Questions to Ask Yourself

What do you do to remind yourself of your humanity?

What are you willing to suffer for?

What will cause you suffering if you don't do it?

I ran across these notes to myself recently. Although it was written some time ago, they're still valid questions. I'm not sure I have the answers yet, but they are worthy things to consider.

One thing I know falls into all of those categories for me is travel and experiencing other cultures very different than my own. Obviously, "suffer" might be a strong word, but travel does require some sacrifices of various sorts unless one has unlimited budget and time. When I can't travel for some reason it does feel as though I'm being "punished" in some way.

Certainly travel reminds me of humanity - my own and other's - particularly when connected with something I feel a deep connection to, like ancient Egypt. This fragment from the Book of the Dead is on display in Wichita. I bought a membership to the Museum of World Treasures just so I can stop in casually and visit the Egyptian collection. It's not as amazing as walking in the halls of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo, but it's much easier to get to. And it does give me a sense of connection I can't get so easily otherwise.

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Honor Among Humans

Life is full of twists and turns. Things you could never have dreamed just fall into your lap when you least expect it.

All the while, other wishes come true left and right. Poof! There's another one, as if a magic wand is scattering star dust in your path. The sun bouncing off the glitter illuminates the path as it zig-zags hither and yon, helping you find your way.

It's not mine to question why it seems that when some act less than honorably, others rise to demonstrate that humans are better than that.

I suppose we've all been on both sides of that equation. There is some joy in being in the middle of it.

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What Kind of Person...

The phrase, "What kind of person..." is oft heard with regard to wrongdoing - real or perceived.
"What kind of person would put their kids through that..."
"What kind of person would do such a thing..."
"What kind of person acts like that..."

I always have to fight to not say, "A person just like you or me." No one wants to hear that.

We believe ourselves incapable of the heinous acts we witness others perpetrate on themselves, their loved ones or society as a whole. We are certain we would never do such a thing. We are better than that.

In reality, I'm afraid we're not. And as often as we have said, "What kind of person...", it's likely someone has been directing the same question our way.

People act the way they do because they have demons we don't understand and couldn't handle. If we had any inkling of what other people are fighting just to maintain some sense of normalcy on a daily basis, we'd be blown away, and so would our disdain.

It would seem all of us are capable of the best and the worst human beings have to offer. We just have to hope we're never in a situation where the worst of human nature lurking inside us is tapped, and that the best of us is more abundant.

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Quote of the Day

‎"We are all survivors of our lives, our lessons carved across our bodies in scars, some visible, some invisible, but all ache in the cold, burn in the summer heat, and twinge at odd moments when we move too fast, and forget our lessons. We are all survivors of something, remember that, and be kind to each other, or at least, less cruel." - Laurell K. Hamilton

A friend posted this on Facebook tonight and I thought it would speak to almost anyone on the planet. I suppose, somewhere, there must be people who've not had to survive something, but I don't know any of them.

It's a good reminder to be "less cruel" if we can't be kind.


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Banality of Evil

"Evil" is such a big word. It has shades of gray, depending on who is doing the defining. Even things most of us automatically think of as "evil," like the Holocaust, are not universally agreed upon.

Recently I was listening to a discussion where the term, "Banality of Evil," was used. Again, "evil" is such a big word. It's hard for me to think of it as banal, but I understand the sentiment behind the phrase.

"Banality of evil" was first used by Hannah Arendt in a 1963 work. The idea is that the great evils in history are not perpetrated by sociopaths, but by ordinary people who believe their actions to be normal within the context of their time and place.

Later, Edward S. Herman referred to it as "normalizing the unthinkable." His premise was that doing awful things systematically made them feel normal. So, everyday people would commit murder, rape, torture and other horrible acts because it's the way things were - it was their "normal."

