let go of thoughts when I'm trying to go to sleep.
At any given moment I have dozens of thoughts going on. Each is traveling along its own path - kind of like spokes on a wheel - but all simultaneously. When I think of something in that line of thought that requires my attention I bring it to the front of my mind and have to keep reminding myself of it. That's why I make notes. Only once it's on a note can I let that thought process continue logically, along it's path, to its natural conclusion. Keeping that thought uppermost in my mind is exhausting. Once it's written down I can just let it go.
It has been too long since I walked a labyrinth. I just walked this one into the center and back out again. It was enough time to clear a few cobwebs, but not sufficient time to really find a peaceful place in my brain.
It seems there are so many things to think about every day. And some of them are falling by the wayside every day. I need some time to quiet my mind, to find some peace. Walking into it is one way to get there.
________________
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Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Fun Day Ahead
I'm looking forward to the day. I'm headed to Salina for a consulting job with The Sampler Foundation, teaching people from Rural Kansas to use social networking. Marci and WenDee are doing something innovative - not that that's anything new for them - and teaching people how to share their communities with the world through these new tools.
I've done a couple of these trainings already, and we're refining it every time. We've already had a success story of a group from India coming to Kansas as a result of a blog and Facebook. Very exciting!
If I get a chance, I'll post some twitpix from the phone today. Check the twitter or facebook feed for those. It should be a fun day. It's thrilling to see people realize what they can do with these free services at their fingertips, and then see it in action.
________________
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Monday, August 17, 2009
I Want A Barn
I want a barn.
For the past few years I've been harboring this fantasy of having a barn. Why? Well, think of all the cool things you can do with a barn. It's a place to store things, you can stand inside with the doors open in a storm and watch the rain while you feel the breeze, and you can run your hands over the weathered wood and appreciate the years represented there.
Now, of course, in my barn fantasy there is no dirt, no leaking roof, no mice, no snakes, and no bugs. And there is certainly no livestock, and no poop. There are also no other unsavory critters like possums or skunks in this idyllic fantasy. I offer that non-exhaustive list only because my previous experience with barns has always involved one or more of those.
Barns must be wood. I simply won't accept any other material fashioned into a rectangular shape as a barn. It won't do. No. Absolutely not. It must be a wood barn. Preferably old wood. With character.
I'd also like my barn sitting out behind my Queen Anne style Victorian home - completely restored, of course, thank you - and with nary a need of upkeep on the horizon. I'm not sure where these lovely structures reside, but I know they're frequented by friends and loved ones as we live happy, content, healthy lives. Thank goodness there's a gardener to take care of all the land because I don't even like to mow my little yard now.
Truth be told, I don't need a barn. But I want a barn. I don't have a single thing I need to keep in a barn. But I would find something, no doubt. When you have a barn you probably have things they go in a barn.
Sunday afternoon I was taking a drive and ran across this barn. I don't know the owners, but that's a cool barn. Very cool.
I like to engage in these flights of fancy on occasion. It's refreshing to think about the person you would be if you lived in a restored, rambling, ornate, yellow Queen Anne house with a big old barn out behind it.
________________
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Saturday, August 15, 2009
Acceptance
Tonight I'm wrestling with one of those. It's painful. But I've got to accept it.
Earlier this year when I was diagnosed with an ovarian tumor and there was a chance it would take my life, I noticed some people began to distance themselves from me. It was subtle at first, almost imperceptible, but there. I noticed. I'm not sure they did, but I did.
In the weeks between diagnosis and surgery, the tension grew, and so did the distance. Just a tiny bit here and a tiny bit there.
After surgery there was much rejoicing and happiness that it was benign and life - at least mine - would go on. I am so very grateful for the outcome, but once you've been down that road there's no going back. You're a person who was in real danger of dying. And people in your world know that they were close to having to grieve you. It's a thought many just aren't comfortable with, even though logically this is true for all of us all of the time.