Since I heard the phrase the other day I've been thinking about what in our own "normal" might fall into this category. I'm sorry to say I've thought of more than a few things. We humans are not particularly noble creatures, it seems. We want to be. We try to be. But we just don't seem to have it built into us. Inactions can be just as damning as actions. Our "normal" includes awful things we just take for granted. It's just the way it is - our normal.
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Acupressure and A-fib

I am not a medical professional, but am just sharing here my own experience with a-fib and something that seems to be working for me.

I was diagnosed with a-fib about five years ago. I've been on cardizem, which helped some and am now on Sotalol, which has worked even better for me. Because I have a naturally low heart rate, and Sotalol can lower it even more, I'm on a lower dose than I guess you can have. But, it has helped since I've been on it starting in Feb. of 2009. However, I did still have "break through" episodes on occasion.

Recently, I discovered something by accident that has helped me - the chiropractor. I went in because I had pain and tension in my neck and upper back. I've been to chiropractors before, but this was a different person than I've been to previously. He also does acupuncture, which I've not had.

I went 2-3 times the first couple of weeks and then he suggested coming about once a month. It seemed I would generally feel the need to go in about every 3 or 3 1/2 weeks, instead of the recommended 4. After 2-3 months it suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't been in afib much for quite some time. I then realized that the only episodes I had had coincided with the time frame right before I would schedule an appointment. I started going about every three weeks, instead of waiting until I felt the need, and the a-fib has been "in remission" since then. At some point I asked the doctor if there was anything he could do for a-fib, without telling him what I had noticed. His reply was that he wasn't sure it would help a-fib, but he was working on the heart meridian and using acupressure techniques in addition to chiropractic.

When I had my six month follow up with the cardiologist, he was thrilled with how my heart sounded. I told him of my observations and his response was to keep doing it if it was working.

Recently I called to schedule to discover my chiropractor was on vacation. So, I had a longer wait than usual. Even though it was a longer time frame I only had one minor breakthrough episode.

I'm not sure what is involved, and if it's something that will work for other people, but it seems to be working for me.

So... that's from the "for what it's worth" department.

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Fundamental Attribution Error

Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE) is a fancy way of saying humans aren't very good at determining the reason behind people's behavior. Specifically, we overestimate the inherent qualities that contribute to an event and underestimate the situation itself. For other people. When it's ourselves, we're more likely to assume it's the result of the situation.

For example, if Susie spills milk we conclude Susie is clumsy. If we spill milk, we conclude the glass was slippery or a book was in the way when we sat the glass down or whatever. But the fact that milk is pouring onto the floor is in no way related to our own lack of attention. However, Susie, that klutz, made a big mess because she's a clumsy pig.

You get the general idea.

I don't know why, but this popped into my head today and I was wondering why we humans don't take advantage of the knowledge we have. The original study that pointed this out was done in the sixties, I believe. It seems we've had plenty of time to work it into the common knowledge of the culture and learn to compensate for it, but we haven't.

I'm as guilty as the next person about not really using the information I have at hand in one fashion or another. But I do wonder why we are this way. It would seem that we are deficient in a most basic way. Most animals use what they learn. Humans, not as much.

What is wrong with us? Whatever it is, I'm sure it's some other people who are preventing me from taking advantage of it.

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'Tis the season

Now that the weather is sweltering I wanted to take a moment to remind you that we're more than half way to Christmas for 2011. Yes, Christmas. The holiday season is about 5 months away - less than that if you're a fanatic like me.

These are one of my recent yard sale purchases - vintage Christmas ornaments for a quarter each.



Go forth and enjoy those fireworks while dreaming of sugarplums.

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Transition and Change

I'm definitely in a transition period in my life, and things have been coming into my life that talk about transition at this time. I've run across notes from conferences and other bits that focus on this topic. Here are some thoughts I've seen - some really valuable I think.

Transition is part of any healthy organization.

Recognize that for some people collaboration will be an innovative process

Innovation is planned change.

Change for the sake of change is not good, nor should it always be for something new.

Change is part of doing something better. Change is part of making something significantly better.

Change is not an invention. Change is an innovation.

Learning is an outgrowth of change. With learning comes development. With development comes more change.

Will we manage change, or allow change to manage us?

If we decide to react, what form will that take?

Are we enactors or reactors?

What if we fail? Failure has more potential to bring about change.

We do not deal well with failure in the US. Some cultures handle it better.

The only way to create change through collaboration is to eliminate indifference. Everyone must be able to exercise their power without compromising others.

Author James Magnuson's Advice to Writers

James Magnuson offers the following advice to writers:

• Find the most powerful experience of your life and write about it.
• Write about what you're ashamed of.

I wonder in how many cases those would be related.

Also "powerful" has many interpretations. That could mean something that was intensely emotional at the time, or that has remained so over time.

Regardless, it seems both approaches would net something worth reading, provided the writer could be honest about it. That is, indeed, always the trick. I find myself sometimes writing around things instead of going into them.

Sometimes that's because it would be messy for other people, but most of the time it's because it would be messy for me. There might be repercussions - real or perceived. Or I know the mere writing would cause me distress. Of course, not writing can do the same. I suppose when the latter outweighs the former I'll get about it.

Lately I've been getting repeated messages that I need to write about some of the messier, uglier, nastier parts of my own life. I'm not sure what I'll do with those stories once they're written. They're certainly not appropriate for this blog. Perhaps I'll start another one. Maybe an anonymous one. While that's always appealing in the abstract, in reality I can never figure out how to make it work.

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Letting Go

Earlier today I ran across a note I'd made at some point. I can't recall where I heard it, and unfortunately I didn't jot that down. The note was, "The same amount of strength it took to take it, is the same amount it takes to let it go."

That seems like such a perfect summation of letting go - of whatever you're holding that you need to part with. Unfortunately, it's a little harder to do than a simple statement would lead you to believe.

I like the echoes of Newton's laws of physics in that statement. Of course, I have no idea what Mr. Newton was trying to move past.

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Accomplishment

As I have been doing every day, I spent the day making calls, creating new paper and shuffling other paper.

I also had an eye doctor's appointment this morning. I was due for a checkup back in April but when I called to schedule it, today was the first available day that worked. I really, really like my eye doctor and we always have the most fascinating conversations. Today it was about connection and how people seem to be becoming more isolated all the time. We talked about Third Places, travel, the book "Bowling Alone," and a dozen other things. I always want to just talk with him more but he does have other patients.

I did take time for lunch with Julie and Jan. We haven't had a chance to get together for awhile and it was great. They make me laugh.

It was, blissfully, less than 90 degrees today - considerably less than the 100 plus we had over the weekend. I think we have one more decent day and then it's back in the stratosphere. So, tomorrow I need to get motivated to do whatever I must do outside. I haven't even peeked at my backyard but I'm sure it needs to be mowed. On the upside, I probably have ripe blackberries. At least that's what I'm telling myself to motivate me to get out and mow - then pick blackberries.

My next door neighbors, Bob and Ruth, have been taking care of my front lawn. It looks so incredibly nice. The rest of it I just try to keep passable. I need to try to make it into "passable" tomorrow.

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Late Night Callers Video from Anthony Ladesich

The Latenight Callers THE TEASE from Anthony Ladesich on Vimeo.

This is a really wonderful music video called "The Tease" from the band, The Late Night Callers. The singer, Julie Berndsen, is someone people in this area may know. Congratulations to Julie and her bandmates, and to her proud family.

I'm amazed at the production on this video - aside from the fact that the song is great - this is incredible to look at. It's an Anthony Ladesich production by Mile Deep Films. It's ultra cool - I love the setting.

Take a look and listen - it's really fantastic. How can you not like a song that includes a line, "The twisting hips of Satan?"

Note:
Debbie (Julie's mom) tells me the video was shot at the Kansas City Livestock Exchange building.

You can also see stills from the shoot here.
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Summer Fun

Sometimes the simplest of things can put a smile on your face. For some reason, today this was one of those things for me. I was cleaning out a drawer and ran across these. It was a little bit of unexpected fun all day.