So, they drift. They see you less. They talk to you less. They get some distance. It's a defense mechanism, and I get that. It's their way of saying, "Oh my gosh, this person could have died. What would my life be like without this person? Wow, I better change my life so this person isn't as much a part of it." I understand that. I really do.
I'm tainted goods now. The tumor made real the issue that people in our lives can suffer and die. It's scary and people don't want any part of it. So, they move away from you, finding other people and things and places to fill the space, so just in case you do die their lives aren't affected so much. I get it. I really, really, really get it, but it hurts nonetheless.
Unfortunately, all I can do is accept it. So, tonight, I will begin searching for a place in my soul to tuck away these losses, too.
Brain out of sync
Friday, August 14, 2009
Overlooking the Obvious
I had to stop for a train on South Main the other day and for the first time noticed this ghost sign on a building. It made me wonder how many things I'm missing every day. I've driven by this building hundreds, maybe thousands, of times, and I've never noticed this sign.
I will be delighted for someone to tell me it has been covered with a metal front until recently and I've not been able to see it. But, I fear that is not the case, and that it's just another multi-story reminder of how oblivious we can be to our surroundings.
Why is it so easy to overlook things so obvious? Well, the real answer is that it's an effective way for the brain to work. It processes things in our "norm" quickly and without really investigating them because if we had to carefully consider every object we ran into in a day we'd not be able to accomplish much.
But there must be a happy medium somewhere between that oblivion that registers "buildling" and nothing more, to scrutiny of every bit of flaking paint. Between those two is a way to be more in tune with the world around us, and still functioning well within it. Apparently I'm still searching for that spot.
________________
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Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Question of the Day - Make that Week
Earlier this week, someone dropped off a little surprise for me at the office. It was a pretty little gift bag with a tin of teapot cookie cutters inside.
They left it downstairs with a volunteer, and it found its way up to my office. Unfortunately, they didn't sign the note, and I don't recognize the handwriting. So, it's a mystery. A pleasant mystery, but a mystery.
I was hoping I'd hear from someone, taking credit. But so far no one has.
How can a southern girl write a thank you note when she doesn't know who to address it to?
________________
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Being Thankful
Tonight I was thinking about what to cook for dinner and it occurred to me what a fortunate person I am. When large numbers of people around the world are hungry, I'm deciding which of the things in my cupboard - refrigerator - garden to prepare. I have fresh, clean running water just steps away. I have a cooking stove right in front of me.
It's so easy to take these things for granted because they are part of our normal. But, I've been with people in various places in the world for whom these are unimaginable luxuries. They have never been faced with deciding what to eat, only figuring out how to eat. Yet they will generously share what little they have.
Most of us lead lives of astounding privilege and we don't even recognize it. I periodically try to step outside my everyday reality and see it from the perspective of someone who's daily life is very different.
By the same token, there are people who would pity me my life, because theirs is filled with luxuries beyond my imagination. But there is a difference between true luxuries, and basic necessities being out of reach.
One of the basic tenants of all the world's major religions is to take care of the poor, and yet few faiths take that really seriously. Of course, there are the Mother Teresas of the world, but part of the reason they're so noteworthy is that they're rare.
How does a person who wants to affect real change in the world do that today? One of my choices is Kiva.org, a mico-finance site. I also admire the Habitat for Humanity model.
Meanwhile, I remember to take a moment now and then to say a prayer of thanksgiving for the blessings I enjoy every day, and a prayer of entreatment that all people might be faced with a choice of bounty when considering dinner.
________________
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Power of Action
I was thinking about this in the context of how important "small" things are, when done with earnestness and sincerity. I was talking with a coworker the other day about a situation and I said, "I believe there is great power in handwritten thank you notes and baked goods."
It's true I believe both of things net results far exceeding the amount of energy expended. But the key, that so many people overlook, is the sincerity behind them. I write notes to people every week. But each one is considered and each one is genuine. I never write a "thank you for blah blah blah" note. When I write a note, it's sincere and heartfelt.