It was miserably hot here today, and is supposed to be worse tomorrow. I anticipate I might spend the entire day inside. Otherwise I will be whining about the heat, and no one enjoys that - least of all, me.

I am so not a summer person. Other than sandals, I find little to recommend the entire season. Although I do love the fresh food and flowers. But, lets be honest, much of the fresh food comes along later in the season.

I have many projects I need to work on in the house, and tomorrow seems an ideal time to be doing that. I'm so thankful for air conditioning and power to run it. Oh my, I could never have been a Victorian lady - not even in today's clothing, much less the layers they had. No wonder they were always fainting.

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Planning

When I hear the phrase, "strategic planning," my eyes glaze over. It's not because I hate planning, it's because I hate useless work. And most strategic planning results in a binder stuffed full of typed pages that goes on a shelf to be pointed to when someone asks if you have a plan. No one ever looks at it and no one ever uses it. This is a complete waste of time for everyone involved.

My other complaint about strategic planning is that it's generally viewed as a means unto itself. There is a mission statement that's the jumping off point, but there's no connection beyond that. There's no vision, which I think is a far more critical part of the whole process. If you can't dream something amazing, you're probably not going to accomplish it, regardless of how many pages you write about it. Few people can dream. At all. Much less big.

I make plans all the time. I can't say they're "strategic," but they function. My plans are much more basic, and don't require a three ring binder.
My plans are about:
WHAT will I do
WHO will help
WHEN will it get done
WHAT will be accomplished

I'm not sure this process requires a whole team of people, headed by a consultant, to generate 233 pages. It just requires a little thought and some scratch paper. You can do all the planning you want, but if you can't communicate your vision - your passion - to people, it's a waste of time.

Notes from a Memory

I've been going through journals, notebooks, letters and other personal papers. The other day I ran across this little notebook that I bought in Paris when on a trip with Matthew. I opened it at random and found this page where we had both written hotel information.

It took me right back to a phone on Rue de Lyon, the Bastille in the background, as Matthew and I pored over the hotel information we had with us to find a new place to stay. We trekked all around the city that day, checking out hotels, and ended up a block away from where we had started that morning. It was one of those moments that pointed out how important your travel partners are - it's good to have someone who will help solve a problem.

I'm sure I have other things with Matthew's handwriting on them, but I was happy to run across this. That's one of the reasons I keep letters, as well as all my journals and notebooks. They are marvelous little bits of history. I feel connected to people through that very personal bit of themselves in their handwriting.

Admittedly, this wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, but it reminds me of a wonderful time in my life with someone whose friendship I treasured. Little did I know when we were comparing notes in the Paris sunshine that we would only have that trip and one more together. Afterwards we drifted apart, but he always remained in my thoughts. I think the same was true for him.

Life gives you amazing moments you don't plan, but remain thankful for. Just a couple of days before this was written I went to meet Matthew at the airport because it was his first trip to Paris. He had been delayed, and would arrive later, but had it not been for Matthew's intended arrival I would have missed walking into the cold, pre-dawn hours with a beautiful, gentle snow falling. As soon as I got outside I knew it was a moment to remember. I soaked it in. I'm grateful.

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Conversation

I just ran across a note I made during a conversation with Trish about a year ago. It was May 19, 2010. We were discussing how to be open to friendship. It was such a great conversation I pulled out a note pad and started jotting things down.

Interestingly enough, these are still pertinent.

• It takes energy.
• You have to be doing things that give you energy in order to expend it in that way.
• We have to think, "What could we be doing to add to our lives?" as opposed to just waiting for something to happen.
• Be open to life by making the first response, "yes."
• Some experiences will disappoint, but you can't live in despair, regret or remorse. You have to believe the next experience has promise.

That last one is wise for multiple situations. 

I'm fortunate to have such brilliant friends.

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Quote of the Day

"When two or more people come together with reverence and respect for the mystery that underlies all existence, consecrating their meeting to spiritual communion, the care of the soul, and the power of deep listening, they create sacred space. Immersion in sacred space is as essential to the soul's well-being as are food and drink to the body."
--- Jalaja Bonheim, Ph.D.

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Joplin Tornado

The cross still standing on the ruins of what was St. Mary's church in Joplin, has become a symbol of hope for the community as it recovers from the devastating tornado that hit May 22. It's hard to believe it has been a month.

I have been going to Joplin regularly for about 25 years, and know the town well. Even though I knew the area of destruction from the reports I'd seen and heard, and even though I had been in Greensburg after the tornado there, nothing prepared me for what I found in Joplin. Pictures and video don't do it justice because they can't capture the scope of it.

When I was there the weekend after it happened, the entire town was on edge - understandably so. Progress began quickly, and continues, but it will be a very long time before things are back to a sort of normal.

Part of the reason I was there right after the tornado was to do some radio reports for Landline Now, a show geared to owner-operator truck drivers, on Sirius/XM.



I've taken hundreds of photos. I'm not sure any of them really tells the story. This morning on my way out of town, I took this, with the moon overhead.



I am struck by how the mangled trees are putting out new leaves. Everything wants to live.

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Contentment

The Laughing Buddha is a symbol of contentment.

Contentment is what I wish for you, my friend. It implies a feeling of all being right with the world, of not needing for anything, of not wanting for anything.

Contentment.

It seems, indeed, blissful.

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Interview with Judith Robl about writing the book, "As Grandma Says"

Judith Robl is a friend I met at a writing workshop, shortly before her book, "As Grandma Says," was going to be released by Harvest House Publishers.

I asked her to do a short interview with me about her process, because I always like a glimpse into the creative mind. Enjoy!



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Blackberries and Boyfriends - Trash Days and Thursdays

Friday is trash day. They come early - usually before 7. It was raining Thursday night, and I was exhausted from doing Third Thursday, so I got up early to put the trash out this morning.

I was rewarded for my efforts.

Not because the trash was out of the house, but because as I was headed back inside it occurred to me to check the blackberry bushes. I didn't expect them to have any ripe berries this early, but I was greeted with multiple plump, juicy blackberries.

Suddenly breakfast was taken care of. Although I didn't have any cream in the house, I was able to make do with milk.

Considering how many times I planted blackberry bushes before I got them to grow, and the amount of care I've given them, and the fact that I got a few last year, I figure the cost per berry is now down to around $3.19.

Joking.

Mostly.

Have I ever mentioned blackberries are my favorite fruit?

They always remind me of Mama, who would pick them fresh for me when I went to Kentucky at the end of June for a family reunion. They'd just be getting ripe and she would gather them and prepare them for me as a treat. I'll never taste one sweeter than one picked by Mama.

They also remind me of a former boyfriend who, in one of his best moments during our five year relationship, went out of his way to bring me fresh blackberries because he remembered I mentioned I loved them.

Attention, men, that's a clue - three things:
1. He listened.
2. He remembered.
3. He acted.

Okay... that's it for me for tonight... I had planned to put up some photos of art work from last night's Third Thursday, but it will have to wait for another night.

From my brain...

I've been going through tons of journals and idea books - books where I just jot down something that comes to my mind.

Here's one from March 4, 2003 - during a conversation with Greg while I was on the road in Houston (I think). I was headed down to the coast and told him I hadn't looked at a map, which is a continual discussion between us. He thinks one should look at maps. I think one can just play it by ear.

Eventually I said, "I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going there at 70 mph."

Ten Rules on Vision

I've been reading notes from a conference I attended at some point. Unfortunately, I can't give credit, because I didn't jot down who was speaking. However, the vision information is valuable, I think.

From my notes:
Vision must be bold. It drives all that comes after it.

Ten Rules for Vision

10. Understand what vision can do.
9. Vision drives all that you do. (What would the world be like 3-5 years from now?)
8. Vision speaks to the heart of why you do what you do - passion - don't start without it.
7. If you don't have a vision, get one.
6. If it doesn't motivate and inspire, it's not vision. To inspire it has to be bold.
5. It you believe it, you will see it.
4. It's all about passion.
3. Celebrate baby steps.
2. Dream your dream and dream big. It has to be big and to shake people up.
1. When you achieve it, start over.