My mechanics joke with me whenever I go in about when I'm bringing them some more brownies or a cake. On occasion I pop in with goodies for them. It's not just that I like to cook and want to share baked goods, which is true, but it goes beyond that. When I bake for them I do it with intention of making them happy. It's different than cooking with a feeling of "I have to get through this."
Intention and sincerity are oft-overlooked, but I think that is where the true power of action lies.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Weekend
The weekend is officially over in six minutes when midnight rolls around. I've been in pretty much constant motion, but have accomplished much this weekend. I just finished my last "have to get it out the door" task, and sent the piece to my editor, so I'm now ready to start the work week.
Unfortunately my house looks no better than it did on Friday night - maybe worse. But, I'm not sure how to find more hours in the days and nights. This was my last free weekend until late September so I'm not sure how I'll manage to get much done on it.
Looking really forward to next weekend. It will be filled with friends and acquaintances and much interesting conversation. Always a good way to spend time.
I did take time on Saturday for some Roy's barbecue. I decided to take a little video for those of you who haven't had the pleasure, or who don't get there often. Vegetarians look away!
________________
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Sunday, August 09, 2009
Respect
I've been thinking a lot lately about respect, and how we dole it out. Do we respect the homeless man, the mentally ill woman? Do we respect the secretary, the maintenance man, the day trader, the day laborer? Do we respect the skateboarding kid, the nursing home resident, the single mother in the broken down car?
We place a huge amount of emphasis in our society on what people do for a living, as if somehow that relates to their worth as human beings. How did that develop? It seems like a system we would have nipped in the bud before it ever took root.
On the news in the US there's a phrase you hear repeatedly when talking about an accident somewhere: "No Americans were harmed." What is implied is that American life is more valuable than other life. Do we respect Americans more than other nationalities? Do we respect people from England? Australia? France? Mexico? Germany?
We respect people who drive certain kinds of cars more than others. Does a BMW really make the driver more worthy of respect than a Ford Focus?
Respect is tricky business. We all want it. It's a universal human desire it seems. But, we can be stingy when giving it to others. Why is that? Do we view it as a commodity that we can run out of if we give?
________________
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Friday, August 07, 2009
Feeling More Myself
Tonight was the celebration for the Hutchinson Art Association's 60th anniversary. I decided to just run by after work for a few minutes. Well, two and a half hours later I was still there. In fact, I think I was there for a while after it was officially over.
I ran into Teresa (on the right) and we were chatting. Then Adelagun (in the middle) and Linda came over and we got to visit with them. I "know" Adelagun from Facebook, but we tonight was the first time we've had a chance to visit face to face. Thank goodness she came over and said something to me. It makes me a little bonkers when people go home and send me a note saying, "was that you at the fill-in-the-blank event tonight..." Yes! It was. Come over and say hello so I get to meet you. While you might rightfully say why don't I say hello. Well, here it is - and I'm not proud of it - I can be totally oblivious to the world around me when I'm engaged in conversation with someone.
Years ago, when Greg and I lived together I went out to get something - before we all had cell phones in our pockets - and when I got home he asked, "Didn't you see me?"
"No, what are you talking about?"
"I remembered I needed something and ran out to tell you as you were pulling away. I swear you were watching me in the rear view mirror. I was waving my arms and running after the car. You just kept on driving... looking right at me in the mirror... and ignoring me... while I flailed my arms... yelling your name... "
Well, we had a good laugh about it. And realized we had probably amused the neighbors as I was driving away while he was running after the car. I'm guessing they thought a huge fight had ensued just prior.
The point of the story is - I don't notice. I'm focused on whatever the task at hand it. Maybe because I know I'm not good with details so it's my compensation for that. So, if you see me out and about, please say hello so I don't miss getting to see you.
It was a great evening. I visited with a ton of people, including Debbie who was exhibiting the felt piece she showed on her blog a while ago.
I'm very happy it is Friday. I have a list of things I hope to get through this weekend. I realized today as I was looking at my calendar that this is my last free weekend until the last week of September.
Of course, I'm thinking about Christmas and getting started soon. Greg has offered to help haul things up from the basement. I'm hoping other friends will help, too, so i can have a "Patsy Christmas."
Yesterday I went to Wichita to hit Hobby Lobby and get more ornaments for an event at work. For reasons I don't understand, Hobby Lobby get in their ornaments, and that's it - they don't reorder anything. So, heads up, if you're looking for the cool silver stars like I used on my packages last year you're out of luck in this area. I have bought them all, from all three stores in Hutch and Wichita, and I'm headed to Salina soon.
I also bought some other kinds of stars. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find enough of the silver ones. So, now it's a quandry - do I take those back or keep them for another project yet to be determined. I love stars.
I'm starting to feel a bit more myself. I hope that continues. A friend mentioned the other night, "you've had a really rough year... you need a vacation." And he's absolutely right. But, unfortunately, I also need to pay medical bills. So, that means doing as much work on the side as I can to increase my income, and not spending money on travel. It's not the way I would design my life. But, for the moment, it's a necessity. So, there you go. And, hopefully, the year is turning into something wonderful. There have been some great parts of it - benign - and a great new job. I'm expecting a continual upswing as the year progresses.
Regardless, as of this afternoon I realized I'm just feeling more normal, more myself. And I think that's good.
________________
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Thursday, August 06, 2009
Quote, Ritual and Nature
"Authentic spirituality awakens the soul, reconnects us with the sacred, and fills us with the passion of life. Spiritual development is not about religious rituals and practices; it is about waking up to the wonder of life." -- David N. Elkins
I'm a devotee of the "wonder of life," but I think there's something to be gained from rituals of all sorts.
I was reading "World of Pies" today and Karen Stolz paints a wonderful picture in that book of the rituals the family goes through. She uses that concept masterfully to carry us from one part of their lives to another.
It's like that in real life, too. Rituals keep us grounded so we can move forward without losing our history.
Few things make me feel more spiritual than nature. All the great religious leaders go to the woods at some point, so I think they needed that connection too. It's universal.
________________
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Sometimes The Light Dawns Slowly
Tonight was Creative Sisterhood and it was a great evening of conversation. These women are interesting and insightful, and always generous with their thoughts, which I so appreciate.
Topics varied, as they often do, and covered a wide variety of subjects. We have a rule that we don't share outside the circle, so I can only talk about myself.
My main topic was the new job and how it's structured. After the "official" part of the evening was over I took the opportunity to ask Martha about something she mentioned a few weeks ago.
To explain, I have this "thing" about feeling like people don't listen to what I say - ignoring my thoughts about things. This developed over time through a number of circumstances. A few weeks ago Martha mentioned in passing that she thought people paid a great deal of attention to me and I needed to rethink that.
I hadn't had a chance to ask her more about that until tonight. It resulted in a conversation with her, Teresa and Julie about the topic. (Virginia had already left.) It's always interesting to see yourself through others' eyes. They gave me much to think about.
To sum up, I guess their message was that my "tone" has changed - that I approach people differently than I used to. I think that's the best way to describe it. As people have always pointed out to me I'm very definitive. That quality is a stumbling block, I've learned.
I've made a conscious decision in the last couple of years or so to be more approachable. Part of that has been to listen more. Maybe this change of tone is partly the result of that.
Internally, I would say I don't feel any differently about things than I ever did, but I've come to realize it's not important that I express my feelings to others in direct ways. I've always wanted people to know who I am, so they can make an informed decision about if I'm the sort of person the want in their lives. And I've always wanted that sort of "bare bones," just tell me who you are, in return. Perhaps the finesse of a relationship is to spend more time in discovery.
It's exceedingly rare that anyone really wants to know how you feel at your core level about anything. I've always thought to be in relationship with anyone on any significant level you have to be totally honest and part of that was to express yourself with the passion you felt for anything. Is it honest to explain yourself with a level of intensity less than what you really feel?
I guess it boils down to if the message is heard at all. And that brings us back full circle to listening.