Good Practice to Give a Little Something Extra

I recently ordered some audio equipment from BSW and when I unpackaged it found this on the top of the contents. It's just a little card, thanking me for my order, with a piece of candy stapled to it.

It didn't cost them much to do, even accounting for someone stapling the candy onto the card. But it left an impression on me. Did I need a piece of candy? No. Did I enjoy it? Absolutely.

As a public relations person, I have to say they did a couple of things that are brilliant.
1. They surprised me. From my years of reading about the brain and how it's structured, I know that surprise gives us reason to remember something in a different way.
2. They gave me a little some extra. Yeah, it's a piece of candy, but who doesn't like a piece of candy?
3. They chose a somewhat unusual kind of candy. I'll now have a nice association between the two.

And, ultimately, here I am writing about it. So, there's a little more proof that it worked.

It reminded me that giving people a little something extra in a surprising way is very good practice. Now to find ways to implement that into daily life.

Flag Day Photos

I love this photo taken during a walking tour of downtown Hutchinson last fall.



This was taken in Alma, Kan. this spring.



The remains of a home in Joplin.

Quote of the Day

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
                                                                 - Helen Keller

Scenes of the Day

'Tis the season for the Farmer's Market.



I want all garden areas in my yard to have this look of flowers blending into one another. Unfortunately, I only have one little part that looks this way. I grew the purple and white ones here from seed in previous years. This year I just decided I didn't have the time to devote to little seedlings.



It seems everywhere I turn these days there are messages.

I just need to figure out what my gifts are, and how best to use them.

The Home Office

A few weeks ago I started cleaning in my home office. It had gotten so bad there was really only a path to my desk and barely enough room for the keyboard on top of the desk. I ran out of time to complete the task, but made tremendous progress.

Oddly enough, when I was doing it I thought, "Hmmmm... well, this will stir up something." I guess it did.

This afternoon and evening I've been working on some other things in here and I've come to some conclusions.

1. I need to gather up all my change, cash it in, and come up with a new system. My old system is just tossing coins here and there. Eventually there are piles that spill off the edge of the desk and it's a mess. I now have a container for them. We'll see how this goes.

2. Apparently I collect blue bunnies. I didn't know this about myself, but I have four in here. I bought one of them 3-4 years ago at Easter. The others have come to me by way of Easter gifts. I just noticed today they're all blue - even the Pez dispenser.

3. I am a pen addict. I already knew this about myself, but it's worse than even I realized. I already had two containers full of pens on my desk, and another three on the shelves near my desk. I had four containers on the desk at the Cosmosphere and when I sorted through them to bring my pens home and leave theirs I still had mostly full holders. I like pretty colors of ink, what can I say?

4. I have a lot of stationery. I also knew this about myself. It kind of goes well with the pens, when you think about it. But, I mean, I have a LOT of stationery. A lot.

5. I have enough postage to send almost all of that stationery out into the world. I have everything from one cent stamps on up. I get some odd satisfaction out of mixing and matching to get to the correct amount. No, I don't know why. I just do.

No doubt the personal archeaology dig will continue in coming days.

Creative People

Tonight I had a long phone conversation with one of the authors I consult with about social media. It was a great conversation - free ranging and broad in scope. It was like having a great talk over tea.

I was reminded again of just how much I enjoy creative people. The mind of a creative person just works differently. So does the spirit, I think.

I need to spend more time with creative people. Just recently I wrote about needing writer friends, and that's definitely true, too. Synergy happens when creative people get together and I need more of that in my life.

Julia Cameron suggests "artist dates" with yourself to get your creative juices flowing. I have many, many creative ideas - the challenge is finding the right focus for them. I think that while I'm in this transition phase I'm going to make certain that every day moves one or more projects closer to completion. It's a good goal.