The light dawns slowly for me sometimes. I'm so thankful for people helping me see it.
________________
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Wednesday, August 05, 2009
A Work Day Break
I keep a teacup at my office to have a little break in the afternoon. For some reason, tea tastes better out of a pretty cup. I'll admit it's not the most practical, but if we always went for practical, high heels and sports cars wouldn't exist. So, I drink my tea from a pretty cup - I just drink it faster so it is still hot.
The job is going well. At least I think it is. Maybe they would tell me otherwise. The days are full. As I told a friend, "a lot happens in my work day." There are lots of projects going on and at different stages and so there's always something to work on.
Much of what I'm doing is very "rote" work and doesn't require any creativity or much thought I'm very capable of completing all of it. And happy to do so. Unfortunately, when you're busy with that sort of thing you never get to do anything beyond that.
I'm very much of the mindset in the work place of:
1. There's more than one right way to do something.
2. My number one job is to make my boss look good.
3. If my opinion is asked for, I give it. If it's not, I keep it to myself.
4. I don't need to "buy into" whatever the project is. I will just do it as best I can because it's what is wanted. (see rule #1)
5. Complete it by the deadline.
Of course, you can expand on those in all different directions. But I think number one is the most important.
It's a really interesting place to work. Nothing like walking in in the morning under an SR-71 Blackbird. One of these days I'll take some photos of the museum, my office, etc. Maybe I'll do a little video. But maybe I'll wait until I learn my way around. I'm starting to get it - a little at a time - but there are still doors that I have no idea where they go.
Well, it's time for me to go to bed - probably past time, actually.
I know I've not been blogging the usual amount lately. I've not lost interest. I've just been a bit overwhelmed with various things - from learning a new job to accepting Matthew's death. Things will become more regular after a bit.
________________
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Monday, August 03, 2009
Quote of the Day
"If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive..."
Eleonora Duse
________________
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A Brick of Business Cards
I had to share this with you because for some reason it strikes me as funny.
My new business cards came in a week or so ago. They came in this heavily reinforced box - a brick of cards. Although, I can't help but notice, this is more the size of 2-3 bricks, not one. Well, at least the bricks you use to build things with.
I'm not even sure how many cards are here, but it is definitely thousands. How many years it will take me to use this many cards? If x is number of days... and y is number of cards... then solve for... well, lets just say I'm on the hunt for people to give cards to. For any reason.
Consider yourself forewarned.
________________
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Sunday, August 02, 2009
Summer Concert in the Park by Rudy Love and the Love Family Band
Doesn't that just look like summer? Only because it was. Greg took this photo last night as Greg, Sharon, Ann and I were watching a concert in the park
The free concert was the kick off to the Emancipation Day activities and featured Rudy Love and the Love Family Band. They're always doing something cool and interesting. Last year the big news was that Jay-Z had used some of their music in "American Gangta." This year Rudy Jr. had news that he has been working with the Wu-Tang Clan.
The Love family has a long history with big names in the music business and we're fortunate they live just down the road in Wichita and can be here to kick off the Emancipation Day Celebration.
I missed all of today's activities. I really needed a change of scenery and hit the road today. Maybe next year.
________________
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Thursday, July 30, 2009
I snapped this photo of Greg in his garden late yesterday. You can see he has some ripe tomatoes.
We decided to go to Arlington for dinner last night, to Carolyn's Essenhaus. It was really tasty - there was pie - what more needs be said?
After dinner we stopped on a country road to take some photos. Greg was looking for cicadas... I was just seeing what there was to see, which included this neat old fence post.
After stopping by Greg's garden, I went into my own to check on things. I have many tomatoes. And pumpkins. Lots of pumpkins. I don't know if they're still growing or if they're done or what. I guess I'll just see what happens with them.
It has been incredibly beautiful weather here for days - sunny, with moderate temperatures. Tonight it's getting down to 58 here. It's just unheard of, but I've decided it should be enjoyed as long as it lasts.
________________
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